Still doing it

Well I am not sure because I dont know if I was SA. I only remember my father forcely kissing me but I cant remember whst age and my counselor just speculates my mom may have done something. I have a cousin that used go bribe me to play sexual games but she was a year younger than me. I am very rarely around her. So anyway I dont know if I was SA. As far as emotional and mental abusers I am actually getting ready to spend the summer with my stepdad and mom. The littles are nervous. My therapist is supposed to be talking to me about that before she leaves. Probably going to give some advice about how to deal with it.

Forcely kissing is SA. It's not a thing a normal father would do. Relationship between that child and father is disturbed if thing like that is possible. Kids don't get overly triggered by all sexual things without any reason. Also, if you weren't sexually abused, you were mentally abused and it is enough. The disturbed relationship is enough. You can severely traumatize a person without ever touching them. There doesn't have to be anything physical, it's still enough. And the fact you do not remember also needs to have a reason. It just means that you are not that part of personality who holds those memories. That is why it's so important to be loving, supporting, understanding etc. to other parts, because they deal with the bad stuff for you.

You have many trauma diagnoses, therefor you are traumatized. As I told you before, trauma is in the person, it's not an outside event. So what happened is not relevant. You have trauma symptoms, so you are traumatized. It's that simple. You don't ever have to know what happened, as long as all reactions it caused you to have are being treated.

Your mom WAS abusing as well. You did not have loving, supporting mom. She threaten to abandon you because you had symptoms. That is not a normal thing to do. That is disturbed relationship between a child and her mom. And that is enough.

Your trauma is documented, so that is a fact. Denial about if it was severe "enough" is a symptom. When ever that symptom comes to your mind, you can answer to it by the fact "it is documented" every time. You don't need me to repeat it for you. Please don't. Write it down, as suggested, and look at it when denial hits. Look at the lists I made for you when it hits. We've worked for you a lot. Why do you keep asking help if you don't care how we respond? Please answer to this. I don't want apology, I want explanation, I want you to think about why. When you have done that, things make more sense to you too. So Do answer, why do you ask same thing again and again, and don't use answers you have already independently?

You ask a plenty of questions but you never answer to what is asked. Would you please do that, so conversations could have actual communication in them. There is no communication between other users and you at the moment. You are repeating same things and writing your things. We keep answering you, but you don't react a lot to it, if at all many times. Conversations are meant to be about communication. So that I talk to you and you talk to me. They are not meant to be separate comments that don't have that much to do with each other.

We have answered you many times, and we've answered many questions without reaction to them. I'm not up to talking by myself while you are talking by yourself. I'm up to communication. If I answer to you, I hope you answer to me. If there is something you don't want to talk about, just say "I don't wanna talk about that one".

I don't wonder why it feels like you have chatter that just pops up and then communication doesn't continue and it's like talking with yourself. That's how it feels to me to talk with you too. I'm not talking WITH you, because you refuse to do so and actually communicate. Instead I'm talking by myself as a reaction to what you say.

I'm not up to talking by myself anymore. So if you hope I will continue talking, please talk WITH me and communicate, react to what I say too. This is only one way now, so it's not healthy communication, if it's communication at all.

I don't know how much you understand about what we say, because you don't react to it. It feels like you just read it thru but don't pay attention, and continue with your own thoughts, and all that time we used to write an answer was time wasted. If you even read it. We can't tell.

We've done with repeating and writing without answers, when you could respect us and go back reading the answer we gave already again, and ask about what you didn't understand if that's the case.

We're starting to think you may be just another troll.

Sami can make his decision about how to react when he's up to it. It's his field, not mine.

Who told you that SA is the only abuse that "counts"??? Emotional abuse and/or neglect is just as damaging and "counts" just as much as physical or sexual abuse for causing dissociation.

The things you have said about your mother make it clear that she was emotionally abusive. No wonder your littles are "nervous" (are you sure they're not terrified?) about spending the summer with her. That doesn't sound like a healthy situation.

Dnester wrote:Well I am not sure because I dont know if I was SA. I only remember my father forcely kissing me but I cant remember whst age and my counselor just speculates my mom may have done something. I have a cousin that used go bribe me to play sexual games but she was a year younger than me. I am very rarely around her. So anyway I dont know if I was SA. As far as emotional and mental abusers I am actually getting ready to spend the summer with my stepdad and mom. The littles are nervous. My therapist is supposed to be talking to me about that before she leaves. Probably going to give some advice about how to deal with it.

We hope you don't do it.

Floralie wrote:I don't wonder why it feels like you have chatter that just pops up and then communication doesn't continue and it's like talking with yourself. That's how it feels to me to talk with you too. I'm not talking WITH you, because you refuse to do so and actually communicate. Instead I'm talking by myself as a reaction to what you say.

Wow, Floralie. This is exactly right.

Dnester, I hope you think hard about this--you are so stuck on and in your own train of thought that you don't leave any room or opening for other input to get in. No wonder your others don't expect much from you--you shut them out even as you are "trying" to talk to them. Floralie and I have offered you a lot of information, support, and insight, and you repeatedly dismiss it.

I agree with the suggestion to read through all of your posts on here and the responses that you have received. And whenever you have questions, read them again, because the answer is probably there. Just as the answer to how your parts think and feel is inside your own head.

Dnester, I thought about sending you PM, but then decided to say this aloud. I hope it's OK for you. We do it this way, that others can see, so that they can see why, if they pay attention.

We're gonna stop reading your posts for awhile, so we can't see them (and you can't PM us) from now on. It's not your fault, there's a lot going on inside our own system, and we get triggered about things and can't tell if it's justified or not.

We get triggered about you. It's because of our own traumas, that we feel obligated to try to help. But our help doesn't work, and then we need to do it again and again, just like we took care of adults who didn't want to change our whole childhood, and still do to some degree, and that puts us to a place we should not be in, because it's why we are traumatized in the first place. Not because of you, but because of my mom, when we were little. If that wouldn't have happened, it would not trigger us to help out, so it's important to know it's not your fault. It's just that your traumas make you act like my mom did in some things, and we can't deal with it, because it's not adult ones communicating with another adult, but something totally different. We see that same thing in others in here too, so it really is not just about you, and we do believe it's not intentional. It's just different traumas people have triggering each other. Your way of being traumatized is not more wrong than ours. We do believe it's unintentional, and we are sensitive to that in here now because of things that are happening inside our system, and THAT is where we should focus our energy on, not to safe people who don't wanna be saved.

We also realize it's not fair for you, or others that trigger us now unintentionally, that we sometimes help and then suddenly get angry, so we think it's fair for you too, that nobody gets triggered to you because of their own stuff. So that's why we need a break from helping people that triggers trauma in us.

We hope we would learn one day how to GET hep FROM people, but it seems very unlikely to be possible.

We hope you get right kind of help from right kind of T and can improve your life to better.

Floralie wrote:You are talking about psychotic voices. They are way different thing from internal conversation that comes with OSDD/DID. Do NOT comment on things you do not know about.

*mod edit*

Floralie wrote:Do you think you were wrongly diagnosed and do in fact have DID instead of schizophrenia?

I have no diagnosis.

Floralie wrote: That means all the situations when the littles for example have feelings you don't have.

Floralie, I do not understand, please tell me, when you say "the littles", you are talking about one of the personalities of the patient?

I guess I am waiting for someone to tell me this isnt real. I love my mother and hardly ever get to see her and she is getting old.

Malasha wrote:Dnester does not have OSDD/DID. These disorders are characterized by memory disturbances. But she has voices in their classic form and hypnagogic hallucinations. To work out the personalities in her case, it means to go to hard schizophrenia.

You are directly contradicting a diagnosis that was given to her by a professional. And you are very misinformed about DID. It is very common to have internal voices "in their classic form" (whatever that means) as well as many other Schneiderian first-rank symptoms.

Your last sentence makes no sense whatsoever. There is no such thing as "hard" or "soft" schizophrenia, and people with schizophrenia don't have personalities as a symptom.

This is a forum for support--if you need support for the impact of dissociative symptoms in your life or that of a loved one, or information about people with DID to raise awareness or in some way benefit others, you're welcome here. Not for spreading misinformation.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Your last sentence makes no sense whatsoever. There is no such thing as "hard" or "soft" schizophrenia, and people with schizophrenia don't have personalities as a symptom.

I'm not a professional. *mod edit*