[life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

We might have found a sub-system.

We discovered that Wrath is an age-slider and slides between 65+ years old and 6 years old. So does Pride - except that Old-Pride is much, much older. Almost ageless.

But, Prides comes to front only as a little, and only with Little-Wrath.

Both were triggered out when we opened up coloring books to have something to do with our hands while listening to a webconference.

We thought that we had no child-fronter. It turns out that we were mistaken.

-David-

Fascinating thread!

It never occurred to me to describe the inner world! But then a very long time ago we were told we must always keep it a secret so we have (in the real world)

I've no idea if other alters (within our system) experience it the same as far as I know they only come out to be the 'social front' when needed for social outings/appointments. Their jobs were usually to live in the outside world and act as a filter for 'the original self' who is autistic with severe sensory processing issues. OS could only function in the real world living 'through alters', especially when social expectations were high (to attend school, college, work etc like normal/neuro-typical people)

I seem to have the richest imagination of all our adult alters but tend to be heavily influenced by the few films I did get to see from the real world and got totally obsessed with. Narnia was one of them I absolutely loved the film so created my own Narnia on the inside while others were 'fronting'.

Avatar (the movie with big blue people) was also a favourite that quickly turned into an obsession when the body (IRL) developed physical issues and I couldn't cope with all the physical contact involved (during hospitalisation and rehab) I retired to the inside and 'Maddie' evolved to be the new 'front'.

I then lived 'inside' with the obsessive fantasy that one day I'd wake up/get out of the oxygen chamber thing and be able to walk again in the real world. I lived inside as 'Jake' able to run through my jungle on the inside but dreaming one day I'd be able to come back to the real world and achieve the same.

Unfortunately even 15+ yrs later I've been unable to achieve this in the real world as the body now also has arthritis on top of the original condition the body was struck down with. I had to choose whether to spend 'my life' locked in fantasy only or decide whether I wanted some kind of place in the real world now we live a life less social and one I'm more able to cope with.

I can still fly round the woods and fields with a creature by my side but on a mobility scooter with a dog, rather than on foot through the trees like some kind of Tarzan! or I can become Link on his horse or climbing mountains via the magic of video games! ...of course there's always Narnia or Pandora still there on the inside if I need a break from reality!

Kit

Copied from somewhere else, thought it might be interesting to keep here.

Here, the Innerworld is kinda in a bubble. The bubble is separated in two horizontally: that is the ground. In the middle of the ground, sprouts out the World Tree (hence the system's name, "Arbre-Monde" means "World-Tree" in french). It's a marple tree, by the way. Theia is its dryad and she organizes the "hidden" part of the system.

On the ground we find a small square house, oriental-style, and inside is the Office. It is from where that we can access consciousness and move the body. I spend most of my time here, since I'm host. Though sometimes I go for a walk/run on the ground around the tree.

In the tree's branches we find houses, clubs, movie theatres, platforms.... that's where everybody lives. Alters and "NPCs" alike. Though it is possible that some of the "NPCs" are alters but that they barely reach consciousness, or are not interested in consciousness. We had a few who came into consciousness, looked around, did not care for it, and went back inside. A couple were frightened. That's why Theia pays attention to keep the ones who could be frightened, away from the Office. Only the ones who can take in the shock of being part of the system, are allowed to reach consciousness. That's why we have close to no Little in consciousness.

In the roots of the tree, I don't know what's there. It's Theia's domain. My guess is that she puts here all the "rotten" mind-stuff, to use it as plant-food and recycle it in a positive way.

I don't know what would happen if we reached/touched the bubble wrapping the Innerworld. I never did. I don't know anyone who cares for it. It's like a pretty backdrop, and the interesting stuff is inside. I'm sure Theia knows what it's made of and what is behind it. But I don't. And I'm mostly interested by what is in the outside world.

Copied from another thread.

In here I can say that I evolved a lot over the years. Or maybe it was "not me" back then and I just inherited the memories? *shrugs*

A lot of us are fictive introjets. I can trace them back to long before the material they are introjected from, was invented and released. I guess that, because their "written by someone else story" started resonnating a LOT with most of us, they just ended up figuring out, the story was about them. So they ended up being the characters in the story, and "re-inventing" a backstory to explain how/why they are part of our system (e.g. they are dead and this is their afterlife, they were weak and needed a body to hide and ended up here, etc.)

Things still evolve. One day we might wake up and someone would be "before the system I had a long-time friend named so-and-so" and it would be retroactively true starting now. Because it makes sense to who they are now, to have had such-and-such friend before being in the system. Or they would suddenly remember such and such thing happened in the past, and even if it is not coherent with what they thought was their past the day before, starting now, that's what is true because that's what makes sense with who they are now.

And in the same time, Pride is stuck at 3 years old (waaay younger than in his "written by someone else story") because it has meaning for the system - and Wrath switches between 8 years old and his age in the "written by someone else story" depending on the situation. Here again, the 8 years old and his function when he is young, is different than the one he is when he is older, and it all has meaning and makes sense given what happened in the physical world in the life of the body.

We keep on rearranging and reinventing ourselves in order for everything to keep making sense. Apparently it's completely normal for memories to do that. It's just that us systems have much more freedom around this because we host many timelines and many lives, only one needs to remain coherent with the objective, physical events. All the others can be rearranged according to who we are.

--Zami--

Explanation about the 3 years old and 8 years old: for the body, 3 years old is the age when the younger sibling was born. The age when we started going to Kindergarten too. The age when another kind of abuse started. The age when we understood we were "not normal" and started being treated as sub-human and bullied by our peers. Probably the age when the mother started being more abusive because she could compare us to the younger sibling and see how "abnormal" we were for being autistic. It is when Zami - the host - started being a unicorn (was not a qilin yet).

****************TW mention of abuses of all kind & mention of suicide ideations************************

At 8 years old, a lot of things changed too. We changed school and started being sexually bullied by other children at school. It is also the same time when our younger brother started sexually harassing
us and spreading rumors about us at school. It is the year our mother sent us to the psychiatrist to see if we were "normal", but we said nothing about all the abuses at home, nothing about the rapes from the mother. We did not want to be punished for talking. So, when the mother recieved the conclusion that we were "normal", she was pissed and things became worse. Physical abuses became worse. Emotional abuses, gaslighting, became worse. We started being used to do all the cleaning in the house. Before that, it was only our own room and the bedsheets (the bedsheets, starting as early as 3 or 4). We remember the vacuum cleaner being so big we had trouble maneuvering it. It is also when we started being made responsible for the little brother, having to care for him and being punished if he did stupid things or refused to do his chores. It is when he started to understand he could do anything to us because then WE would be punished for complaining or fighting back, and never would he be punished for beating us. It also is when we started having suicide ideations like all the time, crying every night, and being beaten up for crying or for not sleeping.

******************************End TW***********************

The memories come and go. But when they come back, it's always a shock.

Hi AbreMonde,

I was told I sometimes talk to you so I read your post about the age sliders.

Our "Overlord" or Mr Brightside is like that. He is really really old but can be any age. He has personas also that he uses so he can interact better. Although it's easier to talk to him internally in his true form which is a really really old pre historic Vampire. He makes the most sense then about internal stuff but if I need legal advice or some other specific field he puts on a personna and helps. He's kinda of cool really.

Looking forward to getting to know you a bit better here because the others said "we talk to them sometimes, they're cool"

Loads of Luck,

Sarah

Thank you Sarah, we are looking forwards to knowing you better too! -David-

Copied from another thread

~The curfew / quarantine / isolation thing is doing us a LOT of good!

~Once the first stress of "omg world pandemic aaaaaaah" turned into a "ok, world pandemic, whatev" habit, it was time to focus again on taking care of each-other! (^.^)

~Taking care of each-other is nice! Is fun! Feels good!

~Isa is back on tracks after being away from consciousness for a while (he needs organization in the environment to be able to surface to consciousness) so he helps with the organization of the day and meal plan and stuff.

~Once the list is made, it's just "check the list, do that" for the rest of us. We switch a lot but with a proper list of stuff to do, it's easier!




*******************content warning: mention of trauma and abuser, abuse not named, no detail***********

~Rey was away for long time too! She was thinking and thinking and caring for her trauma and thinking. Now she is doing better. She was worried because in her own pov of the trauma, it was her dad, but we know that in the physical world it was never the body's dad it was an ex. But that ex behaved a lot like a father figure (from a positive and a negative pov) so now she feels better to know that it's why she remembers it as dad hurting us. Because he acted like a dad even if he was not physically our dad.

~Anyway, knowing there is no hidden trauma-by-physical-dad (which would not be logical given the rest of the autobiographic memories) is easing up everybody's stress. We know it's "just" a way for the trauma by the ex to be encoded in Reyna. So, relief, etc. etc.

******************content warning ends here***************



~What else?

~Oh I know! GENDER!

~We use alone-time to play a lot with gender presentation. No need to worry about what people will think, so, more freedom to try and be eccentric! And we find a way that makes the body feels pretty and fabulous!

~Our favourite so far is: looking like a guy who dresses and makes up like a gal. Freedom of make-up, freedom of dress-up, freeeeedooooooom!

((>(^w^)<))

~Trying to make a smiley thing of me flapping with happiness. Dunno if it looks good. Looks like a happy fish...

( ^_^;)

~At least it looks like happy!

~Me loves the happy!

~Lots of happy and love and care and hearts to you all! You deserve the happy too!

~ xoxoxoxo

~Theia~

Some updates.

We managed to find a professional to supervise our Hormones Replacement Therapy. We are going to carefully tip-toe through this, in order to find the right balance where the overall comfort of everybody is at its best. The medic is also going to carefully tip-toe, since it is his first HRT with this kind of hormones - and also because, according to our first blood test and what we can already see on our body, we are very very sensitive to the dose of said hormones naturally produced by our gonads. At least the first blood analysis came back as "being in perfect health", even better than the previous tests done for other reasons.

All of this is cause of celebrations and general happiness inside.

We haven't seen Wolf in ages, and Miles feels more and more like a faraway fragment. Sherlock Holmes surfaces rarely, for lack of interst towards the outside world. Reyna deals a lot with traumatic and emotional memories, making her spend very little time outside - and so does Isaïa, her partner. Zami, too, has trouble being present some days. We had a lot of child fragments that surfaced lately. Even if they stay conscious for only a few minutes before disappearing into the Innerworld again, it is difficult for Zami to deal with their presence. Said presence tend to take us back to the traumatic "there and then". After all, Zami is our autobiographic memory, and knows perfectly well how all the child fragments fit within the history of this physical life - making their emotions all too real and meaningful for our host.

Zami has tried dropping hints to our T as to we being multiple, but the T dismisses all the hints as "that's an ADHD thing" or "hum hum..." without comments. Lust burns with the desire to kick Zami from front and just tell everything to the T. Myself? I wonder if it would be of use to tell the T. After all, T is from the "psycho-analysis" school and does little appart from meds prescriptions, taking notes and asking questions. Taking notes and answering questions, we already do ourselves with our journal. But, it does not mean that there is no use for any of us outside of Zami to talk to the T. We could just pretend to be Zami, and talk about the traumatic past that we carry - if there is any. I carry none, for that matter. But Lust and Reyna has their share, as well as Uriel, Envy, and Pride. Others have already dealt with their share, from what I know, with inside and outside help.

Sending someone else to see the T might be a good reason also because Zami tends to do their best to "get good T grades", whatever that means. Doing their best to please the T even though they dislike her unjudging passivity and open listen-ness. (if these are english words) Which might be an interesting subject of work. Maybe there is somethink akin to transferance in here, Zami behaving as if the T was the mother from long ago, prompt to judge and dispense suffering, hard to please, cold as ice, mostly silent.

I hope that we will manage to walk around this obstacle.

oOo van H. oOo

Hi all, I have a sensitive question... What hormones are you taking and what is the purpose?

Also thanks to replying to me David.

Sarah

Hi, Lust here! Hello Sarah!

What kind of hormones we are going to take... We do not wish to say what they are in this forum. The purpose is: gender affirmation transition. We are looking to reach a point where we can all be comfortable with the physical body, with as little gender dysphoria as possible.

I hope I answer your question in a satisfying way.

Take care !

♥ Lust ♥