"you're doomed" said over and over

I kept hearing in my head someone saying "you're doomed" over and over. It's something I really vaguely remember my father saying.

I don't know who is saying it or what they're refering to, what I'm supposed to be doomed about.

I've been having a struggle lately because of the police call I made and couldn't remember making. Because I take my alters seriously and because they also said the same things to nursing staff in the hospital that they said to the police I decided I have to listen and cut all ties with my parents. My middle two children are not wanting to do that. My oldest son is ok because he doesn't like my parents anyway and theyve never been interested in my youngest, because he sees his paternal grandmother alot, so he won't even notice.

I also had childcare social services contacted because of my fears about my parents. They don't see any risk even though I tried to explain my concerns. They then are encouraging my children to see my abusive parents. I know they were emotionally and physically and psychologically abusive since I left home pretty much. I was always planning my escape as a child. I had very limited and minimal contact between my parents and my children and they had started creeping their way in over the last year because I was working more hours I was vulnerable.

Now the social worker is encouraging my children to get on buses to see them, to fight with me to have more contact. Yesterday she went on and on to the point where I felt like when I was child and I started to feel like the only way to stop my parents desendinding on my life was to walk out of my house and never look back. Just leave, go start again somewhere and forget all about everything. Luckily after she left I managed to see it from a rational veiw of "hang on this is my house" There was another argument with my children after she left but later that evening both my children came and said sorry and that they wouldn't contact my parents. One of them had been passing information about me to one of my parents - I hadn't spoken to him about that but they knew things they wouldn't otherwise know and were using it to make lies/half truths to their contacts higher up in social services.

Anyway the "your doomed" person could be saying that because "I'm doomed and I'm never getting rid of my abusive parents out of my life" Even if I move it wouldn't happen because my middle two children will keep talking to them and passing information about me and seeing them - they said they won't but I doubt they will stick to that. My abusive parents are on holiday at the moment so it's easy for them to say that right now. I would have to leave and leave my middle two children behind to be properly rid of them so I guess I am "doomed" in that way, the voice/thought is right.

I actually think it's Mr Brightside. I can see him pacing in circles now I've typed this out, just round and round. Wearing his top hat and tails, walking in a circle with his hands behind his back and his head looking at the floor repeatedly saying "you're doomed" He just looked up and said "I can't see a way out of this" Because there isn't one. I can't abandon my children, although the pressure that social worker had me in made me feel like I could quite easily for a few moments, and without abandoning my own children there's no way to be fully free of them without them being dead. They're not going to die soon so I am doomed. Moving won't make any difference because of technology and cars. Getting an injunction won't stop them contacting my children.

I just want them completely out of my life. Simple. I've been nursing this disease that is "having any kind of contact with my parents" for ten years knowing it's a disease and a decay on my life. I'm ready to cut the diseased part out. It'd be easy, I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but it's impossible because of my 2 middle children.

I am doomed.

Personally I think he was pacing in circles trying to curse the s.o.b with his own word but we'll have to agree to disagree on that. Paul.

Try to avoid imputing meaning. Just listen.

Una+ wrote:Try to avoid imputing meaning. Just listen.

Thanks