apparently I'm a bitch

just got feedback from my supervisor that I am not upbeat enough......

I'll just add that to the list of $#%^ I need to work on...... ######6 ###$.

BeccaBee wrote:not upbeat enough

So she expects you to fake it?

I hate that $#!+.

Laura and others, empathizing

come to where we live.
nobody will expect you to be upbeat here.
we are grumpy people with lousy customer service
you would be a light in the darkness.

and remember this well, so next time your supervisor is merely human you can give it back to them.

Asti&Annett

"Not upbeat enough." That's not so bad. It's different from "not upbeat."

You can't and shouldn't have to rewrite your whole work persona and since when does that work anyway? In a work place, "not upbeat enough" may translate to "need to talk about or focus more on potential solutions to problems rather than the problems," which is a kind of reasonable. If hers was at all a valid comment, try turning it into something that you can actually achieve within your work personality.

I know plenty of colleagues who are way closer to Eeyore than Pollyanna but they know how to get sh#t done. Pollyannas are rarely effective in the work place but a little of each characteristic may be what she's suggesting? I've hired a lot of people and I've always chosen "sometimes surly but effective" over "gets along well with everybody." Literally. Actually, when I hear someone described the latter way, I'm immediately skeptical rather than impressed.

well. it wasnt that nice but I'm trying to manage up.....and really hear what my boss is saying and asking for. she said some pretty wretched things.....

she didn't like my word choice in meetings (yes boss. I'm starting speech therapy for the aphasia).

I was belligerent with her.

I have a negative attitude that is killing the group dynamic.

the rebecca who came back isn't the same rebecca who left.

she doesn't think I am not capable of doing the work and shouldn't have come back. it was brutal.

but I got through it with A++++ $#%^.

she bitched me out because she didn't know what else to do. she has been thinking this whole time that I am going to be the same person apparently. I wish you could have seen her waving my glowing performance review from last year saying "The Rebecca who left who is not the one who came back." and I just said that's right. and didn't say anything about how if she just would have listened to me ONE ######6 TIME IN THE LAST ######6 MONTH she would have known this and wouldn't have been planning on me doing all the projects that NO ONE ELSE has been able to execute.

after sitting on this and getting a reality check. my affect is not noticeably different, flatter, or more negative. I think my boss honestly needs me to change the way I manage up. I've always been honest. like Johnny Jack was talking about I am actually not a pollyanna or eeyore. I'm an asskicker. I am direct and persuasive. what my boss described as belligerence was actually her not being able to receive the same feedback. because she cant handle any more #######4. she only wants to hear yeses. and wins. and successes. she has no bandwidth for #######4. where previously she was able to support when I got drag from other departments.

just like I NEED my boss to understand and realize what my actual role is and assign me job duties commensurate with my role instead of delegating high visibility projects of hers to me. i think my boss needs me to understand what she isn't even able to clearly articulate. she needs positive energy from her team because she cannot ######6 deal.

the circumstance of negative energy is when somebody was being a ###$ idiot and I explained the situation. apparently that killed the energy of the team. no problem. I'll keep my mouth shut and let everything go off the rails. she used to LOVE these things about me and now she cant stand them? fine. I'll change. she's the boss. she doesn't want me to stop a half a million dollar mistake BEFORE it happens anymore. no problem. I'll sit here with a smile and keep my mouth shut and everybody can find out in three months. I dont give a ###$. I make the same amount of money no matter how successful my department is.

she wants me to pucker up and kiss ass. no problem.

i honestly just wanted to ######6 clap. yes boss. the rebecca who left will never ever ever ######6 come back. so please understand that and assign job duties commensurate with my role and not the roles of others who are above me and make more money. let's watch the epiphany develop.....

what she gave me to do after refusing to listen to me was a project that was so FUBARd by others.....that when I tried to fix it IT told me to eat $#%^ and die. our group could completely ###$ off asking IT for anything. when IT wouldn't cooperate I asked for her support. when she dismissed it I guess was when I got belligerent....... which was really me calmly repeating myself until she heard what I said. and because I could not fix in one week what this other jacklegs including her ###$ up and couldn't fix in 5 months led to her saying she didn't think I could do my job..... and I just had to like guide her down the runway..... no boss. i cant do project management anymore....which was never my role. i CAN however do the work commensurate with my role if you would just assign that instead of all this other #######4 that is so above my pay grade you cant ######6 fix it.


I think end of the day. my boss heard something she didn't want to hear.....I'll never be the same. I am a different kind of employee and my labor needs to be leveraged differently. I can be a reliable, dedicated employee. just not a high flying superstar doing the work of 3 people. sorry. you still need someone like me. you dont HAVE that person. you have two dumbasses and two superstars. please let me be a choo choo train. and use those other two bitches as superstars.

and I swear......stop comparing me to old rebecca. she's ######6 gone. compare me to other employees at my level and in my role. and I'm still the ######6 bomb.

but I heard her loud and clear. she needs me to lube my lips and get right up in there up her ass and start kissing. because she cannot ######6 handle legitimate feedback about issues within her department. because she is about to lose her $#%^. she thought I was gonna come back and save her and I've come back and I'm just a regular piece of $#%^ who cant save her. I guess she is pretty upset. she didn't lay into me too hard. she really did her best to have a difficult conversation. but she said some hurtful things put of ignorance.

bottom line. it doesn't matter who is right. she's right. I want to keep my job. to keep my job I have to manage up. to keep my job I have to start kissing ass. fine. not my first ######6 time.

but damn.....really waving my performance review? why did she think I would be the exact same? I'm in ######6 PT, OT, speech and walking with a ######6 stick. and she thought I would just show up and be the same bad ass #####& I've always been. sadly brain injuries and neurodegenerative diseases dont work like that.

I think it was just as difficult for my boss to hear my feedback as it was for me to hear hers. I saw some of the things she had listed out as my job duties. (she has a lot of leeway with all her new headcount). she had me doing $#%^ WAY above my pay grade. interfacing with the president of sales? $#%^!! old me shouldn't have even ######6 done that! I stay behind the ######6 curtain for a reason.

anyway --- it was obvious that what she was assigning was way out of line and she is changing things around. I want to be clear it's not special treatment. that $#%^ was crazy put of line with my actual role and above what some of the other tasks the people above me even have. I mean.....way the ###$ out of line with my actual ######6 job.

so anyway I just assured her that I could do work commensurate with my role. and that I took her feedback to heart AMD was so sorry yada yada yada. aphasia. will bring it up at my speech therapy evaluation.

also please dont judge my performance when I was operating in pain and fatigue from having my disability accomodations ######6 IGNORED. A ######6 GAIN.

my brother said since I didn't lose my temper I win the day.

all the responses in my other thread were also very helpful. I saw the wisdom in apologizing for my "knee jerk reaction" and was able to do that effectively.

I think my boss is just super upset that I came back and I'm just a regular #####& now. I cant save the world. and I cant save her. and I cant fix the project that got FUBARd.

what I can do is show up regularly and slog through my pile of $#%^ with great reliability and dedication. sorry.....not sorry.

Yeah. You're supposed to save her. You can't. So she's nervous. Now she's mean.

Show of hands... how many of us had a parent like that?

Colin & Iain (with our hands up)

Wow this boss must have got herself into a very deep hole and she was counting on being able to climb out of it on your back. Too bad for her.

Old Rebecca worked herself into a breakdown by never saying no to anything, making up for other people's slipped schedules and shoddy work, and doing impossible tasks on a regular basis.

New Rebecca isn't taking work home, isn't staying late or coming in early or on weekends and holidays, isn't skipping breaks, isn't skipping lunch, isn't applying every iota of her energy to other people's problems, isn't producing emergency-level effort every minute of the work day, and is taking appropriate professional development time.

Old Rebecca was not sustainable. New Rebecca is staying in her lane, working her job and only her job, and doing it at a normal, sustainable pace. Good for you!

I used to be just like Old Rebecca. I was an extremely high functioning doormat. There was this tall, distinguished looking, useless employee who managed to do only a fraction of his projects then when the project delivery date was near I would be assigned to save the day. Again and again. At first I was actually pleased to be given desperately late projects and demonstrate how I could pull results out of my !@#, until I realized everyone else was pretending Mr Useless was responsible for my work. Apparently the company was selling his expertise to clients, so the fact that someone with no special credentials (me) was doing the work was a dirty secret. I was promised a bonus but got nothing. So I quit and weeks later I had a new job that was far superior in every way, including 50% higher pay and no BS.

Did she actually call you a bitch? Keep notes.

she did not call me names. she did her absolute best to have a difficult conversation and made some poor word choices. she got visibly upset a few times but mostly managed to keep it on the rails. she just kept repeating the rebecca who left is not the rebecca who came back.

that's a really accurate summary. the reason that I always took on special projects and was super awesome was because I wanted work to pay for my MBA so i could get an analyst role and about 20k more per year.

now i have different goals and honestly skills. i no longer have the executive function required for project management. i am however completely capable of doing my assigned role. and that is ALL i intend to do. it was actually my last boss who worked me into a breakdown. well that stupid #####& got demoted after I left his department and he looks like $#%^ too.

but yes. new rebecca is going to show up and collect a paycheck. new rebecca can be left the ###$ out of the spotlight and has no business interfacing with C-suite regularly. please enjoy everything I fixed and created for your department that you got tons of credit for. enjoy deploying all the wonderful things I created last year. and understand that there's no more gravy in this dish.

old rebecca isn't coming back. **applause**

i am loving the pollyanna reference. and explained so well. yes and yes. the two "superstars" are pollyanna. so they give her lots of great enthusiastic lip service and sure no problems and produce no results. but they sure are upbeat about it, eh? I've always been a straight shooter who delivers what I promise. no one will ever my fill shoes again. not even me.

Iain - my mom was just a hot mess like me so I dont have a lot of experience with this creature.....my boss is a very different woman than the one I left behind..... I am laughing actually now that I realize she is not the same woman either. I wonder how hard it was for her when i went out unexpectedly.....about two months after that they gave her two new heads at a higher pay grade (on top of the temp employee) but quick!! if the two of them cant replace half of me then I dont give a ###$. that's why she has an office and a six figure salary.

Hi Rebecca,

Good to hear you sounding super solid.

Iain

I'm a tough #####&. if I cant take a couple on the ######6 chin why am I even in the ######6 game right?

thank you for always reminding me of that.