Surgery and anesthesia

Thank you Hank. I will take the letter to the appointment with the anesthesiologist next week so everybody will know what to do.
Also rest before the operation and plan ahead for after so I wont have to do to much. Recovery will be about six weeks but only a few days in hospital.

I know everything will probably go fine but im also freaking out on the inside as well. We dont like hospitals or doctors. I had to go with one of my children once and almost collapsed in the post surgery room. I had to lift him onto the bed but couldnt move and had no strenght anymore. Luckely no one noticed and I could get away in time when my son was under anesthesia.
Getting a tummy ache from it now.

That is all super, super normal. Parents of children in hospital are prone to fainting spells. You did great. You were there.

During delivery of our first child my husband needed oxygen.

Deep breaths. Maybe treat yourself to something? Take a break from the computer, go for a walk, drink some water.

Thanks una for your kind words. Almost making me cry. This is the first time im taking care of myself like this, taking care of all of me.. Also trying not to do it alone but im finding it hard because of the shame and need I have.
I know this is the best way to do it, the safest way but still im not trusting myself enough, if im doing a good enough job for everybody.

We totally get that. You deserve care. You deserve help. And there are many people who want to help you.

For survivors like us, along with allowing ourselves to accept help there comes a period of very painful feelings. We experience grief around our losses, grief about the fact that in the past we were not well cared for, we were not helped by those we depended on. It was normal and right and proper for us to need care; everyone needs care all their lives and furthermore we were children. This painful grief and mourning is part of the 3rd phase of 3 phase trauma therapy. Feel the feelings. Let them come, let tears fall, and these feelings will pass.

More safe hugs.

Tomorrow I have the appointment at the anesthesiologist, luckely it will be at 8 in the morning so little time to stress out after waking up. I have been really scared the last few days ( littles have been scared and upset and had lots of painfull memories surface), but yesterday I managed to talk about it a little bit in therapy and allowed myself and the scared parts to feel scared and sad. Get some comfort instead of beating myself up and having to do it alone.
I will go alone to the appointment tomorrow though, thats still the safest way to go for now.
We gave a blanket to Floralie a few days ago to snuggle under and now the littles would like to take a blanket inside aswell to hide under when we go to hospital in the morning. After the appointment im going to see my psychiatrist so I can talk about how I went.
Also already in the process of selfcare after the surgery. First step there is no surgery before november /december so I can be best prepaired. I need to work on my eating disorder more first and communication inside and do some traumawork before im ready for surgery and after.
It makes me feel upset and angry at one hand because I want to get rid of the problem I have, the reason im having the surgery, as soon as possible, get it over with and not giving me anymore problems in daily life. Not get triggerd by it anymore. But I will have to have some trust in myself and my therapists that this is the best way to go.
Trying to get by today for now.

So, things are going to be a bit different than planned. The surgery wil be in a month from now. I think I prepared for it the best I can for now but I stil get these really scary images in my head. I think they are from traumatised parts letting me know what their scared off will happen. They pop up in my head at the weirdest times and throw me off guard en getting me dissociated and desorientated. Afterwards I can calm them down but would like to know if anyone has ideas how to cope before the images are coming. Their very much like flashbacks and I get totally sucked in.

Hey Allcoulors,

I think its pretty normal to be a bit scared or worried about upcoming surgery.

We'd just keep trying to reassure everyone inside, like whenever you get these images pop up? And maybe even when you don't, like once a day or something try reminding everyone that it's gonna be ok and you all have a plan and stuff.

That's what V2 did for us, like every morning for a few weeks leading up to it, she kinda talked us all through stuff, reminded everyone what the plan was, all that stuff. There was still a lotta tension and fear, but it was kinda managed at least?

Good luck.

Viola