Bad alter ****Trigger warning***

Hi Dnester, this is really bothering you and I've dealt with this for years so I'm going to share how I deal with it. Your psyche may be different so you may have to find your own way of dealing with it. Actually I'm going to give you a run down of as many things as I can remember until I came to my current way of dealing with it because one of those may suit you better:

My starting point is to take the veiw that demons are not real. And I still believe that but I don't expect delusional alters to believe it, its theirs not mine, which is how I stay relatively sane.

1. Take medication (didn't work because some alters are suppressed and I lacked emotions to a point I felt no connection or enjoyment in life so its my last resort, least ideal option but I did try it).

2. Keep telling them they're not demons or from hell or been to Hell. Mine prefer to say they've been to hell - nearly all of them except Peter and Mandy and Karen. Peter is Buddhist, Mandy is a child and Karen is a witch or a pagan so they don't believe in Hell. Beth doesn't have past life memory or claim any particular religion, she's agnostic and doesn't particularly believe or disbelieve anything.
So I tried to keep telling them they're not from hell and learnt other religions and tried to say its impossible to know what's right or wrong but it got me precisely no where.

3. Ignore. Or just say "OK whatever. Who cares. Big deal. Tell me something more interesting" That didn't help.

What I do now which stops it: I let them tell me all about hell. "No-one" literally just came back from hell in the last few weeks. I say "stuck in a trauma memory" she says "went to hell because I did bad stuff" potatoe /potarto. She did commit a few minor crimes when we were younger. It's about gett her to forgive herself and let it go. It's about her accepting the trauma that happened to her, that things are not her fault. It's about getting her functioning in a helpful, life fulfilling way so she avoids past mistakes.

The Twins say they're basically demons. They worked in hell. They say there's a massive spiritual battle and the concept of heaven and hell is scewed by the Christian pantheon starting with the Jews. They say Bal (the devil) is a fire God and the Christian "God" was El the God of air. That mankind made a grave error of judgement to demonise Bal and the battle is to restore balance. Which kind of agrees with Wiccan lore, witch lore, that Karen believes. In Wiccan lore Hel is a goddess who carried the soul from death to birth which is a very painful process. And of course in Wicca there God's of earth, air, fire and water. Her disgruntlement with Christian pantheon is that they caste out the Goddess. In the Christian pantheon the Goddess is the holy ghost and she finds that incredibly offensive. So they're kind of on the same team but for different reasons.

Rose is a Christian. She believes in Jesus. But her and Patrick say they have been to Hell and Patrick carried Rose out of hell. The other day Patrick ended up back in Hell and Rose had to go get him.

So I let them tell me all this stuff and I don't disagree with them. I actually find their stories interesting now rather than disturbing. When I would get hung up on it being delusional and disturbing it was difficult to deal with it and upsetting and I was in constant battle with myself. Now when Rose says she has to go get Patrick from hell I just wish her well and back safe and sound. It's much more peaceful than arguing with myself and I get on with real life.

The worst one is when they tell me I'm actually already in hell. Not as a figure of speach but I've actually somehow slipped dimensions and am physically in hell. That used to be awful. Now I'm like "oh, this is hell. It's not so bad. Hell is shopping mall, I can see where you're coming from. Maybe we'll just stay in hell then if this is hell" Doing that has made my life easier. I was terrified doing that would make me mad but it hasn't. I don't believe what they're saying I go along with it, ask questions if appropriate and live my life as normal. In a way it kinda makes life a bit more interesting.

The twins telling me they own companies is more annoying at the moment but I think I'll just go along with that too now because writing out how I deal with the whole hell delusion has made me realise keep arguing isn't always the best option. I think I've found that more annoying because I can prove who owns a company but I can't prove there's no hell and demons so eventually I went along with them. But I decided I'm going to just go along with their billionaire stories now and say "oh that's nice"

Good luck with this. I wish for you to find your best way to deal with and live with this, Beth.

I dont know what to do. I asked God to tske her away and she is still there. I get that maybe she isnt a demon. If she isnt a demon why is she causing anxiety. Alters are supposed to be there to help you. She does not help me. She makes me feel like a horrible human being. She doesnt just think horror movies are funny and things like that. She thinks horrible sh*t is funny. Peoples pain, and tragedies are funny. So maybe she is a demon. She slso doesnt speak. I have never heard a word from her.

In our system there is also a part who believes themself to be a demon.
They are cruel and distant and do not care about hurting others or themselves.
I'm sure they would find violent things funny also.

They are helpful because it means that I don't have to deal with the feelings of despair, abandonment, anger, and bitterness behind why they became that way. They feel like they are "not human" because we were made to feel like we were not human.

In short, even if an alter seems destructive or unhelpful - they are usually protectors, or at least contain stuff/feelings that would be hard for you to deal with. Sometimes they can be unhelpful because their information about the world is outdated. In this case, it sounds like Thorne helps to deal with your mum.

I dont see how though. Thorne is activated by my mother. I think it is possible she developed because of my moms negativity and probably because the first memories that I am aware of feelings are feelings that I was bad. So it would make sense that Thorne was created as a spilt of good and evil but I dont see the hrlpfulness in that. It just proves that I am bad, proves me mother right, and she can tell my facial expressions when Thorne is out because she looks at me weird. So I am just continually proving my mom is right. Thorne makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. She makes me feel like I am dangerous and uncaring. Do you think it is possible she was created to split the evil from the good because I could not handle that duality in myself snd in that way she is helpful?

Dnester wrote:I dont see how though. Thorne is activated by my mother. I think it is possible she developed because of my moms negativity and probably because the first memories that I am aware of feelings are feelings that I was bad. So it would make sense that Thorne was created as a spilt of good and evil but I dont see the hrlpfulness in that. It just proves that I am bad, proves me mother right, and she can tell my facial expressions when Thorne is out because she looks at me weird. So I am just continually proving my mom is right. Thorne makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. She makes me feel like I am dangerous and uncaring. Do you think it is possible she was created to split the evil from the good because I could not handle that duality in myself snd in that way she is helpful?

Now you're back talking sense again. This is definitely much much closer if not completely accurate to what is actually Thorne.

Is Thorne called Thorne because she's like a Thorne in your side?

The concept of "good and evil" is a man made concept made up around the time of the ancient Greeks. Before this there was no "good and evil" Nothing was viewed as inherently good or inherently bad. Things just were, actions just were.

Some people like to believe in good and evil. It's sort of a universally accepted concept now but it is still a man made idea.

Yes thats why I named her that back when I first recognized her in my early 20s I did not know what she was. I explored it in therapy and my therapist said she was not an alter but just something we all experience just that I had a hard time with everything just being black and white. I had named her Thorne exactly fot that reason. She is a thorne in my side. My therapist insisted I had no alters because she had not seen any and she believed it was very rare to have alters. I dont believe Thorne just thinks horror movies are funny or like my therapist said normal nervous later at a funeral.Thorne laughs and gets excited by horrible things. Peoples sickness, tragedies etc. A person with normal badness might laugh if someone fell doing a trick on a skateboard if it looked funny etc. She thinks things like people ****Trigger warning***(talk of death)*****
in fires are funny, or gruesome homicides, or just xomeone sick is funny. I am happy inside about those things when she comes out but then I have thr other part of me battling that is so wrong you wouldnt want that to happen to you or your loved ones. So I dont agree with my old therapist or my current one when she says thingd like thst are normal.