Grounded in the Present ..... Journey Thread

We're glad that it went well with your T, hbodhi, and that Lesa felt safe enough to meet your partner. Sending good thoughts.

MDs

Thanks MDs!

I am glad the fourth is over. I am beginning to feel the anxiety in the body start to lessen. The brain fog is starting to recede as well and that is helpful.

Lesa is very "stuck" in 1985. She is very unexposed to much of anything. Since she came out and met my partner the other day, I can kind of feel her co-presence. She was trying to convert my partner to extreme right wing Chr*stianity. Since then I have had many B*ble versus and such playing non stop in my head. I have tried to journal with her and she is has only written back a B*ble verse explaining sinners and how I am one. My partner said she seems to be driven by fear which would align with the blending I am feeling in the body.

Is it possible to explain to someone it is 2019 (which I mistakenly told her was 2021 in the journal - time is strange at moments) and gently help them not be so freaked? I have not encountered this before and am kind of at a loss. I have tried to convey I get how scary that would be, but that time has moved on and we have moved and are safe now in the present moment. My partner did the same but she does not buy it, and wants to be with her birth family to make sure they are being taken care of.

Some of this may just be it's the fourth weekend and that is where the blending emotions are coming from. They feel to big to be mine and I do not understand them.

I will talk to T about it Tuesday too. Just wondering if any of you all can relate and have any thoughts.

Hope everyone is doing well.

I am seeing and feeling some progress today.

With the help of Tiger was able to get a little more lay of the land inside. I was hoping it would feel welcoming and safe. Guess there is definite work to do to get it there. Yet, I have some clues and that is huge.

Mapping has stopped at present just due to me not knowing who is where to whom basically, and what was shared the other day has been very helpful. It is so strange to me that it seems like many in our system do not know there are others - then again I didn't really, I guess.

The constant white noise machine in my head is turned down much more then normal - it has been getting softer over the couple days. Some of it being so loud must have been the holiday although I know it is a tough time a year I forget, because I have no clue why. I am able to hear much more clear chatter at moments. Before the voices were all just like muffled voices most of the time. I can make out Tiger's very clearly and another one or two.

Everything seems to be progressing but it feels so slow. Maybe, because faster would be too overwhelming.

I am exhausted.

Two nights ago my partner said Jack (a middle) had been up all night. When journaling with him he is really excited to see T today. He was up drawing some things he is aware of from the inside world to share with her. He was really mad she didn't tell him specifically she was leaving a couple weeks ago and never wanted her to come back again, just so she can leave again. I am glad he will have a new experience today.

T has explained she is also glad we are all back on schedule as hers has settled into routine with her son being off for summer break. This is huge for us as consistency and structure with her does help ground us.

How do you all introduce new altars to present time things in a gentle way? (Is this one of those basic questions for our T? If so we just need to know as we aren't always clear.)

Hope everyone is having a good day. If not we are thinking of you and sending good thoughts.

My partner who is extremely supportive had a big emotional melt down the other day. My DID is all a lot after not being able to name it for almost twenty years together, and then getting the dx, and her being able to understand better the things she has seen with no way to name them.

It hit me really hard and I have spent a good amount of time curled up in a ball in bed. I feel so much guilt and maybe it is some shame for this being part of her life. She tells me she wouldn't want it any other way and is very supportive. Yet, I can see the exhaustion, I can see her loneliness of walking away from her life too - to get away from my abusers, I hate seeing what it is doing to her as I get bits and pieces of flashbacks and nightmares, and it all is hard right now.

She has a T and a very good one. I am grateful for that but don't want my trauma or fear or finding more altars to hurt her somehow.

Then I go again to wanting it all to go away. To not believe people hurt me so badly in the past I needed this coping skill. I want the bits and pieces of the flashbacks to at least make sense and be in order so it doesn't cause more questions.

Good news with the huge sadness is: I am getting better communication. It is good and it also sucks at this point. I have had the memories of walking in somewhere and losing some time and walking out for quite some time. Now some of those times in between are surfacing through imagery. it hurts and that is just the truth.

I want to thank you all who read our journey thread and have watched our ups and downs till this point. We never wanted to put tons of different threads with our questions on separate threads because it is easier for us to find them all in one and refer back. We have enjoyed reading and learning so much from each of your journeys as well.

T sent us to find a forum so we could get some extra support - although we had no knowledge of forums prior. This is the one we came to and we are glad.

For now though I think it may be better spending more time (even though it seems like we spend much time) looking within. The support has always been set up from within, I just haven't found lots of ways to access the others in our system, yet. That is slowly coming though.

We will stay and read the forums as it is grounding for us to come here and know others understand and we can relate to so much. Until we have a little more knowledge under our belt we will read more than post as we do not want to give out wrong information, because of a lack of understanding.

I think the hard thing about the forum for us is we do not always express ourselves well. Things are hard to put into words and without others being able to see our expressions and feel our heart and such it may be even harder to understand.

Mostly just thank you all. We look forward to coming back in future months and actually being able to write about being grounded in the present. For now focusing on skills to lose less time, get greater communication within, and getting out of bed each morning seems like enough.

We'll miss you. Good luck & take care of yourselves.

V2