Alter bleeding versus switching

That clicked for me big time Johnny Jack. I trapped a spider in a jar and left it to see how long it'd live in a jar but then I felt compassion for it and let it go.

I have alters that can be triggered by aggressive or seemingly threatening people but I have much better awareness of them and they're much more controlled now.

As a kid I'd do stuff, spiteful stuff - spat in my sister's lunch, got my cousin to step in dog poop. Then I'd feel really bad. I forgot all about these incidents until my cousin reminded me a few years ago. As an adult that part would bubble out in relationships and I sent myself to a course about abusive people because I saw myself as an abuser. I realise it's Paul now.

I also realise that all my parts are part of me so as much as Paul mostly keeps himself in check now and others help him he is still part of me as a whole overall person. Were I to integrate fully Paul would be part of me as a whole person. He doesn't want to be horrible. I think as a kid he was acting out and as an adult it was in defence. The wanting to be a good person is the important thing.

If Paul was properly a psycho he'd see all of us as an inconvenience and want us out the way so he could do bad stuff. But he doesn't, he likes to see other parts happy and doesn't want to hurt people because he's seen how parts hurt when hurt by others. This makes me think not a psycho but does have tendancies towards negative behaviour due to abuse.

Idk. I'm talking to someone and she has told me about other possibilites. They make sense. I can't rule those out either.