by SystemFlo » Mon Aug 12, 2019 3:46 pm
Don't have one, but I think I could if those reasons we had to do something similar would've lead us further.
I saw lot of horror movies when I was little. Therefor I was terrified of almost anything, because anything can be bad, or someone can come from there, or maybe someone has been killed there, or I would. I still hate dolls and clowns, but not mirrors (that way), walls, beds, bathtubs, showers etc. anymore. We lived next to forest and I spent a lot of time there with our dog, but was still scared of it. I think our original inner world is also a forest that has a bad will, it's looking for you and alive around you, everywhere.
I remember I one day got sick about it all and decided I am the worst thing in the forest. I'm there preying all other things and what ever there is, they're my next victim, not the other way round. I didn't ACTUALLY start doing those things, it was just an image in my mind. If I'd came across with serial killer, I'd hunt them down too. I think it wasn't me, it was probably Sami back then who became as bad or worse than anything that could threaten us, and I continued playing in the forest with the dog, and am not scared of them anymore, not even when it's dark. I take the attitude for it, and I'm freed of being scared, we'll get ready to attack. We still do, but nowadays it's maybe late at night when we are out in areas that are not that safe in our city. We kind of have a weapon with us, it's not a real weapon, it's an everyday object everyone uses probably everyday or several times a day that needs to be with us anyway, but when you take it to your hand certain way, it's pretty violent thing to hit someone with, and we do put it that way in our pocket when it's more likely to be attacked. And we feel ready, not scared, not violent, just ready.
I think we didn't identify being that bad really, because we weren't that separate. We were there together, kind of balancing ourselves/each other.
Sami is our defender, and although he knows and fully understand all people are born from their parents, he'd never say it aloud. If anyone ever asks, he always says he doesn't have parents. He doesn't identify with having parents, at all. Therefor the logic is he came to be from somewhere else. It was kind of a joke once, but lasted for years, when he said he came to be from bad spirit. There can be a deeper meaning in it too, because we wouldn't have him as our defender if we wouldn't have needed one. So he DID came to be because of bad things. But he's not into demon stuff, he thinks it's in a way so childish. He kind of likes the old horror movies tho, because they're so meaningful for us, nostalgic, but I've become way more sensitive when I realized we're not the same person, that I wouldn't watch them anymore. And littles are more here, they'd see them too, so we can't even if I'd want to.
Part of the reason why the thing about him being originated from bad spirit was his birthday, he's born 6th day of 6th month. It can also actually refer to our parents and the fact he sees them as bad, because he doesn't empathize with their reasons as much as I do, it's not his job.
When I was around ten or so, I did feel I belong to darkness. I didn't want to, or never glorified it, but just felt like it. Now I think it's just so sad. But I think that is how you make parts like demons. They see themselves as something profoundly bad, they can't be scared no more, but turn to identify rather bad than scared, or they feel there's real power in it and they really need it. What ever the reason is, the reason is sad one. They can also represent something that is very hidden, even from yourself, which they think is bad, but isn't really. And like others said, if there's a big bad bully in the system, it's common to find scared little one either from behind it that it protects, or that it's a mask of the little one's to scare others away from them.
Our family was not religious. If I would've been scared of hell like that too, I think we could have a demon or two in the system, and it would be very understandable. However, the're not to be scared of. If they're demons because they wanna be scary to others (and therefor feel safe) they may not like me to say it. But our defender is like that too. He doesn't mind at all f someone sees him like he'd be bad, and he's fine to be something people are scared of too. Like my mom. He doesn't look for it anymore, but did once.