Even more confused

Thanks Gang

Talked to Lily. That's the part that is stuck on having a Mommy. I had a long talk with her. A rough talk. I was living with my mother when I was left by my husband. I was on psychiatric medication that was making my blood pressure dip down to 70 over 50. I was so scared to sleep at night because that drops even more when you sleep. My mother was trying to force me to take more by taking me to the doctor to get the dosage upped even though she saw it was really low. She said I was depressed. Well wouldnt you be depressed if you went from seeing your child everyday to on the weekends when you were the primary care giver? I missed my child. So my mom thought I needed more meds. She thinks meds are the answer to everything and if anybody needs them she does but won't take them. So I left her house and was not allowed to come back. I did it to save my life because I was also about to faint when I stood up in the morning. She didn't care. She has never been there for me. She wasnt nuturing to me except when I was 14 and refused to speak. She constantly put me down. She made fun of my body. She made fun of my OCD. She hasn't been there for me in the hospital. She isn't there for me now. All this to say is I talked to Lily about all of this. I had to. It will save her from future hurt. I told her I would be there for her and that all of us are her family. She's sad. We are all sad but it's how it as and my mental health skill builder told me a year ago that I couldn't change her. So I am going to get some frozen yogurt for Lily when I get paid. I am going to read her Bread and Jam for Francis tonight and I am going to try to take better care of my body for her and everyone. I'm going to try to eat better and at least cut back on smoking. My therapist told me I can make them feel safe by taking care of this one body I was given.

Your mother is very abusive and did tremendous damage psychologically. I get the impression she has a personality disorder like narcissism or antisocial. People like this lack normal human connections to others and can be very toxic especially to their children. It looks like you are making some progress with healing your system.

Thanks Myce