For littles to talk about difficult topics (Trigger Warning)

Our system didn’t use to have littles, but now I’m kind of here.

I hate being a kid. Most adults are super dumb and I’ve had to take care of things that according to our host, I never should have had to take care of. And I’m frustrated because I’m technically still a little at 12, but I don’t see myself as a little. I had to step up and do a lot of stuff that adults usually ask other adults to take care of, because the adults didn’t know how to manage themselves.

I never really had a mom, or a dad. Not for long, at least. I don’t even fully know what that experience is like. I’ve always been seen as more capable than just a kid, so I’m seen as an adult by crappy adults, I guess.

I’m tired of crappy adults telling me I’m too young for some stuff, but yet not young enough to avoid getting yelled at when I accidentally do something they don’t like. No one in the system, just people when we were growing up. I didn’t surface again until recently.

-Edward

Hi Edward...

It's okay. Bigs can be diffiicult a lot of the time. I'm sorry about your mum and da. Our mum died and it's hard. Our da ran off with some guy.

I hope your Bigs will treat you better. Mine give me treats when I get scared.

But you must be lonely. I've got others to play with if it gets lonely.

Be safe...Marcie.

Hi Edward we have an ageslider who is sometimes 12 she had to do lots of parent/bigs stuff when we were little too. She doesn't really hang out on the public forum (she is very shy) but if you like she does chat on DM.

Hello everyone we r back. Were away for long time. I remembered this place. Even tho I never posted cuz I wasn't around. I know it is safe so I came here.

I am struggling and sad and I dunno if I can talk abt it here bcuz it is kind of adult topic talk but it is nice to know others r like me. N you are also maybe sad and struggling. Esp w adult topic things too.

We will try 2 post more. Really need place like this after physical group was disbanded (the t retired)... thank you for all still being here. I remember people here r kind. N r like me. I feel less alone.

- NB

Hi NB,

I saw your post on reddit also. And I wrote to you there. Hi again. This thread was made for littles to talk about difficult things so the regular littles thread can stay safe and be more for fun and friends. So you can talk about stuff even if it's about a grownup thing, as long as it's something you have to deal with as a little or middle.

We're doing a little better today because we got to talk to our T after not talking to him for three weeks. That was our idea, to not meet with him. I mean, it turns out that he can't really help us anymore, even though he wants to, because his way of asking about things and thinking about things kind of messes us up and makes things hurt more and doesn't help us. So he's sad about that and we are also. We tried lots of ways to solve it, and couldn't. We're looking for another T, but that's really hard to do.

Anyway, there are a lot of things that make me sad and make other littles and middles sad. And this is a place you can talk about that stuff. Except it's just to other littles, so we can't really help that much. But we can say we feel that way also and understand what it's like to not get to do very much and not have outside friends.

Bobby

Hi Bobby.

I'm sorry you have to leave your T ... it is good you tried to fix the issues. It is really sad when they hurt us or can't help us anymore. Finding a new T is scary. I hope you can find a new T who is able to help n doesn't hurt.

We were awake for a long time last night bcuz me and a older but still a kid part TE were upset. I was upset bcuz of the adult stuff and no friends n they were upset bcuz of feeling like they have no control I think-- no life and no outside body; they have to share and it sucks. We know sharing is important but r still sad about it. They r also really sad abt no outside body friends like me.

(TE is ok with sharing that bcuz they're near me rn n typing with me n say it is ok to share. I am trying 2 not share stuff that isn't mine if other parts don't want me to. Bcuz it's important. To be nice and not share if they don't want to.)

Someone else was also really scary-sad. Like the kind when you gotta tell a t about it. We r safe but they r so big with their feelings. It's hard n we feel bad together bcuz their feelings become everyone's. I won't say why they r scary-sad bcuz they didn't say I could share.

We talked to our t today but it was the special therapy main daily life part (Wolf) is doing so I didn't get to talk. But she was nice and not mad that Wolf misunderstood the homework-- it's special homework for therapy.

Today also was just. Bad bcuz we have been awake for so long. We tried to do work but it was at a outside event n too loud n hot to do anything. The boss people were nice n let us go back to the office without having to do anything.

Since it is the weekend I hope we get to do things like games n cartoons n coloring. N reading the cool book. Wolf is going to try better to make sure everyone gets turns during weekdays to do things but it is hard. Work is long ... we do not get to leave until the evening. And then come home tired. It's hard.

- NB (w TE typing also and Wolf nearby)

PS. Wolf is worried we r being too wordy... is it OK that we r wordy? I don't want to overtalk anyone ):

I liked reading what you wrote, NB. So I didn't think it was too wordy.

I'm around more because we saw a possible new T on Wednesday, and I talked to her for some of the time. I think it's been a long time since I was in the front without hiding. Except at the time, we didn't know it was me--we didn't figure it out until later, because we're not good at knowing that kind of stuff.

But I was so relieved to not have to pretend to be a grownup. I guess that means that most of the time when I'm around, I have to be really careful not to act like a kid and always try to be how a grownup is supposed to be, and it's SO tiring and so much pressure. So that's all we noticed at the time--that we felt younger and relieved to not have to pretend.

But I don't think that T even noticed I was a kid. But WE noticed because we had a younger voice and used simpler words because that's what I DO. But she hadn't met us before.

It feels kind of like lying though because we have a big fancy grownup job that takes a long time to learn how to do so we shouldn't be talking like a kid and using simpler words. But that part wasn't there while we were meeting that new T, so it isn't really lying, right? And we don't like to tell people about our job because then they think of us differently.

Now I'm being wordy. But it's nice to have someone to talk to. I just think we're really really messed up. We're not even doing DID right, if we never know who's in front at the time and only know it later.

We asked our old T if we can have a link for next Friday because we decided that it isn't fair to the younger littles to have to give him up before we have a new T, and I think it isn't fair to me either. He's always been really nice to me and when I first met him and we were going away for 3 weeks, I let him have my fidget spinner to keep for me in a little box on his desk so we would know we were going back to see him after our trip. He's really nice that way.

Ok--sorry for talking so much.

I am glad you got 2 talk 2 the new T. We have a lot of times like you - when someone is out but we don't know until later. Or we just know Someone is there. But dunno who. Or it's a bunch of us together or we just r really mushed.

It is really hard pretending all the time. I wish it was safe n ok to be really who we r, each of us. Even the other adults can't be who they r. It makes some very sad. I don't really mind too much but i am upset that I can't have outside friends. Since they don't know I am there. I do not think it is lying tho. To pretend. It is 2 keep safe I think. It's important but it sucks ):

There r two online people friends of Wolf that knows abt us and they r nice but they r not. Thry r not my friend. They r Wolf's. I want a friend. ): Not that other kids inside with me r not friends. They r. But outside friend is different.

Wolf likes to say we r not broken -- we r hurt. Maybe that helps you too? If you r doing DID wrong so r we -- with not knowing and the blurry stuff. You r not alone. I am glad you get 2 have last times with your old T. I hope the meeting goes good.

We r awake late again. Scared 2 sleep bcuz bad bad bad dreams. Of the scary stuff happening again. What is worse is the brain makes it so it is not even the bad man who did it. It makes it be the fictional game guy we really like!! It's not fair. I think I am also a lil sad bcuz it is late so Wolf's friends r not awake. Even tho they don't talk 2 me it is still nice to have someone talking. I like to read the talking.

I am going 2 try to lie down. Do you do anything special when you cannot sleep? Or r 2 scared 2? Also you did not talk too much -- I like 2 read n I know talking sometimes makes things less hard.

- NB

Ifn I had as many pepels as you I'd get confused sumtimes. We get confused sumtimes anyway coz the last big what was front not quite proper left and is like ghosty ghosty feelin so the next big gets confuseled

I only ever gotted one T I was sad when we moved and couldn't talk to our t no more. Don't be finkin you can't use small words cos Dems is your words. I knows lots of stuff cos I bin 7 for a long time an I like learnin I knows stuff what even grownups don't know some of them but I use smal words for tellin the stuff I know cosn those are my words. We once sawed a test paper person what said she was really impressed with the way we had wroted sumfin (I had wroted it) because all the small words showed her that I had understood it cos I was usin "language relevent to your unique perspective" which ment I wasn't just copyin somefin I had red or heard somewhere I was writing it wif my words cos I understooded it. I like friends I can be your friend NB. I bin runin out of friends cos they all bin disaperin cept Bobby an Oliver

Wolf says DID is confusing by nature and it is ok for it 2 be confusing. It is safe that way. Keeps you safe. I wish it was not so confusing. It's ok 2 be confused tho.

I think us kids here r also wordy like the adults bcuz we r all in one brain... Wolf says this isn't the same 4 every DID but for us we know the words and even when the body was a kid we were really wordy. Outside people n esp ones without DID don't get it usually n they think it means we r lying about DID but. They r wrong and should not be mean abt it.

Thank you -- we can be friends !!! And you 2 Bobby from TGAH if you wanna be. I hope everyone is doing ok ... is ok if you r not ok tho. We got good sleep so we r feeling a lot better today.

- NB