Dream

I had a dream the other night a man with a blonde mop of hair (none of my alters look like this as far as I know) was standing near my bed and choking me without actually touching me. I woke up and as I opened my eyes I could still see him standing there and I could still feel the choking feeling, like in the dream, and as I woke up properly he faded away and so did the choking feeling. I screamed.

Today an unfamiliar internal voice said "she better be on time today" now I'm wondering if the dream choking guy and the internal mean unknown voice are the same guy and if it's an alter. It's not unusual for me to visit my internal world in dreams. It's unusual for an alter to visit me in dreams but it doesn't mean it's impossible. If its an alter that came forward in the dream then I'm not having luck talking to him atm.

Would appreciate to hear you guys experiences similar to this?

-- Tue Apr 09, 2019 7:46 pm --

Asking who is it wasn't getting me anywhere and I read what I wrote just now and thought if this is an alter in my dream he's clearly pissed about something. So I asked "what am I doing wrong?" He said "You're not following your heart" I thought I was but maybe I'm not then. Would still appreciate you guys experiences of anything similar.

Sorry to hear that. That sounds awful.

In our system....it is possible for my personalities... to show up in my dreams. So it could be possible.

Maybe you could ask them...why they feel you're not following your heart?

I hope things improve for you soon!

First off, I don’t know, but can share SF’s experience thus far.

Sunflower has/had frequent dreams of abuse ever since I’ve known her. As she gained better internal communication, the dreams became more detailed with new info and this/these character(s) then showed up internally. A lot of it turned out to be Lou reliving trauma.

In session with her T she confronted “The Man” who was able to turn into several internal antagonists. He locked up Meg and tried to lock up Alana. SF and Alana went to rescue Meg. Alana rescued Meg while SF fought the man. SF knocked him down. He shattered when he hit the ground into numerous others, anyone who had every mistreated SF. Word from V. is that each trauma should be handled individually and when all are complete, “The Man” will be reassembled.

Lou is much better now as she has processed trauma with the T, but there are still dreams sometimes. Probably related to Dinah and our newest addition J who are 4 & 5 respectively.

Is the man an alter? We (SF, her T, and I) have no idea. Lots of speculation over being a construct versus alter, etc. I suppose we will find out in time.

I have helped several difficult alters. I will help this one if “The Man” is an alter. If he is, he must have been badly hurt. However, so far we have not been able to establish “diplomatic relations” like I have with the others and our T has advised me to leave well enough alone for now.

SOHank wrote:First off, I don’t know, but can share SF’s experience thus far.

Sunflower has/had frequent dreams of abuse ever since I’ve known her. As she gained better internal communication, the dreams became more detailed with new info and this/these character(s) then showed up internally. A lot of it turned out to be Lou reliving trauma.

In session with her T she confronted “The Man” who was able to turn into several internal antagonists. He locked up Meg and tried to lock up Alana. SF and Alana went to rescue Meg. Alana rescued Meg while SF fought the man. SF knocked him down. He shattered when he hit the ground into numerous others, anyone who had every mistreated SF. Word from V. is that each trauma should be handled individually and when all are complete, “The Man” will be reassembled.

Lou is much better now as she has processed trauma with the T, but there are still dreams sometimes. Probably related to Dinah and our newest addition J who are 4 & 5 respectively.

Is the man an alter? We (SF, her T, and I) have no idea. Lots of speculation over being a construct versus alter, etc. I suppose we will find out in time.

I have helped several difficult alters. I will help this one if “The Man” is an alter. If he is, he must have been badly hurt. However, so far we have not been able to establish “diplomatic relations” like I have with the others and our T has advised me to leave well enough alone for now.

Could be a trauma maybe. The guy in the dream didn't look familiar to me but his actions are concurrent with trauma I've experienced more than once. I used to have dreams about actual trauma years ago but my mother told me not to bother her with it because it was inconvenient for her if I woke her up when I was having a panic attack so the dreams stopped as I had nobody else to tell at the time. My screaming annoyed my bf, he was there, because I woke him up obviously so it's pretty much the same thing as my mother saying not to bother her. He's asked me about it since but it's the initial reaction that'll most likely impact me most so I doubt I'll have more dreams like it if it was trauma trying to come out in dreams. If it was an alter then I probably will see him again.

Thanks for pointing out that possibility, it hadn't occurred to me.

-- Tue Apr 09, 2019 9:03 pm --

Ponyta wrote:Sorry to hear that. That sounds awful.

In our system....it is possible for my personalities... to show up in my dreams. So it could be possible.

Maybe you could ask them...why they feel you're not following your heart?

I hope things improve for you soon!

Thanks. I did ask but then I blocked the answer so I probably know the answer somewhere and don't want to hear it. I will ask again though when I feel more receptive to the possible answers. Thanks

I havent had that experience myself but I have had sleep paralysis. So I know things like that can be scary when youre sleeping. So sorry.

That sounds like sleep paralysis to me. I've had sleep paralysis and experienced same kind of stuff countless times. I've never had the choking feeling in them, but that is very common. In sleep paralysis state you can not move. Your brains are awake, but your body is paralyzed. Body is always paralyzed that way when we sleep, otherwise we would do all things we dream about in real life too, so our muscles are paralyzed so we won't hurt ourself. Feeling an evil presence and all hallucinations are common. Sometimes it starts when you are still fully sleeping, but it continues, when your mind wakes up. The suffocating feeling has something to do with paralyzed state, not entirely sure what, because we do breath when we sleep normally. Sleep paralysis is simply a state where your brains wake up before your body. You can google about it more if interested.

Here some examples: Trigger warning for scary supernatural things, also sexual kind in the first one.

Once I slept and my eyes were closed, so I couldn't see how the being looked like, I just felt it's presence and it was very evil, demon-like or something similar, next to my bed and bit above me. It's hard to describe how scary its evilness was, it totally filled the whole room. I lack words to describe the horrifying feeling. Then he put his mouth next to mine and shoved his tongue into my mouth. I woke up, and still felt his tongue in there for awhile before I could move.

Once I was lying on my bed, sleeping. In the dream I was also lying on my bed, so just where I actually was (like always in sleep paralysis!) There was water dropping down from somewhere to my forehead and I felt it and woke up to it. It still continued for a while too, when I was awake already. There was no leakage in the ceiling that it could have been true.

Once I was waking up and felling in sleep again for several times, I tried to wake up totally, but couldn't. I just felt a presence then too. This time it was sitting on my bed with me. I couldn't get my eyes open, but I knew it was reaching it's hand towards me, and it was evil, and I was so scared I thought if I will feel it's touch, I will go crazy, like totally lose it, and not be able to be me ever again. But it didn't touch me, I got myself awake early enough.

Sometimes I have waked up, and there has been these creatures in the room, and once there was two of them next to my bed. They look like people, but they have pig heads. I told this to someone once, and he said those creatures have a name and some people see them. I googled the name he gave to me, but didn't find anything. I googled all kind of things, pig head people, pig head creatures etc, but didn't found them. I was happy I didn't found them, so maybe he said it to scare me more. I also found a site where there were creatures that are common in sleep paralysis, but those weren't there either.

Once I was lying on my back on my bed, in sleep paralysis and couldn't move. I felt the evil presence again. Then I made a mistake and thought it was very hot, too hot and I was sweating. And as I thought about it, my blanked started to move like someone would've pulled it from where my feet were. It kind of slide downwards, not to floor but my feet. I quickly thought NO, it's not too hot, and it stopped. It was partly lucid dream that I was able to control with my thoughts and partly sleep paralysis.

Trigger warning ends.

I could go on and on. I've noticed sleep paralysis are more common when there's stress. And when there's stress, we also have lucid dreams. It comes from Sami I think, because he can have lucid dreams and decide what happens in them, like I do also. But maybe I am in his dream then, or we share it. He's our defender, so if it's stressful he's aware all the time. Also in sleep. But I've realized controlling dreams too much lead into these states between awake and in sleep, and it's not a good thing.

As a teenager I heard or saw somewhere a sentence. "Don't mess with Dr. Dream." I loved the sentence, and didn't even know why, it just "spoke" to me. I agree with it now. Don't mess with Dr. Dream. I don't mean you have done that, it just reminds me about not to control dreams just for fun, because it's not how dreams are supposed to be.

-- Wed Apr 10, 2019 12:37 am --

I know now Don't mess with Dr. Dream is a song. I think it's about drugs, but you can hear it different ways. Here's lyrics for it: (may trigger someone)

Don't mess with doctor dream
Don't mess with doctor dream
Come lay your head down on the stone
So cool and white and welcome home
Oh lose your troubles, ease your pain
Soothe your soul in golden rain
(bridge)
Blue marble seas
I will make you feel so good
Roll over me
Blue marble dreams
Like you always knew you would
Roll over me
(chorus)
Don't mess with doctor dream
Don't mess with doctor dream
He's not one for sympathy
Don't mess with doctor dream
Don't mess with doctor dream
He will bring you to your knees
In the hours before the dawn
You curse the day that you were born
Oh those demons scream in ecstasy
And you crawl around in agony
Doctor jeers and fades away
Yeah this is the price that you must pay
(repeat bridge)
Don't take that take this!
Take this!
He's not one for sympathy
He will bring you to your knees
Oh lose your troubles, ease your pain
This is the price that you must pay
(repeat chorus)
Don't take that take this!

Yeah I didnt see anything but I was awake and couldnt move my body so I started to try to wiggle my hand and it took like 10 to 15 seconds before I could move. Super scary but it is common for people to see things. I have hears many people describe seeing what they call the "hag"

I read the English Wikipedia article about sleep paralysis for the first time now. I think it was good one, it's way better than the one in my language. I learned that what I have is called RISP, and it confirmed what I already found out by myself, that it is way more likely to happen if you sleep on your back. I knew it's how it works for me, but didn't know it's actually like that to all people. Reasons are explained in the article. It's way more likely for me to have nightmares too if I sleep on my back. Lucas can do it tho, and it doesn't affect him like that. He has never had sleep paralysis.

Thanks Floralie. I hadn't thought of it as a type of sleep paralysis either. I had sleep paralysis years ago - literally where I couldn't move and it went on for months. Then my old cat who had died would appear, I'd realise I was still asleep and it stopped after a couple of times of seeing the cat and realising. When it stopped I then started to have flashback type dreams of traumas. My mum told me not to bother her and they stopped. And thinking about it now it probably contributed to the hospital admission I had shortly after that. That was about 16 years ago.

I also had the dark shape hovering over me type dreams. I took that to be "a ghost" because I'd wake up in the morning and my front door would be wide open. I couldn't sleep on my back because if I fell asleep on my back I'd see the dark shape when I opened my eyes. I did a house cleansing and stopped sleeping on my back and it stopped. Which could be more psychological than "it was ghost" That was about 12 years ago.

So I think it could be a different type of sleep paralysis like you're saying. Which is probably brought on by "being in a relationship" although parts don't like it and call him a sociopath he's been pretty supportive of "me" and "my alters" although I prefer to say he's been pretty supportive of me as a whole. And also having started a new job and the guy I work with possibly having DID and I had the horrible revolving door time which lead to me coming here, which lead to me talking more about my issues which is then letting "symptoms" come out which is the best way I can think to put it. If this is sleep paralysis and a prelude to trauma dreams I feel like I could cope with now. I couldn't of coped with it those years ago but I do feel I could cope now. Yes I'd wake up frightened and possibly having a panic attack but I feel strong enough that I could face that now. So I'm not seeing it as negative. Those years ago when I had bad dreams before I ended up in hospital those are hospital times - that can't be coincidence. And both times I took medication to cope / stop the symptoms ie the dreams, the twins delusions, the lack of sleep, the wanting to cut, the feelings of despair. Now I'm stronger. I've learnt to manage the twins, I get "cut thoughts" but I counteract them, I was never much of a cutter and only actually did it 2 or 3 times but the thoughts were really difficult to deal with but now I deal with them quickly and they're not overwhelming, I'm in a pretty good sleep routine, I always make sure I eat properly, I know how to destress and to give myself breaks and not to be hard on myself. So I believe if this dream does lead to flashback panic attack inducing nightmares I will actually be able to manage it and face it now regardless of having a person there who is supportive or not. If it does go that way to nightmares I will of course immediately seek a therapist. Maybe I should look for one just incase. I do want to do it and all the time I feel less and less like something is stopping me from going. Maybe it's the right time to go back to therapy.

Thanks Floralie. What you said was very helpful and encouraging in a possibility to heal kind of way. Thank you.