Grounded in the Present ..... Journey Thread

Haven,

I wanted to comment on here and let you know I am glad you have support of these other beings. I have read several things that have been written and believe it will increase your understanding and compassion for yourself and the system to do the same. There are many answers here in the others experiences.

Tiger

Freaked out yesterday because Tiger posted without me knowing. Then got an others view point and saw he did it to help. Everything he does for our system he does to help. We may have to set guidelines around on-line use - atleast to let everyone know someone has something to say or something. With me being very limited in computer skills and not thinking anyone else had more abilities to post we just overlooked it.

I am glad Tiger felt safe enough in a community of others to get out his concerns though and do have compassion for him. Yesterday I did not feel it, but it was because I was afraid of what others on the forum would think of me - sorry Tiger. We are all equal in the body and we are all welcome to come and get support in the same way.

Today I am planning to make cookies mindfully. From getting out the bowl and following it through to eating one. This is another step to helping with emotional regulation.

Today is a new day. Something I try to remember to tell myself each day right now.

I come and want to be able to support others, share our pain, and connect. Yet, I find myself wanting to over think my post as it "should" sound some certain way ??? This is not a normal feeling for me and makes me wonder from where it is coming.

I am back to wishing I could cleverly put this DID talk all back in a box and not open it. The problem is now it doesn't want to go back in the box and my awareness won't let it, because it wants me to examine it, befriend it, to be heard and seen, to show me where the internal pain lives, and to ultimately have me simply accept it.

T asked me last week - wouldn't it be nice to be able to know what is happening during the times someone else is in the body? I told her yes and I think that would be very helpful. We have been looking at lost time, making a goal of losing less time, and being more present.

I tried to stay very present and mindful in making our cookies. I seemed to be in and out, but that is just a chance to make more cookies

Saw T two days in a row this week as that is all she had. Didn't think we would have a lot to tell her the second day and would be to exhausted.

************** Possible Trigger Warning;persecutor alter (??? - death mentioned) *******************



I have had glimpses with our guardian of co consciousness for a few weeks now, but he has been the only one. Yesterday before therapy I had total co consciousness with another. Not sure who - have some guesses. I could see everything he was writing and that is why I am saying I was co conscious, the worst part was watching but not feeling I could do anything about it. He was very much into the best way to be rid of pain is simply death. Death would actually be the best thing I could do for the abusers and they could be happy. (I believe this is because he believes then we couldn't talk).


************* end trigger warning ************



He pulled me in very far to believe like him when he was talking. We did not do anything harmful to the body, but it did scare us. T talked to me about how it is his pain he is projecting possibly and it would be good to find compassion for him. I know on some level that is true because it "felt" right. I just don't know if I can do it.

Hello hbodhi. I just wanted you to know that for me at least, and like you also said, finding compassion for him is really the key. And again, like you said, it might be difficult just because he simply has these thoughts that are just so distant from yours probably and you feel like you can't connect.
With persecutors it's often like this from what I've seen. I found that simply knowing them, even when not trying to feel compassion or understanding them yet, makes things easier. If he likes to write, let him write out all he thinks and what he wants to let you all know. Try to communicate even just through feelings, knowing what he's going through. Don't know if this makes sense, but for me, I always try to do this with people inside that express those urges or wants to hurt the body, or simply have destructive tendencies.

Sometimes I found out that they needed someone to talk them out of it, for example. Be there for them if you can. Hope this makes sense.

Yes exul, thank you! It does make sense and does help him be a little less scary.

Still struggling the last few days working with this new alter. I have been trying to get to know him more and find a way to offer compassion. I asked if there was something he would need to feel better. He told me this is how to quiet him: (I told him I did not feel a need to quiet him, but to get to know other aspects of him - he didn't believe me).

*************Trigger warning****************

"I feel your resistance in the ultimate sacrifice of your death. Therefore, I will share with you more about myself if you simply just make the first cut. Feel the release and see that I am only here to make you feel better."

He told me his name is Lucifer. He was formed when the body was around three years old, but has basically always been. He says he is omnipotent. He has been dormant since the body was around fifteen.


*******************End Warning *****************

Needless to say, I have not done this for him. His voice will not go away and seems to be drowning out all the others. I have asked him if there is anything he would like to talk about other than death. He is definitely not into speaking of anything else.

T told me last time I saw her to offer him compassion and get to know more about him. Once we know more we can support him better. He refuses to tell me more than the above.

At this point thinking of him or trying to engage somehow makes me feel dissociated to some degree. Have been working alot with grounding techniques. I just don't know how to connect, not give him what he wants that is harmful to the body, and to get past him some to get the support from others in the system.

This is just a random idea I had, so take it or leave it, but how about symbolically giving him what he wants?

****Trigger Warning****


Perhaps drawing a "cut" on yourself with a red marker, or making a cut in something else, like a piece of fruit.


****End Trigger****

It might be a way to show him that you are taking him seriously and want to understand him, but without actually doing something harmful to yourself.

Thank you Gang.

I went and got a fake tattoo yesterday from the store. Shortly after applying it he said he would be watching - but quieted. Then I became co present and co conscious with Tiger again which is much better.

I am focusing on my relationship with Tiger as guardian for now and letting him communicate with others as they need it or myself. This has allowed me glimpses of a couple other Little voices and has not seemed so forced or urgent. I am getting some visual conversations with another.

This is all huge progress. Sometimes I just seem to want to be further along than I am.

See T today and am planning to talk about the last few days with Lucifer and come up with more strategies.

Yesterday with T went well. Worked a little with things that were up over the weekend, more building up of myself, and grounding.

Last night my partner and I came to a new awareness of a Little. He was only out about three minutes but he did front.


************************* Trigger Warning *********************

He was all hands in all places.


********************** End warning *******************************


Maybe it was because we were watching something that triggered him out. Not sure. We are real careful to not watch anything over PG13 right now due to the work we are doing.

My partner reassured us it was okay over and over as I was a bit overwhelmed to hear this. Not totally as I do have some knowledge of where this comes from in general without the details.

They simply would catch his hands when he tried to do anything inappropriate for a child and let him know he was good safe here and he didn't need to do that anymore. He was quite persistent and they kept repeating themselves.

Spent some time outside today which is so good for all of us. It seems to lift everyone's spirits which is good. Now to do a little work for therapy tomorrow before T goes to her trauma training next week and is unavailable.