Weird symptoms

Floralie wrote:

myce wrote:
Edit: I self-diagnosed OSDD because, although I meet the DSM-5 criteria for DID, I think my experience of alters is more like OSDD.

Same with me, and our T agrees we appear more OSDD from outside. But that is all because of our parts are so co-operative. They do have ability to take full control without me knowing about it, but they never do when there's people around. Even at home they put things back in places they were, including my body. I find it where I put it, in the same position after they loaned it. So most of the time, I do not even know when they have used it. That's fine with me. In 40 years they have never done anything stupid, they've only been co-operative, so why would I be upset about it.

Thinking about amnesia, you have to remember there is also amnesia about amnesia. That's what I have. That is why I didn't know for 40 years I did lose time. They know how to make it the way I can not realize, and also if I do realize, I forget it if I don't pay constant attention to it, and write it down right after it happens. I forgot to write things down for couple of months now, and in that time I managed to forget I had ever had amnesia at all. I remembered it again I think three weeks ago, because T asked about it. After that I've noticed 4 things again. In those months when I forget I had it, I either didn't realize anything, but more likely, forgot it right after it had happened. It can be very hard for you to know if you do have amnesia or not. It can be just couple of seconds, and when you do black out, it does not feel time that was black. It doesn't feel like anything, it feel like time continuing as normal.

You are so new with your symptoms, I don't think you can know for sure if you have it or not. Even people who have been married for years may have had it without knowing, or without their partner noticing anything ever.

DID is good in one thing. It knows how to hide. When it can not hide, it makes you forget, or doubt yourself and you are back in denial again, thinking reasons why you don't have it.

Here is a message I wrote to another thread. This is not about that subject in message, I just wanted to ask if you see anything wrong, anything unusual in what or how it's written?

I'm (Fourteen? is) having a weird symptoms he has had sometimes before, when things he wrote started to feel weird to him. This is hard to describe. I don't actually see anything, but my mind twists the message for me somehow, so it feels like it would be very old fashioned. It "looks like" (although I don't actually see it) the "paper" (I do know it's screen, not paper) would have lace on it around the message. Like it's some weird old fashioned letter. Pictures of roses in the corners. I feel like it's calligraphy written with old fashioned pen you dip into ink and the words are also old fashioned. I see it, but just in my mind, with my eyes I can see it both ways, but seeing it old fashioned kind of still isn't there. Like I said, it's hard to describe.

I know it must all be in our head, this is not first time this had happened. Fourteen has had "pictures" about things he writes sometimes, but it's been over a year since it has happened last time. When I read the message again, same image comes again, it is straightly connected to this certain message. Same thing was with Fourteen before, he had different pictures from different messages, but they stayed the same after reading them over and over again. Then it got worse and he started to feel laptop was inside out, and he was writing weirdly inside of it and he had to stop. Then he felt like he's just atoms in the universe, like going to psychosis. But he didn't, he stayed aware it's just a feeling he has, not real, all the time, although he couldn't do anything because of it.

We had been awake then, I don't remember how long. And now we were up last night, it's 7 am right now. But it's not unusual for us to stay up whole night. But maybe it can be just something between dream and wake.

Have you ever had symptoms similar type to this?

Floralie wrote:I see it, but just in my mind, with my eyes I can see it both ways, but seeing it old fashioned kind of still isn't there.

We have experiences where we both see external reality and an imagined reality. This might be like I am in my apartment alone, but I can also see the environment around me as another place and time and maybe with others - real or imagined for both environment and others - and know that that is not what is physically around me, but I see both. The imagined one is almost transparent, and less visually continuous although it is still continuous.

Floralie wrote:We had been awake then, I don't remember how long. And now we were up last night, it's 7 am right now. But it's not unusual for us to stay up whole night. But maybe it can be just something between dream and wake.

It makes sense that it would be related to being in a hypnagogic state. Even so, we have had this when we are not sleep-deprived or in the space between waking and sleep.

-the Crows

we have experienced phasing in and out of subjective realities but it was medication induced symptoms from antihistamines.

I dont see anything unusual in what was written. I hope things get better. I know for me it was very scary to feel that way.