Genuinely good ways to deal with denial?

Zor wrote:I am scared to tell people, my wife, friends that know about the DID, or my doc that I am scared sometimes it's not real... b/c I KNOW that there are some that will seize on this to take THAT doubt as reality and try and destroy the progress made and will freak out over it... It's a terrifying cycle, to doubt, trust, doubt, trust...

We get this too. We can't show any doubt or denial or whatever around our mother cos she'd jump on that and wouldn't let go of it.

With our best friend, its totally the opposite. We've talked with her about the doubt and denial and she tries to help get us past it. The last time, she even said she found it incredulous that we'd ever have any doubt or whatever, cos she's witnessed switches, she's seen us 'be different people'. And she knows we're not the same person as previous host, who also used to be best friends with her.

V2

Zor wrote:And seeing the forwardness, the boldness, etc that LET THEM say these things as also positive, a strength or brashness _I_ don't often show or have... That's put a different light on their actions. Sometimes perception IS critical.

Yeah, I've really come to appreciate the value to us, to me, of that brashness, the strength of will -- being able to block people who are taking advantage of us/me or violating our boundaries in some way, especially if they've been pre-warned. Historically, I've ignored and made excuses for others' bad behavior, I've forgiven and forgot quickly rather than communicated what was wrong.

Often I've been barely aware of the offense, that's how I developed as host. In truth, writing off the offenses to us is another form denial, to get back to the thread's subject. I get we had to do that as a kid, we couldn't move out or find new parents.

Of course the ideal for us is something in the middle, noticing things that upset us and addressing them directly, swiftly, and we've been working and communicating towards that. But the habit, to criticize others, to push them away, to reject them, has been absolutely critical to our overall emotional stability. Without it, we would continue to be hurt without recourse. It's the times that circumstances didn't allow us to address the offenses from or to other people that have led to debilitating depressions.

So if our Ulric, for example, goes overboard, it was originally and is protective. To paraphrase Sondheim, some of his choices may have been mistaken, but his choosing to act was not.