Need some help with a new little

I have posted asking your advice and it was given, Thank you

I have another issue with a new alter that resides in my girlfriend and has just come out for the first time about a month and a half ago and from what i can gather from her she is about 4 however she cant talk or possibly, thinks she cant, I really don't know. I have actually heard her laugh out loud just a little so Im thinking she must be able to especially since my girlfriend (Ashley, host, 30) and her only other alter (Amber, protector, 27 ) at this time can but she, the new one (Alyssa, 4) seems to not be able to. This little is a very sad little girl who hides most of the time except for sometimes when Im around and Im able to coax her out of the bathroom or closet or when she needs something like food or drink, seems nice enough but very very sad and I am unable to communicate with her except for playing 20 questions which doesn't get me far and most of the time if she starts to cry or get very emotional she will stop fronting so unfortunately im not getting anywhere with her and i feel bad for her cause she is going through something but I cant tell what that is. the only responses I get from her are either a shake of the head no or a shoulder shrug. once in a blue moon I will get an actual head nod yes. I have tried crayons and paper but all i get is scribble. Im trying to learn sign so maybe i can teach her but thats going very very slow for me to learn. And unlike her alters she can seem to just pop in and out at will whereas Ashley and Amber have to lay down to switch. Which brings me to a whole other set of questions like should I be worried about them driving and such? So far my girlfriend is undiagnosed and has not been to therapy of any kind yet so Im guessing your probably going to tell me thats what she needs but I really want to help this poor baby in the meantime so please if you have some ideas I would love to hear them!!! Thank You.

Maybe she would like to have you read a story to her? My littles like Dr. Seuss (like Fox in Socks, or the one about Solla Sollew) and they love Goodnight Moon.

There is a book especially for littles, called Dear Little Ones that you can buy or listen to the author read on YouTube.

Also, you could try sitting and watching cartoons with her.

And maybe if you go with them to a toy store, she would come out and pick out a stuffie to cuddle with.

Those are just some quick ideas.

Maybe try picture cards since she is so little and cant read yet.

Yes, she needs a T, but if she is emotionally stable, I can understand waiting. You can do a lot to provide comfort, care, and positive experiences. However, trauma processing should be with a T.

It sounds like you are doing well with your attempts. Lou was similar when she came out with only yes and no (shrugs were later). I found out later she was not allowed to talk or ask for what she wants. (It was a BIG DEAL later when she accidentally asked for a glass of water.) Pointing at picture books helped. She was also not allowed to have anything, so she couldn’t take the crayons I tried to give her. We settled on she could borrow them and use them as much as she wanted and if she used them up I would get more of them for her to borrow.

I recommend encouraging her to color (or read books, watch cartoons, etc.) and have fun. Color with her, it will build trust. With trust I expect talking will soon follow.

Don’t be surprised though if you find another. Often littles will have a protector. Lou was quiet both because it was a inside rule and so her protector wouldn’t notice she sneaked out. Respect any protectors. Show them you have good intentions. AJ is Lou’s protector and it took a while for her to warm up to me. There was negotiation, a peace offering (chocolate in exchange for considering letting Lou out to color more), and rules to be followed. Chiefly, Lou could come out to color, but must be supervised by AJ. That has been relaxed now, but I had to prove myself first.

In court it’s innocent until proven guilty. In dissociation, it’s consider him a threat until we’re pretty certain he’s actually okay.

Switching for the others gets easier in time. I haven’t had to catch the body from a switch in a long time now. I worried about driving at first to, but if they’ve gone this long, they probably already have internal rules set up to prevent that. Though I have seen the 9 y/o Emma out while driving, she said she was just there to talk and the Sunflower was the one driving. I don’t fully grasp it, but I accept and roll with it.

Those are very good ideas, Thank you. I need all the pointers I can get!! We will try them and let you know!

Don't push it. Let her come as long or short a time as she wants. You say she cries. So tell her you got special soft Kleenex for her. A soft blanket to wrap in.A stuff animal for her to hold. Remember if she''s 4 yr use kid words not big person words. Really suggest a T. Cuz it takes time build a trusting relationship with T & if she's crying she may have trauma memories. How those are handled when they first come forth can set the stage for further revelations. After they appear, they need to be worked thru.That is indeed work.

Our thoughts based on our system: never judge a book by its cover. No-one just shakes and cries mostly, we know she's present in the body because we start shaking but she's hard as nails. Rose is verbal and argumentative but the weakest and most easily emotionally upset and hurt but she doesn't like to let on so others have to express her upset for her.

And the second thing is from no-one: "when you've been to hell there is no coming back". So we just let her be.

The twins