Defining support

Support for me has been my dog and to a much more limited degree my family. And also going out and drinking too much, which I'm realizing now is probably not at all a good thing. I don't want to get caught up on that. This forum has helped me a lot. Really, not this forum, the wonderful people who make up this forum. I think y'all have helped me a lot and I'm very grateful. The users here have inspired me to actually commit to journaling recently, and I feel like that's been going really well also.

We have had various levels of support throughout life. Came from a loving family my dissociation comes from Autism. Although neither my dad or brother are overly affectionate either they have always dropped everything and been there in an emergency for me.

My parents have passed away but would be in their 70's if they were still here now anyway. My younger brother helps when I need to get into town (as need wheelchair cos I can't walk far) and need help with communicating with people, he's always there in an emergency even if he goes on holidays he arranges for one of his friends to be my 'emergency contact'. I've never rung them but just knowing someone would come, helps.

My definition of an emergency though is a life threatening event like severe allergic reaction or the dog needing to be rushed to the vets. I wouldn't get him up in the middle of the night for anything less!

I have had talking therapy in the past but didn't feel I got anything from talking to some complete stranger who didn't know me. I never told them about my 'inner world' or that who they were talking to was just some kind of a persona (this was years ago before I knew DID existed and the correct terminology). We never developed a relationship and I never saw them again after leaving college.

I agree with Floralie's comment


"As an adult avoidant style is told to be easily unfaithful, to avoid the commitment and emotional closeness with a partner, but I don't get even that far. I can't even date, because knowing someone is interested in me just by wanting to get to know me already feels demanding and clingy to me and I just can't. Having friends feels demanding. So I'm like avoidant style x 1 000"

Although part of me/one of us wants 'a friend', we struggle to cope with demands from them even something as simple as wanting us to be online at a regular time to chat, if there' s no 'end date' for when this demand will end! Ironic since I have a strong need for routine but it has to my routine coming from me! If its someone else demanding ..like to be ready at same time everyday to go to work I can't do it, quickly resent it and do anything to get out of it. I can cope with a one off appointment/outing changing my routine for that day with enough warning.

Maybe that's why none of my friendships have worked even when I did have an alter up front that really wanted to have a friend and went out with people? When they're out of sight, they're out of mind as usually another alter has come up front, so when friend contacts us online it's not the alter she knows that she's really talking to and is intruding on another alters 'personal time'?

I couldn't stand having someone in my personal space full time who wanted to share my deepest most intimate thoughts and feelings. Like 08UP my only 24 hour a day companion is my dog.

08uP wrote:Support for me has been my dog and to a much more limited degree my family. This forum has helped me a lot. Really, not this forum, the wonderful people who make up this forum. I think y'all have helped me a lot and I'm very grateful. The users here have inspired me to actually commit to journaling recently, and I feel like that's been going really well also.

I agree the folks on this forum are very helpful. Happy to hear the journaling is going well. It does help us too when we take the time to be more committed.

As you and Kit I have two wonderful dogs who help so much.