Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

thankyou David & Gothika & others

no news or whatever with the work stuff, its still kinda in limbo atm. the customers who use our system wanna stay with us & they're trying to get their head office people to allow it. we dont have any say in this so we're kinda on the sidelines & nothing we can do but wait & hope.

i'm working on my writing & setting up a patreon & maybe will get some support that way. i know i have a few fans of my writing so maybe something will come out of it

---

we had videotherapy yesterday & someone else fronted for that. someone young. she didnt know who she was, didnt know her name. she wasnt even sure if she was me or not me until i started talking to her from inside then she was like, "oh i guess i'm not viola cos i can hear viola talking to me"

we still dunno who it was but she felt young & she was really shy & didnt like looking at the screen when our T was there & she was really fidgety & nervous.

then after therapy, someone else fronted who we also didnt know & who thought she was me as well but same thing, we realized i was inside & she was fronting. also realized she's been around quite a bit... she's like, hyper critical & kinda hates my writing & always finds fault with it & stuff.

like i'll write a bunch of stuff then she comes along & deletes half of it cos she doesn't like it

but when we were talking i asked her not to delete stuff, instead just like, hilight it so i know she doesnt like it & i can look at it later on. so she did that last night.

anyways like so theres 'me' and 'young one' and 'meaner one' and tbh i dunno who any of us are anymore. they both try to be me when they're here, like they'll both try to write & stuff but the 'meaner one' hates it & ends up deleting stuff or just gets frustrated with it. the younger one cant really write but she'll read some stuff over and over if she likes it. like i wrote a half chapter yesterday morning ( i think it was yesterday) and she must have read it like 5 times?

the young one won't even look at work, i dunno yet how the mean one feels about work. and i guess work scares and upsets me but i'll try to do it if i can? i dunno.

i'm not even sure now who i am if i'm really me or not.

anyways its kinda upsetting cos like most of our system's been quiet / locked away inside / whtever and now its like, heres more brand new people showing up & i think they've ben around for a long time & we're only just figuring it out. & it feels like we're back at the starta gain, like just starting to figure stuff out & just starting to realize theres others even tho we've known for like 2 1/2 years but everything we knew before feels like its gone & we're starting over again.

i think we all use the same purple colour text & all sign the same name right now cos everyone's trying to be viola. i really dunno whats going on.

if we rememberany of this next week i guess we'll tell our T. stuff always happens right after T so we have to wait forever to see her again & forget so much so fast.

viola maybe?

Just wanted to let you know that we're reading and that we care.

MDs

We wanted to wish you all the very best and say we're thinking of you all and hope things can improve a little for you all. It sounds like a tough time, but awesome you're able to make some sense out of it, and share it. That's a pretty big and important thing.

Thinking of you all, wishing you all the very best in peace and positivity, in the Inner world and outer world too...!


Gothika (and All)

wow i had no idea we were still here in may. i thot for some reason we disappeared in like february or something

anyways so we're still around. struggling alot tho. i've probably said this already on here cos its been going on for a while but seriously it feels like our first 2 years since realizing we had DID were on 'easy mode' then at the start of this year its like we got bumped up into 'hard mode' cos its been rough.

idk if our system's having people like coalesce or what's going on but we're still seeing changes & stuff. some of us are gone (or at least gone super quiet) and others are just like, dormant but we still feel them, and others are like, new or newly awakened.

the new little that i wrote about in may has completely taken over therapy, she's been to every session for months now. i call her our 'truth teller' cos she can tell our T stuff that nobody else can say. and even if the rest of us are like, no dont say that, then if she has to she'll get out a piece of paper & write it down.

her name's Ciara & she always takes a little black cat stuffy to therapy & she plays with it while she talks to our T. its kinda cute but sometimes we feel selfconsious about carrying this stuffy around with us.

Em's still around, still our protector. she's also wound up having to step in & do work stuff sometimes cos I get too anxious about it & leave stuff too long & we get in trouble. she doesnt like doing work stuff but i guess she does it to avoid us getting in too much trouble? idk.

Teg's someone i just met like a month or so ago. she's been around awhile longer but either we didn't realize she was there or she was too shy to let us know? anyways i met her when she got badly triggered by something & i kinda followed the feelings back to where they were coming from & found her. she's a little foxgirl & she loves foxes & we've been obsessed with foxes for a few months & didn't know why. we even got a fox plushy before we knew she was the one who wanted it.

so we sleep with a fox plushy for Teg & we carry a kitty plushy to T for Ciara lol.

and then there's me, viola. I'm still here. somehow i'm like the longest-lived frontperson in the past 3 years. i'm almost constantly overwhelmed by having to deal with all our grownup responsibilities & stuff. I started writing back in January & its become a passion/obsession. i've written & 'published' 4 books so far this year, over a half million words. i have another 2 books i'm working on that're almost done too. probably close to 700,000 words written since january.

i started a patreon for my writing & i've even got fans & stuff. its neat but also scary.

idk theres probably a million things i'm forgetting. we kinda disappeared from alot of social media stuff, but then i got active on discord in a couple servers with other writers.

therapy stuff is ongoing, and our T says we're making progress. Ciara's pretty much driving that forward, and Em helps her & keeps her safe & stuff.

oh right, i'm still disconnected from reality like half the time. Em's pretty grounded tho so she also makes sure stuff happens like bills get paid and whatever. i'm pretty sure Rebecca's still lurking around too & probably helps keep us from getting too disconnected.

anyways, sorry we were gone so long. we weren't like avoiding folks here or whatever, its like something inside was blocking us from coming here. dunno why? today was the first time we could even visit the site in ages.

viola

Hi Viola!! It's so good to see you guys back here!

I'm glad you're still seeing your T and that it's going well. It sounds like the basics are under control also, but I'm sorry that everything is still so hard.

We sleep with a llamacorn and the stuffy that our T gave us.

The virus is still a big deal here, so we can't see our T in person, and it will probably be many months before that's safe again. It's great that you can go and see your T!

the Gang

thanks Gang!!!

the virus is still a thing here too, were having like the 2nd spike or w/e but our T has alot of special protocols & stuff. theres a whole procedure now we hafta follow when we visit & its still kinda wierd.

we had to do video-T for a couple months & might hafta do that again if stuff gets worse. she said she's only allowed to have some inperson clients but mmost are on video. and i think(?) shes the one who wanted us to come inperson when that was allowed cos it works way better for us cos we dissociate too much on video or something?

llamacorn sounds cute & funny. Teg wans us to bring her fox stuffy to T but the others say its too big & we couldnt hide it like we can sorta hide the little kitty stuffy.

Viola and all!!!!

So glad to see you here!

MDs

It's great to see you all! We wondered how you were, but figured you would be back when you were ready to be. We're sorry things are still hard mode, but also glad to hear that you are having forward momentum.

a crow

Amethyst. What a beautiful description.

Hoping your system is all doing well.

thankyou MDs & Crows & KalliopePS



were ok today but we had therapy & its tiring & stuff

it wasnt as hard today tho cos we didnt talk about the really hard stuff