I'm tired and I feel like I lied

No, I think she really cares about me. I think shes trying to help me make sense of it all. I just dont know how too.

I value everyones opinions. I'm curious about thought stopping. How is that I can stop the chatter sometimes but I still know what the thoughts were going to say. Like if the thoughts say I like potatoes but I can stop it mid sentence. I like...... How is it that I knew the totality of what they thought was saying even though I stopped it mid sentence?

Rive wrote:I have someone from here pming me telling me I might not have DID. People here telling me I do.

If you have someone PM'ing you here invalidating your own words to you... report them to a mod. That is inappropriate, unacceptable, and I am certain it is against the rules. This is a problem YOU can control and put an end to.
Likewise, you could mark the person as a "foe" or "enemy" or whatever it is called, and select the option NOT to get PMs from them b/c of that designation (this will also hide their posts requiring you to click on a special link to SEE the post, while freely reading everyone else still).

And NO ONE HERE is saying YOU DO... we're all saying it's POSSIBLE. Only a T can diagnose you. We can say, from OUR experience and learning, it DOES sound like you have DID... I agree with that, fwiw... but we can NOT say for certain you DO or DO NOT- you need to see a professional for that kind of diagnosis determination.

Zor wrote:And NO ONE HERE is saying YOU DO... we're all saying it's POSSIBLE. Only a T can diagnose you. We can say, from OUR experience and learning, it DOES sound like you have DID... I agree with that, fwiw... but we can NOT say for certain you DO or DO NOT- you need to see a professional for that kind of diagnosis determination.

She already has that, Zor, and has all kinds of reasons why she doesn’t believe the specialist or the other two providers who agree with the specialist and who have changed her diagnosis to DID in her records.

It’s all of her posts PLUS corroboration from professionals that makes this so obviously denial, as well as the posts where she says, ok, now I believe I have DID.

And Rive, it’s not an “intrusive” or “random” thought when you hear, “Mommy do you like little babies?” And you ask the name of who said it and you get back, “Susie” and see an image of a little girl holding up 3 fingers. That doesn’t happen with anything else but DID (someone can correct me if they have seen or known about this kind of thing happening with ANY other disorder). That’s as close as you can get to “proof” of It.

I have to pick everything apart. Now I'm wondering about thought stopping. If I have these thoughts. Like Mommy I like blackberries etc. ( this is just an example) but in my head I can stop it like this. Mommy, I like... but I intuitively know I was thinking Mommy, I like blackberries. What is that about?

I'm looking up intrusive thoughts. I read about it years ago, went down this line of enquiry myself, but I'm gonna refresh my memory.

There can not be bleeding from one alter to another if there are no alters. There is no difference in alters and parts, alters are dissociated parts of personality. It does not matter if you call you rather part than alter, it does not change the fact it is severe dissociation disorder caused by trauma and you need help for that. Playing with words is what you do to avoid actually doing something to your problems.

You all are alters. It does not matter if some trait is in alter you call "me" or another alter called something else. If that trait is harmful, you treat it and that matters. There are traits in you (whole you) that are harmful for other people and animals around you. You are an adult person, who needs to be responsible enough to understand that is something to change. Treatment for other disorders have not helped you, now you have something that can do that. but you keep yourself busy with everything that can help you to avoid it instead. How about getting it a chance? a real one.

You seem to have very clear picture in your mind how DID is supposed to look like for it to be valid. Several people have been trying to tell you over and over again that picture is false, that is not how DID usually is. It doesn't make any difference how many times you hear that, because you will not actually hear that. I just wrote two messages to you telling all different kind of ways alters can affect each other, gave you a link to video where someone else tells the same things again, many different ways. Next thing you say is But if they're alters you don't remember what they did when they take over? I mean straight after a lot of time was spent to tell you they affect many different ways, you understood nothing about it, or did not care.

I have no clue why you keep on asking questions, when there's no intention to try to understand what's been answered. Well, that's not entirely true, we do have a clue and we've tested it out enough times now. You did not understand what I was trying to tell you earlier when I asked, you just changed the subject. I won't play that game with you anymore, it's manipulative AF, intentional or not. We don't believe you want help at all, it's attention you're after. You're very good at getting it, but not that good at hiding it.

I dont want attention. If I did I would certaintly be trying to get it from my family and not from a bunch of people I dont really know. I dont know what the point would be in that. I'm just try to understand.

1. Do you believe you will do things the thoughts say?
2. Do you do things to try to avoid what the thoughts are saying coming true?
3. If it's intrusive thoughts then you are keeping them alive in your mind by getting upset.
4. If they are intrusive thoughts you need to accept them and give them no emotion and realise they have no bearing on your life because all the time you're here writing about them you're giving them power.
5. If you have changed your behaviour because of your thoughts, stop. For Example if you avoid animals because you're having intrusive thoughts about animals stop avoiding animals.
6....

I can see why you think you have intrusive thoughts.. you think about hurting animals and you don't like it, you obsess over it, you worry that you'll do what you're thinking.

I could agree that yes you have intrusive thoughts.

However, Thorne, Thorne from what I've read you write about her is an alter. You were having some kind of dialogue with her and she feels differently about people and things to you.

So, if I were you, which I'm not and obviously I can't diagnose anyone but I would conclude: I have intrusive thoughts but I also have DID because I know I have at least one other alter who is called Thorne.

I have antisocial alters and depressed alters and ones who like to self harm and scratch till they bruise. I have alters who are lesbian - which I used to think I was confused about my sexuality as a teenage but because my bf at the time didn't feel threatened by it I used to talk to him about it and I felt ok to feel confused and now I know it's two alters who are lesbians - so what. I have alters who are straight men. Because I'm woman the three straight women - through discussion and agreement between parts - were decided as out weighing the others. Plus the two lesbians are together and the men can't have a heterosexual relationship with a woman so we go with the straight parts for the relationship side of life, not that it seems to work but it makes logical sense. But if I hadn't had someone to talk to I could of become obsessive about "what's my sexuality" as a teenager, the more I thought the more power those thoughts would of had and that over the years Could of developed into an intrusive thought and then I'd have DID plus intrusive thoughts. Which I think must be really easy to happen because of how confusing DID is when you're saying and doing different things.

I realised to today in a support group, because I relayed it over to myself in my mind after so as many parts as possible know what happened, I said "I'll be fine after we leave here, I won't think about it" Then a bit later I said "two groups ago I went home and it was going round and round in my head what we spoke about and I need to be mindful of that" I completely contradicted myself in the space of 20 mins max. Why? The first response was before the break. Only "check out" was left so the person who spoke in the main group checked themselves out before break or on break. Then during check out whoever was at the group two times before "checked out" Personally I can barely remember what was said so I'm going to write on an earlier post I made about what was said to force it out of whoever it was but I'm not going to worry about it and even if they won't tell me anything I just watch TV. I could obsess over this, give it power and then before I know it I'll be having obsessive and intrusive thoughts about it every group. - see how easy it'd be to get intrusive thoughts.

It's possible to have intrusive thoughts and DID is what I'm saying. And I can see what you're saying - from what you've written about your thoughts some easily fall into the intrusive thoughts category. But I believe in Thorne because you shared what she's like and how she's different to you and you argue with her.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:

Zor wrote:And NO ONE HERE is saying YOU DO... we're all saying it's POSSIBLE. Only a T can diagnose you. We can say, from OUR experience and learning, it DOES sound like you have DID... I agree with that, fwiw... but we can NOT say for certain you DO or DO NOT- you need to see a professional for that kind of diagnosis determination.

She already has that, Zor, and has all kinds of reasons why she doesn’t believe the specialist or the other two providers who agree with the specialist and who have changed her diagnosis to DID in her records.

It’s all of her posts PLUS corroboration from professionals that makes this so obviously denial, as well as the posts where she says, ok, now I believe I have DID.

We like totally agree with you on that... I think the comment Zor was making was in regard to Rive saying "I have someone from here pming me telling me I might not have DID. People here telling me I do." Cuz like the "IDK if I have it cuz ppl here are telling me diff things- one saying no in PMs, ppl here in the open forum saying yes..." I think his "got a to a pro" was to cut out the excuses for denial based on "conflicting accounts" from ppl that can't like diagnose anyway.

But like we totally agree this sounds just like normal denial that WE struggle with (and totally DON'T tell our T or fam about- cuz like the last thing we need is ppl freaking out about THAT when many of them already struggle (or fail) to accept what IS happening).

{\Pixie/}