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Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun Dec 06, 2020 9:06 am

-- Conflicting feelings are difficult to deal with. Good luck untangling it all!

-- And congrats for all the published stuff! Yay viola! You rock! Whoot!

__
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Mon Dec 21, 2020 11:14 am

thanks fireheart, thanks Zami

-----

so i've been our systems 'host' for about a year now. almost a full year i've been like the only main front person, and over a year that i've been the one who's here most often

v2 last fronted at the end of september. v1 last fronted on dec 21st iirc ( and we last heard from her at all on dec 29th. v2 might still be around but if so she's really faded over the past 5 or 6 months)

in the 3 years since we had our DID awakening or whatever you call it, we've seen 4 hosts pack up and vanish. our longterm host steph was the 1st, her vanishing is what set off the whole DID crisis thing. then V1, V2, and Arin all came and went.

i never wanted the job & i know i'm really bad at it. like i'm not good handling work stuff, not good pretending to be an adult, not good at alot of stuff. ive kept us going & stuff, got us thru this past year from hell.

i'm worried tho that maybe i'm starting to unravel like the others.

i started writing in january & i really enjoy it. ive written over 750,000 words in under a year. i completed one epic saga of 540,000 words. i'm 225,000 words into another, and just started writing the 3rd book of that series.

but the last 4 or 5 weeks its been getting harder and harder to write. and i'm noticing as i'm having more trouble writing, theres someone else with other interests taking control. i dont think theyre fronting, i think its more like passive override, so they direct me to do their things instead of my things.

we recognize this its a longstanding pattern. that internal shift of focus from one interest to another.

i'm worried that this is like, the beginning of the end for me & i'll fade away like v1 & v2 etc but i'm not ready to go yet. i wanna write more. i'm enjoying that & not finished yet. i have more stories to write.

theres other stuff thats complicated. dec29 is coming up & its anniversary of losing v1, that had a big effect on the rest of us & our health (cos v1 was kinda incharge of health)

idk i'm just sorta babbling & stuff

i'm not scared to disappear cos i know when it happens someone else will replace me. i just dont wanna go yet cos i'm not finished the stuff i wanna do.

viola

(edited to correct a date)
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby MakersDozn » Tue Dec 22, 2020 1:55 am

Hi Viola,

Just wanted to let you know that we're reading, we care, and you are valued.

We hope that you stick around as long as you're willing and able to do the things that you enjoy doing.

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Notable: Charity 25 (oldest), Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Dec 22, 2020 6:34 am

Hi Viola,

Same here. We hope you can continue doing what you like to do.
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Snaga » Wed Dec 23, 2020 1:09 pm

Hugs, and hopefully you are not going to be 'past-tense', any time soon, Viola!
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Wed Dec 23, 2020 2:53 pm

Thanks MDs, Gang, Snaga,

Viola is still here, but she gets panicky sometimes about this stuff. It's a really difficult time of the year for us (as we're sure it is for a lot of people).

It's also been a tumultuous year with therapy, we've made a lot of progress but lost a lot of stability, and that's on top of it being a very difficult year all round.

We appreciate your concern and your support.

Em
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Fri Aug 06, 2021 10:39 pm

figured we should update our thread

still not doing great, after almost 4 years our 'pretend to know what were doing at work' thing is faling apart
last 18 months has seen alot of our habits & routines fall apart cos of the pandimec chainging everything
most of our system is still missing / lost in the fog

still just viola em ciara teg most of thetime

viola fronts 90% of thetime
viola writes most of the time
writing is escape, its fun, shes gud at it, people like it
everything else is faling apart

em has issues with our T
after a year of ciara handling sessions em went to a few
em realized T treats her very diferent from ciara
T chalenges ciara, questions her, doubts her, makes her feel like t doesn't believe her or doesnt understand her
T never chalaneges or questions Em, takes everything Em says at face value
Em doesnt want to do therapy but questions if T is able to do the job right since she doesnt seem to work well with ciara

viola thinsk we maek more progress on our own / talking with friends than with T but we dunno if thats true
like maybe its a bit of both? may be T helps some ways & friend hslp with other ways
its hard to say
we keep making progress (they say) in understanding stuff? not remembering stuff but like, uputting stuff in context. puting our life in context so stuff makes sense

we're always kinda discontectdd from the body &reality a litle bit.sometims more than others
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Aug 07, 2021 6:25 am

Glad to hear some news! We missed seeing you around!

Sending tons of moral support because it sounds like your are going through a rough patch.

I hope your T changes her(?) behavior and starts treating all of you with the same respect. If it can help, there exist some therapy manuals for DID such as example "Coping with trauma-related dissociation" in case you want to have a look at the complementary solutions that exist and could maybe help you (I think you can find free to read excerpts online so you can have a look and see for yourself if it might be a good match for your needs).

You are very brave doing your best to balance so many things at the same time. We hope you find stability soon because your life sounds exhausting at the moment!
__
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Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion & trauma holder)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat Aug 07, 2021 7:44 pm

It's great that the writing is going well. It sounds like viola is really talented at that. Is there a way to monetize it?

Have you talked with the T about the differences in how she treats you? Does she even know when she's talking to em and when she's talking to ciara? It sounds like that would be important to talk with her about, especially since it sounds like she doesn't treat ciara very well.

It's probably true that both things help in different ways. We're trying to pay more attention to our contradictory feelings and realize that even if they're opposing, they both have validity.

Anyway, we've missed you and we're glad you're posting again.
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Sun Aug 08, 2021 5:23 pm

thankyou ArbreMonde & Gang

we have that coping book but havent looked at it in along time. we know we should tho
& we havent talked to T about how she treats Em different from Ciara. shes on 2 week vacation but maybe when shes back Em will try to talk about that stuff

re the writing viola set up a patreon & she makes enuf money from her words to pay for groceries now so thats kinda cool. not enuf to make it a career but she does good for the niche genre stuff she writes
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