Ending therapy?

I have been in therapy for many years and have made progress, although I am still struggling with DID and the many symptoms.
A few weeks ago the 'horrible' one came out in therapy for the first time and it was vile - the worst possible - but T felt it was long over due and needed. This one is a bully to me and I know it needed dealing with.
It didn't come out in the last session and I spoke with T about what comes next. At my age, I don't have years ahead of me to sort myself out and live life post therapy. I am very resistant in therapy and T has said that I need to decide if I am willing or able to really tackle all the hardest stuff. If not, therapy needs to change a bit to concentrate on support and just living with what I have.
I am torn. I could do therapy more intensively over the summer and see if I can really make a dent in some of the things I need to do, like let the little ones out more in therapy and the 'horrible' one again. However, that will be yet another summer dominated by therapy, not to mention the cost. I am also aware that this decision comes hot on the 'horrible' one coming out and I always have my defences back up after something like that.
I suppose my question is - when do you know its time to stop therapy and accept your limitations? I am in my mid 50s and been in therapy for many years and progress has always been painfully slow.

I think that this decision should be based on your personal values.
It won't be much of a help if I shared our values, because that just wouldn't fit.

Jolly jo wrote:A few weeks ago the 'horrible' one came out in therapy for the first time and it was vile - the worst possible - but T felt it was long over due and needed. This one is a bully to me and I know it needed dealing with...

... I am also aware that this decision comes hot on the 'horrible' one coming out and I always have my defences back up after something like that.

I think that's exactly what's going on. This is big progress, but it's scary, so it makes sense that you might want to avoid dealing with it by ending therapy. It sounds like you ARE starting to "tackle all the hardest stuff," and doing therapy more intensively over the summer sounds like a good idea to me.

If you really weren't progressing over many months, then perhaps you might consider ending therapy, but with progress being made, I think you owe it to yourselves to see this through. I'm older than you, but I still feel like I have years left to live a more full and present life. I don't want things to stay as they are--it's not fair to all those parts that have been neglected all these years.

I think same way than Gang. Mostly because I think it's not just about us hosts, it's about us taking responsibility over littles and that "horrible" one certainly is someone that needs help.

On the other hand it's waste of money and time, if you do not feel ready to go thru what's coming. There's no point in pushing from outside, it is your choice. I'd think about it as choice of the system, like any big change tho.

If you're 50, you can still have decades ahead. And it certainly would be different if there would be no progress. If you feel like you're losing summer, and you'd wanna have a break from the hard stuff, take a vacation for summer and continue at fall again. Also you can take a different approach for a while. Like body therapies, if you don't do them, and it is something possible for you. We're only able to have two more years of therapy now, then we need to have a 5 year break, and we can do another 3 years. While we can not do therapy, we are gonna try yoga and other stuff, anything we can afford really. After all that our body will be over 50 too. I'm still looking forward where it can take us. That we know better what we want to do with our live.

Healing from DID is changing your neurology, and yeah, it will take time, we all know that. I think it's a good time to stop when everyone in the system is feeling good about themselves. When someone is still called horrible, everyone is not feeling good, there are parts hurting.

I don't think therapy years are years wasted, but if you feel like that, then it's how you feel and it's valid. What do your littles think about it? It's also only you who knows the effort and time used until now, and what you have gained with it.

What "limitations" would you be accepting? All these years in therapy you have been holding back, limiting yourself, out of fear of what might happen. And the fear continues, doesn't it?

Now look at what just happened: Something you feared---even dreaded---for years finally happened and it wasn't so bad after all. Your T is alive and well and still working with you, and you are not in jail. To me that sounds like nowhere near the worst possible. It happened, it is over and done, and you're fine. That's great!

You can do this.

I don't see anything to be torn about. Go for it. The more things like this happen, the less you will have to fear. Imagine no fear. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Hi JollyJo,

I don't know what you should do. I just want to let you know we always read your stuff. That's because you're important so it's important to take care of yourself. What that looks like I don't know. Right now you sound scared so maybe you don't know either. That's ok. Definitely sounds like something to talk to your T about.

Iain

I told myself I could stop therapy and go back. only going back is way harder than just staying in.

I think you need to take a good hard look at your quality of life....and what that would be like 5 years from now with both options. or set a goal of 6 months of therapy and want to accomplish x, then re-evaluate.

if there is no goal, no finish line....it just feels like therapy just stretches into forever. what would a successful ending look like?

maybe it's time to manage expectations for what success is going to look like and feel like for you. then takes those steps. dont quit because it's hard. that's a recipe for regret. cease because it's the right choice at the right time. good luck!

Thanks everyone for your views.
Very predictably, on the back of seriously considering dumping therapy, I didn't have a great day today. I could almost write the script.
I think I will have a chat with my T about some goals. I would really like a few friends - or at least a few social contacts. I don't think anything more is realistic but that would be good to aim for and to do that, I need to stop fearing everyone. And to do that, I need to sort my $#%^ out in therapy....oh good grief...
Just want to say how great it is that there is somewhere I can share this stuff as needed. I don't speak to anyone else about it and its great to have people in the same boat to talk to. Thanks all!

Is it an all of nothing decision? For quit a while we went to once a month thinking it would help us stay on top of things. Also just support for life events. Didn't want to fall back to old patterns either. Worked well until needed surgery brought back stuff. Was glad I hadn't severed the relationship with a trusted T.

Hi all
I thought I would update this post rather than start again.
So, after a long period of indecision and discussion with T, I have made the decision with her that therapy is going move towards being supportive and getting my life into some sort of order.
The breakthrough was my holiday in the summer. I went on a retreat which was yoga, silence and peace. One of the facilitators was really lovely and she really impacted on me. She seemed to look right into me and was supportive, without being intrusive.
I came back to speak to my T and we decided tht I have never been able to get through the transference with her (some of the others have, but I haven’t) and its prevented me from feeling safe in her presence.
As part of this, she has started to tell me little things about her. I THINK its in an effort to stop her being the blank sheet and giving me enough to see her as a person.
We have also decided to give a support worker a go. I am going to have to pay for it but she will come to my home and help me sort out some stuff, get a limited social life going and help me do some things over the weekend. She can also help me with food. It might also be possible for her to interact with the others, not that I am keen about that.
I am still seeing the T but it is now more often via skype as I live so far away.
I don’t know how this is going to go but we shall see.
I hope everyone here who contributes their thoughts is doing ok and best wishes to yo.