[life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

♥Lust♥ @ArbreMonde wrote:[P]sycho-analysis is great for that: saying whatever the fudge you want, and being heard.

Which also means that our T will not help us solve things. But she can listen to us and ask us questions to help dig deeper.

This is really profound. Thanks for posting it.

MDs

Context: worker dude messed up his work while repainting a book-case. Whole system is at various stages of anger.

Zami@ArbreMonde in another thread wrote:I'm proud of myself because I told the guy that I wasnt happy with this that and that (basically : painted stuff before filling in the holes so we have to buy more paint, dirtied the walls the floor and the bedsheets he asked us to provide to "protect the armchairs from dust").

Guy started insulting me because I pointed his mistakes, refused to give back the doors he had taken home, stole other stuff from me (tools, paints...), yelled at me like we were having some sort of romantic breakup, I had to threaten to call the cops so he would give me his postal adress to pick up the doors, he refuses to pay for the damage or to use his insurance on it, refuses to give the doors back unless I pay him and let him resume his work. He also refuses that I come to pick them up. And refuses to call a councellor to help us solve the issue (I mailed a councellor anyway).

I'm standing my ground. I'll let the councellor solve the issue.

But I'm fudging. Standing. My. Ground.

I don't do that often. I'm proud of myself for doing it!

--Zami--

Hello everyone! I'm a new one in the system! My name is Saul!

I think I come from all the newness of the hormone transition we are going through. It feels like having puberty 2.0 so here I am! I'm 17 years old, I have a stiff right knee which makes it easier to know if I am around lol! I also am dyslexic / dysgraphic so I need Zami and others to help me write in an understandable way / check the typos.

I also do not know yet who I am attracted to in any way so Theia said she puts me on the "aro/ace" list even if temporarily. I don't really care personally. I also am an aspiring gemmologist. I like gems because they are symetrical and geometrical. I also like to reveal their best in cutting them. I don't know if I can learn to do this in the outer/physical world but I love doing it in the innerworld!

I don't know yet which symbol I will use in our journal. I thought about $ because it looks like an S but I'm not sure, because it represents money and I'm not that into money. Maybe I'll use @ because it's modern and I like modern / teenage-y things.

So, hello from Saul!

Hello Saul

I'm Phoenix. I am a Changeling. I'm 'new' to my system too! Our system is also autistic. Most have traits except the 'social fronts' that come out specifically to deal with people who the system wants not to know we're autistic for some reason!

I spend most of my time on the inside cos I like to transform into different animals and the physical body can't do that. I have learned to take human form too so now I can be 'up front' in the physical body too. The real world seems more scary than the inner world!

Phoenix

We have news about the workman who was bad with us. He wants to try the mediation process but only if we pay it all. The mediation person is puzzled by his behavior. We know what is going on: he thinks he is 100% right. We will eat him up.

We are not good lately. Not stable. We rapid-switch a lot and often not know who we are exactly. Drowning in work and chores to forget about it is NOT a good idea. Autistic burnout is around the corner!

Sometimes we want to pretend everything is fine we are not dissociative all is well... But then there are all the memory issues... And it's not good to pretend it does not happen.

Started writing this as Saul and now... Lust maybe? David? It's a real mess.

Signed: somebody/ies, don't know who.

Wanted to edit to add this to the thread to save it here and avoide double-post but cannot find how to edit so, sorry about the double-post!

ArbreMonde in another thread wrote:Here we... don't know very much who we are (rapid switching, dissociation...) and we are exhausted. Over-did on one work project while not keeping the others at the same pace which "just" doubled our daily amount of work. Not smart...

Regarding the mediation with the work-man-pig with bad manners! He agrees to enter the mediation process... if we are the ones paying it all. Well, having him pay his part will be part of the mediation process I guess. And if he throws a tantrum, direction higher law persons.

It's exhausting. The work things to do to finish work project 2. Brain going in every direction and hyperactive about work project 3 and 4. Being also super frustrated that because of work-man-pig's behavior, the book-case takes forever to complete, and we cannot start the kitchen and camping in our own kitchen starts getting old. We make do with plug-in electric cooking stuff but we really need to have it properly installed. The "to be read pile" for work has reached 80 books (and that's only the ones we own at the moment), more than a thousand and a half papers and webpages... And we don't have the energy to spend more than a couple hours a day to read and take notes. Good thing we don't have short deadlines (except to wrap up project 2).

Advertising our work on social media also takes a lot of time and energy. For such a little reward that if this work wasn't our special interest/s, we would give up on it. We spend 1/4 of our income (disability allowance) on the work and get crumbs in return. But if we stop working we're going to turn crazy... (which makes the "disabled people are just lazy" discourse even more awful to hear: we are all but lazy!)

The stress is making us hyperactive which in turn gives more stress and exhaustion leading to more hyperactivity... And hyperactives does not mean productive, it just means we run around in circles.

It would be good to unplug sometimes, without feeling guilty about it.

~ People from the WorldTree (not sure who at the moment)

ArbreMonde wrote:We have news about the workman who was bad with us. He wants to try the mediation process but only if we pay it all. The mediation person is puzzled by his behavior. We know what is going on: he thinks he is 100% right. We will eat him up.

That totally sucks. And we're sorry that you're struggling.

MDs

Thanks for the support.

I think I might be having a depression relapse...

Too many bad news in only one week, and now all I can do is stay in bed all day, barely taking any food, cry, sleep, and self-hate.

I feel like I only exist to keep the rest of the system together. Like the people around me only like my headmates and dont like me. I feel as if I don't count, as if I'm nothing. The only thing I manage to do by myself is over-work and exhaust our body's and brain's energy. I dont do anything good at all. Friends keep telling me that I'm super annoying for being always negative and always self-hating. I feel like they are only happy when it's not me who is in front.

I kinda wish to disappear and leave the front forever, since my headmates are more likable than me. It's not like I'm important anyway. I only hurt us. Wallow in bed all day. Stress eat. Over-react to everything. Over-work each time there is something that interests me. It's not like we need to work anyway. It's something I do because I just cannot accept that I'm too disabled to work. And it cost us this year alone, 75 times more money than what we earnt. We would be better off without working and just enjoying the disability allowance and be the lazy-ass disabled person that society keeps telling us we are.

I'm just a useless bunch of stress, anxiety and self-hatred. Why would anyone like anyway? Everbybody would be better off without me. More composed. More relaxed. More able to produce nice things instead of moaning and stimming in front of the computer at midnight because I just cannot accept that the insane workload I put on my shoulders for the day is just too much.

I'm hopeless and crazy. I'm so stressed out that anybody interacting with me gets panick attacks and pushes me away.

What if I'm so crazy that I'm making up having headmates? Just characters to play out so I'm a bit more likeable... After all, friends like the headmates better.

Maybe I should just do that. Disappear. Let the others replace me. Everybody would be better off without me.

--Zami--

Hi Zami,

We like you, and we hope that you feel better soon.

MDs