Still doing it

My point was why would you go to the trouble of listing them if it's just "chatter"?

By the way, "chatter" is a very dismissive and insulting word. It assumes that there is no meaning to it.

And as I've said before, the fact that it feels as if you're making it up has no relevance to whether or not it's real. Same as whether it happens when your eyes are closed or open.

I'm not doing very well at not letting myself be drawn back into this. I've hidden your posts, but I still click on them. I'm going to try harder to not comment at all on whatever you say, until/unless you decide that you do have a dissociative disorder and want support.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I'm not doing very well at not letting myself be drawn back into this. I've hidden your posts, but I still click on them. I'm going to try harder to not comment at all on whatever you say, until/unless you decide that you do have a dissociative disorder and want support.

That's why I left it to Sami, to make the decision. He's very good at ignoring. As you can see, I'm still coming back, but I'm feeling peace inside even when I do that and do not click posts open. I come when I see someone else has written in here (like Pixie did and you now). Reading your answer, I'm happy not to click them.

I think, that as long as someone is insisting something, there will be reasons why not. You can't force denial go away from someone else. They need to do it themself. When insisting stops, mind needs to work around it by itself. And that's when real learning can happen. I hope that thought helps you to not click. Big change will not happen in a day or two, so you don't need to actively wait for it and keep checking. I know how some people can press just the right buttons and you just have to proof them wrong.

So, thanks Sami for releasing me, I feel much better already.

I call it chatter because that sounds more like thoughts which is exactly what they are not voices. I dont want to be misleading. I have also erased my names on my signature. On May 1st I start seeing a DID therapist. I am going to give her 3 sessions. If it doesnt start making sense I am abandoning any entertainment in my mind that I may have OSDD or any dissociative disorder and focus on something else because I am becoming unhinged.

Dnester wrote:I call it chatter because that sounds more like thoughts which is exactly what they are not voices. I dont want to be misleading. I have also erased my names on my signature. On May 1st I start seeing a DID therapist. I am going to give her 3 sessions. If it doesnt start making sense I am abandoning any entertainment in my mind that I may have OSDD or any dissociative disorder and focus on something else because I am becoming unhinged.

If I may ask: when you say they aren't voices- does that mean you think you would hear them verbally with your "physical" ears (like how people in the outer world talk)? Or do you mean they just sound exactly like your own thoughts? I'm just curious about that. When we were still hidden- we sounded just like thoughts to our "previous" host. At first- she only figured we were intrusive thoughts.

Yes people with DID describe them as voices within. Different ages, accents etc. Unlike voices on the outside which could be indictive of schizophrenia. Mine are exactly that yes- intrusive thoughts. They have no different accents or sound like different people. They are thoughts. The fact that they dont talk at the same time and dont answer like other people describe makes me think they are medication induced intrusive thoughts. I take my Zoloft at night. I do take frequent naps during the day and I dont have the thoughts then usually. Its always at night after the Zoloft and almost always when I have my eyes closed at night. I have repeatedly asked them (if they are there) to speak to me during the day at it rarely happens. They are a little different than the things I hear right before I fall asleep. I am convinced those are hypnagogic hallucinations now that I have read up about it. The thoughts never make any since. One night it just started counting 10 11 12 13. One night it said go go sleep Timmy. One night it said get your *ss out of trouble. When I tell it to talk to me and let me know what they are talking about I either get nothing or it feels like I am just putting this dialogue in my head.

I also dont understand how people can have OSDD and have parts that do things when they are aware of it.

Dnester wrote:I also dont understand how people can have OSDD and have parts that do things when they are aware of it.

It's called having shared awareness, or being co-conscious. It's well known to happen with many with OSDD/DID. It's not something _I_ have an much (almost none) experience with, but it's not uncommon for people to have parts act and other parts be aware of it. Not EVERY part is 100% segregated and isolated from every other part in every case of OSDD/DID. EVERY CASE IS UNIQUE and has unique sets of conditions in that regard- some have one or two they share awareness with but others they won't, some have a few that have co-conscious awareness while the host might not have any with anyone, some have alters that know a lot about each other and function well despite only certain ones sharing that level of connection.
It just is what it is for each of us.

For me... two of us have co-consciousness (Pixie and Kitten). Pixie is more aware of the others and can "watch" (even if not entirely share awareness) with most, if not all, of us... Me? No awareness of them at all until I am out and realize time passed... Just how it is.

Yeah that doesnt sound like me. The close I come to this is wanting toys then feeling stupid for buying them and never playing with them. I know some adults just like toys. There are plenty of people that have toys as adults. They collect toys.

Dnester wrote:Yeah that doesnt sound like me. The close I come to this is wanting toys then feeling stupid for buying them and never playing with them. I know some adults just like toys. There are plenty of people that have toys as adults. They collect toys.

Again, EVERY case is different... I go through that "wanting this, but feel stupid about it" thing, too.. b/c I am still learning to figure all this out...

So just any specific other case "doesn't sound like me" is 100% MEANINGLESS. NO TWO CASES WILL BE IDENTICAL.

Talk to trained professionals and trust them... work with them... You seem to be trying very very hard to convince yourself it is NOT true- while making a lot of posts that seem to suggest it IS- and didn't you say it was diagnosed even? Maybe it's just strong denial... "thou doth protest too much" perhaps?

I have been diagnosed OSDD about 15 years ago maybe like 11. I cant remember. Im guessing by my daughters age. Then I have a possible diagnosis of Unspecified Dissociative Disorder. I dont take the OSDD diagnosis because that was long ago. She didnt even see me long enough to know and just bases it on a test.