Where Are They?

Hello,

As some of you know, I was recently diagnosed. I have known of younger parts that come out in therapy, but don't know much about them or about the rest of my system. I'm trying to find books or websites that can help me to contact and communicate with these other parts, but am not finding enough usable information. Knowing that the parts my therapists have seen are small children, I'm not sure that writing them notes would be an effective way to get contact. Do any of you have ideas? I could ask my therapist, but she's going out of town and she's doing this thing where she wants to see what my system can handle before I switch in therapy, so if I start switching and she notices that it's happening she asks me to leave, but she's only doing that for a total of 4 sessions, which is totally okay with me because therapy is wearing me out lately. I believe her, I must have DID, but I'd like some proof other than waking up in the closet or missing the whole weekend....

Silentfornow wrote:Knowing that the parts my therapists have seen are small children, I'm not sure that writing them notes would be an effective way to get contact. Do any of you have ideas?

Get out paper or coloring books and crayons, look up some cartoons and see if they seem to like any of them, go for a walk in nature and describe what you see. You can also send comforting feelings of hugging them and carrying them around, especially if they're toddlers.

Silentfornow wrote:I could ask my therapist, but she's going out of town and she's doing this thing where she wants to see what my system can handle before I switch in therapy, so if I start switching and she notices that it's happening she asks me to leave

That sounds very strange to me, and I don't even know what it means to "see what my system can handle." Does she have experience with DID?? My T welcomes whoever wants to come. We're all his clients. He wouldn't ask any of us to leave. I'm sure it would feel like a rejection to whoever was showing up to meet with him.

Not knowing how to connect with our Littles and them coming out in session has been where we have been very recently. In fact I still have no co consciousness with any of them. Coloring book is a great idea, I bought a couple stuffed animals that seem to make there way around the house so I know they enjoy them, getting a happy feeling inside while watching Disney tells me they are there. We have had a little more progress and so we get more clear glimpses which is helpful.

I would feel as I believe any part that was out rejected by my T if they asked us to leave. My T freaked out a little and got all academic when she truly "saw" our DID and then diagnosed it. She always just went with what was happening before that and then got into "do no harm", and she isn't a qualified DID therapist as the licencing goes got worried. Me and my system freaked out with her over those couple of weeks because she is in many ways our constant and this made us feel rejected and bad - and we weren't kicked out just knew being us wasn't okay all the sudden somehow. She went and did a supervision meeting and then just came back and was back to everything was fine, we are making progress before her freak out (her words), and so we have went back to moving forward and learning together.

I tell you all that because maybe your therapist like ours is not a specific DID therapist. If not it is fine if they are open to learning and guiding you while they learn. If you have an established relationship it can make many other things easier to walk through. If they are not and not willing to change or grow their mindset maybe it would be better to find someone who doesn't throw you out because you are being you in session.

Just my thoughts. We wish you and your Team some comfort.

I am also wondering what the T means. Does she send you out of her office? What happens after that?

How often do you come to in the closet? Is it nice in there? If it isn't nice, make it nice. Clean out all clutter and put on the floor a small blanket, some pillows, and maybe some battery or chemical glowstick necklaces or a flashlight. Best would be any light up toy you had as a little child. Also any stuffies you were especially fond of as a child. Look at family photos or talk to older family members to identify those. Maybe add a magnetic dry erase board and a few odorless dry erase markers and some magnets.

You can also borrow a trailcam from a friend or local nature center or club, and use it in the home to get some idea what the others do when they come out. Trailcams are designed for off-line use so there is no internet security issue.

Also, I don't know if you are a parent yourself. If you are not, you'll need to think as if you are, and watch out for common things like children starting fires in the closet. One of my children did that! When I found the fire damage I was so thankful that I never, ever left the children alone inside our home. My husband and I were careful about keep matches and lighters out of reach, but obviously our fire safety measures were defeated.

When we were beginning, we walked thru a toy store asking: what would you like to play with? Third trip, heard a wee voice ask if they could really have that? It was a coloring book with a story of cats. Took it & crayons home. Would sit with it each day just scribbling. Then one said: stay in the lines. Then one wanted the story read over & over. Didn't press for names or info other than what they wanted to do. That was a long time ago. Now they have names, favorite games, have told their stories. Are now talking to others, therapist, even helping each other...occasionally!!

Hi,

You have to leave therapy if you switch??? What's that all about? Our T was happy to talk to whoever needed therapy that week. I thought that was pretty standard.

I remember when Host didn't really understand about us. It was as hard for us to talk to him as it was for him to talk to us. Alters learn not to bother the host with stuff for like most of our lives and then suddenly hosts WANT to talk. It feels totally backwards.

Your Littles are probably pretty scared so you got to make things super safe before they can even THINK about talking to you. Also you're an adult. Adults hurt us and didn't do anything to stop the bad sh*t so most of us were pretty p*ssed off at adults. That didn't make talking to Host any easier.

Iain