Are all Littles always stuck in the past?

Thanks for making this thread, Violetflux - and for the others for contributing.
Relate a lot. It's nice to hear we're not alone in our experiences.

Hi to everyone. We are not stuck in the past. It is April 18, 2019 and our body is 57 years old and has a boring job in the city and that's how we get money for cheeseburgers.

And some of the other kids have big feelings from the bad stuff but you know what. Our bigs have most of the big feelings about the bad stuff. Not us kids.

So anyway to the Flux people we hope you can tell your T that littles can be just as different from each other as bigger people are. And you can print this out and show her if you want.

Joseph who's 8 and a half
and 25 other kids

My first thought is what would your system be like if everyone grew up? A bunch of adults? How would that function? Could each one learn what normal kids learns at each age so they were all age appropriately adults? Interesting question!
We are working on eliminating the fear & letting all feel safe now. They seem to be acting more in groups which is also a big change. Little ones are getting to know other little ones, even playing together. Some didn't know how to do that. And feeling safe enough to come out. A number were concerned about the birds that just returned to the tree outside our living room window when we had a sudden snowfall. They wanted to put food out for them. One wanted to put out a blanket! Working together on a present day problem. But they are not older. 4 year old is not now 5.

Dear little ones came to my mind too. And they do get to choose. Little is stuck in the past as long as trauma keeps them there and they don't know about this day and present life. They are NOT stuck in the past just because of their age, if they are not stuck there anymore but can come out and play, and they know outside life is different now. All parts can decide for themselves. Some parts may integrate once they are released from where they were, or go in and sleep. But sometimes they just turn into happy littles instead of sad ones. Growing doesn't measure if they are stuck, being stuck means they don't know trauma is over, or they know that, but it still hasn't healed.

Trauma holders can also grow and become adults, and still have all that hurt inside. So their age really don't measure if they are healed or not, or stuck with trauma. Age is just one part of their identity.

sounds to me like your T is stuck in the past. what a dodohead.

anybody can be smart or dumb. anybody can be short or tall. anybody can be little or grown. and anybody can be in the dark down or in the now.

lil b was never in the dark down. she tried to grow up but she couldn't.

Adelhilda, Amy, Daisy, and Aelen were in the dark down.

Amy and Daisy have stayed the same age but Adelhilda and Aelen are growing/sliding.

just cuz you seperate don't mean you lost! phht.

MakersDozn wrote:Hi to everyone. We are not stuck in the past. It is April 18, 2019 and our body is 57 years old and has a boring job in the city and that's how we get money for cheeseburgers.

Joseph who's 8 and a half
and 25 other kids

yup!!!!

BeccaBee wrote:sounds to me like your T is stuck in the past. what a dodohead.

Yup!! We agree!!

The only "little" I know of and have awareness of right now is Chloe- about 11... give or take.

She is aware of the whole thing, being part of the system... and we're working to reconcile outside and inside life events for us all still... but she seemed to take the news ok and just go with it.

Others, older ones, had more trouble with it- some STILL do, a year later, and struggle to accept it and adapt to it... so... I think it depends entirely on the person, the alter, and the system.

We talked about exactly this in therapy yesterday in lue of Simon starting to grow up. Lisa fronted for the first time on her own in front of our T and had a fit about not wanting to talk about the bad stuff and not wanting to grow up. When asked why she doesn't want to grow up she said "I don't know."

Later when I asked her again she said she doesn't know what comes after this so she's scared of it. It's very typical and expected of a behaviour from any child her age - fear of what's unknown - but it was an important development. Just putting this here because it might be an important thing to consider about littles, especially those who might hold some trauma despite being aware of what's going on around them.

vix wrote:We talked about exactly this in therapy yesterday in lue of Simon starting to grow up. Lisa fronted for the first time on her own in front of our T and had a fit about not wanting to talk about the bad stuff and not wanting to grow up. When asked why she doesn't want to grow up she said "I don't know."

Later when I asked her again she said she doesn't know what comes after this so she's scared of it. It's very typical and expected of a behaviour from any child her age - fear of what's unknown - but it was an important development. Just putting this here because it might be an important thing to consider about littles, especially those who might hold some trauma despite being aware of what's going on around them.

Well, but why all this focus on growing up? Why is this even being brought up as an issue? My T has never once mentioned anything about littles growing up, or needing to grow up, or anything relating to that. Why is "growing up" being talked about as if that's "what comes after this." What is the this that something is supposed to come after?

It is absolutely not true that healing requires littles to "grow up." Have you read Dear Little Ones? There are different choices for littles, and growing up is just one of them. It's up to each part what they want to do. The main thing is for all of you to help each part with anything that might be bothering them, or hurting them. And for the T to help with that as well, since every part is as much their client as any other.

Oh it's only because we've been discussing it inside as well, along with this thread. Lisa is a trauma holding alter. She's not stuck in the past as far as the world she's aware of but as far as her trauma - she's refusing to work on it. That's what we were talking about with T, not that she needs to grow up. Simon is just one example.

Because we had read and commented on this topic earlier and have been talking about it in the common room, when I and T talked about these stuff in therapy (how agitated she was lately, how out of character that was, how she was refusing to talk about her trauma) she got frustrated and kicked me off front and fronted and talked for herself. Because me and the protectors talked about if she'd grow up after facing with trauma, she said "They tell me I need to grow up but I don't want to."

My T is not a dissociative disorders specialist, I can't find one in my area but we're both doing our best. I understand why you might have gotten annoyed about this but this is how our system currently functions and not all littles have to be like that or have to be holding trauma. I just wanted to point out this may be the problem with some of them as it apparently is with Lisa.

+I haven't read that book because we're hiding anything related to DID from our mother whom we live with.

I wanted to share our experience because it might be the case with other people. I wish it hadn't made you so frustrated, I'm sorry about that.