constant fear in protectors?

TeddyBear the helper wrote:well drop it, its not a discussion about a abuserintroject with bad memories and plenty of nightmares, but it has escalated to something completely different
-Sorry, but i wont accept that nightmares and flashbacks are something positive that should be honoured and be kept as it is

No offense intended, but I don't understand your answer.
No one talked about abuser introject, or that nightmares and flashbacks are positive.

Dwelt wrote:No offense intended, but I don't understand your answer.
No one talked about abuser introject, or that nightmares and flashbacks are positive.

I talked about someone with a panicfear, didnt think it was necessary or even appropiate to tell his whole lifestory..

TeddyBear the helper wrote:I talked about someone with a panicfear, didnt think it was necessary or even appropiate to tell his whole lifestory..

Maybe it's because English isn't my native language but I'm not sure about what you mean. The "his" here confuse me.

But I'm sorry if we did something you find inappropriate. That wasn't intentional at all. We find explanations easier to understand with examples and, as I said, English isn't our native language, that's why we tend to develop a lot our answers. It's also a way to explain why we think like this and from which experience it comes, not to imply we know the "Truth", but to allow others to be critic about what we say, and because others can maybe spot things they can relate to and pick an idea or two.
Anyway, we understand your feeling. If that was the issue, thank you for the explanation, we'll be more careful in the future.

Dwelt wrote:

TeddyBear the helper wrote:I talked about someone with a panicfear, didnt think it was necessary or even appropiate to tell his whole lifestory..

Maybe it's because English isn't my native language but I'm not sure about what you mean. The "his" here confuse me.

English is my third language too so you arent alone there but it wasnt about me but about a friend, thats why it was he/"his" there

But I'm sorry if we did something you find inappropriate. That wasn't intentional at all. We find explanations easier to understand with examples and, as I said, English isn't our native language, that's why we tend to develop a lot our answers. It's also a way to explain why we think like this and from which experience it comes, not to imply we know the "Truth", but to allow others to be critic about what we say, and because others can maybe spot things they can relate to and pick an idea or two.
Anyway, we understand your feeling. If that was the issue, thank you for the explanation, we'll be more careful in the future.

It wasnt you who did wrong here
But i did already knew most of the stuff you said too, so it didnt really help my very specific question
-I have no firsthand experience of did in myself (except some small strange things that happened over the years, and thats also why i got into it once upon a time too..) so sometimes i do have to ask very basic corequestions to get the full picture of something, but i usually do understand the rest of it.

I find it uncomfortable to have this kind of discussions in here, where there is some kind of therapy thing going on, but done by a person who is not a T. I don't find it safe. If person you help wants help from us, they are welcome in here to tell about their system, and their problems, since they know about it. Third person making assumptions about what would happen when something they don't even know what it is goes away from the system of someone else's.. It's NOT actual help.

This is peer support forum.

In another thread you told to a woman who had been sexually assaulted in unconscious state and after that more sex was asked from them by the abuser, that it is love, and if they would not have been sexually abused as a child they would understand it. Or was it even loving them back, I don't remember, and it doesn't matter. The point is, I find your "help" dangerous. Telling person with abuse history sexual abuse in adulthood is act of love is not what you can do in here, and we do not support you when you do something similar with greater effect to someone else when you are out of here.

Stop doing what you do, or we will start reporting your messages.

Floralie & Sami

your message is reported..

We expected that, and we are OK if part of it is removed, or if it is removed all together. They'll see on what we were reacting and find out about this treatment thing because of it. That's our goal. We prefer safety. Thank you for saving us from the trouble by doing it yourself.

Floralie & Sami

TeddyBear the helper wrote:

IainEtc wrote:I'm one of the Protectors in our system. My guess is your scared guy is helpless. That would be the worst. A Protector that's helpless would panic. Maybe he's too young to be a Protector. Knows he isn't strong enough. Or maybe he's stuck. Protectors need to do something. Action helps us. Not letting him do something would make him panic.

Colin

I use the word protector loosely, as they do in DID litterature where everyone who makes trouble is a protector
But you are completely right, helplessness would be very scary.. i will talk with him and the ISH about that and see if thats the problem behind it, and what we can do about it
THANKS

I talked to him tonight and it was the fear of nightmares in combination with the hosts routine to take sleepingpills at the evening that made him loose control of the nightmares and fear them. so its up to the host now to decide what to do with that information. Thanks Colin

TeddyBear the helper wrote:He is quite oriented in time and he knows its safe, he doesnt pay attention to outside life so much either nowadays and he thrusts and admires the hosts abilities to take care of everything.

It may be that not paying attention to the outside life on a regular basis dilutes the awareness and acceptance that the life is truly safe. For us, not enough or ongoing engagement in the present could mean a relapse into an alter's original point of view. In hindsight, this is why we encouraged as many new alters as possible to front once they woke up in our system and/or became known to us.

Spending time in front worked for most of us and for our system and may not work for everyone. But I'd think that being near the front, watching the outside life, participating as much as possible (by influence, commenting, etc.) would anchor someone more in the present than remaining inside, active or in stasis.

I don't know how this applies to other systems, I've never gotten much feedback about this issue, but for us, encouraging alters to spend time in the body -- to front, do what they want, eventually to participate in life necessities like shopping, cleaning, doing laundry -- has healed alters more than any choice we've made other than taking in and adopting our DID son. It appears that the healing has mostly come from a deep awareness that they are each living in our shared present life with fellow alters, not where, when, and under what circumstances they used to live.

Our proof is that the alters who have spent the most time in the body have healed the most and many no longer feel the need to front much. This "time fronting = healing" has worked even better in our son's system. Actually, it's not fronting alone. It has involved some interaction with people in the outside world or communication with alters who are nearby but not fronting. It also involves the physicality, the realness of our world and our senses: our house, stuff in our home, our neighborhood, the weather, how our clothes feel on the body, how flowers smell, how food tastes. Alters don't have to be convinced that they're safe, they learn it from their own experience.

I think the same principle works from alters spending time interacting with a therapist.

Johnny-Jack wrote:It may be that not paying attention to the outside life on a regular basis dilutes the awareness and acceptance that the life is truly safe. For us, not enough or ongoing engagement in the present could mean a relapse into an alter's original point of view. In hindsight, this is why we encouraged as many new alters as possible to front once they woke up in our system and/or became known to us.

Spending time in front worked for most of us and for our system and may not work for everyone. But I'd think that being near the front, watching the outside life, participating as much as possible (by influence, commenting, etc.) would anchor someone more in the present than remaining inside, active or in stasis.

I don't know how this applies to other systems, I've never gotten much feedback about this issue, but for us, encouraging alters to spend time in the body -- to front, do what they want, eventually to participate in life necessities like shopping, cleaning, doing laundry -- has healed alters more than any choice we've made other than taking in and adopting our DID son. It appears that the healing has mostly come from a deep awareness that they are each living in our shared present life with fellow alters, not where, when, and under what circumstances they used to live.

Our proof is that the alters who have spent the most time in the body have healed the most and many no longer feel the need to front much. This "time fronting = healing" has worked even better in our son's system. Actually, it's not fronting alone. It has involved some interaction with people in the outside world or communication with alters who are nearby but not fronting. It also involves the physicality, the realness of our world and our senses: our house, stuff in our home, our neighborhood, the weather, how our clothes feel on the body, how flowers smell, how food tastes. Alters don't have to be convinced that they're safe, they learn it from their own experience.

I think the same principle works from alters spending time interacting with a therapist.

Very true.