Sleeping Wolf's Journey Thread

It takes me a while to catch up with the weather too. Sarah

Thanks Sarah, yes it can be a big challenge this time of year!

It's Andromeda writing today...

Just a quick one to say that we are struggling a bit. We had a big stress-flashback-memories time late last week and we're still recovering from that. We're on the mend, but having to do just the minimum, early to bed, super self care, quite boring really...

Our dog has started being way more 'barky' and quite aggressive, and that with the heat, and looking after her a lot last week, resulted in a huge flashback-memory-trigger evening on last Friday...

We're avoiding being with the dog for now, to relax anyways, and we've bought some ear defenders to wear in the house which should arrive soon...

We're also sorting some dog training to calm the dog a bit. She's a 1 year old pup, but something has made her really angry and narky this past two weeks and we're not sure what...

Anyways, thats us for this week. Here's to recovering more and a better space next week.


Andromeda

Hello Andromeda,

We're very sorry to hear about that. We hope things improve for all of you soon.

Thanks Ponyta, very kind of you. Yes, things did improve, thanks!

It's Andromeda typing again...which is nice because I get to receive a message with my name on it..Yay!

Things are going a lot better this week and we have been able to ground, find peace and find balance again...thankfully! It took us 7 days of focus, but we're back to where we were before the issues. Seven days to re-balance, that's pretty good for Us... Very happy with that...! I spoke to a CSA Survivor the other day and they said that a sign of Recovery is that you can 'bounce back' quicker than before, and you don't fall as hard...and that's an encouraging thought... The past week has shown that we do know how to re-balance and we do have good self care, that does actually fully work...! Amazing! For the first time in our lives!!!

I must admit on the first few days we were pretty sceptical... like 'we're going to feel this way forever...' and 'nothing will help or work...', but we stuck with it, and at last we have things that actually work!

We also have had some improvements with our derealisation, not that much, but a little. As a bit of a back story, around 6-7 years ago we lost nearly everything we owned and everyone we knew (all our stuff fitted into the back seats of a Micra, and kept only 2 friends from our life) We've slowly been replacing and re-buying stuff, as well as exploring new stuff too. And exploring who we are and what we like. It kind of struck Us All the other day that we now are starting to see ourselves in our environment. Not like literally! But that our Home really is starting to feel 'ours'. We know what food we all like, and we have it. We know what books, movies, music, tv we like, and we have it all about the house. Our bookshelf doesn't have just 1-2 books on it, but now like 15, 20!!! It just stuck Us All that derealisation could be from just not recognising our environment and feeling alien from it. That is starting to ease and change now, at last...

Well, that will do for this week. Here is to another week of balance and Summer peace...

Andromeda

Just a quick post from Us today...we're in need of rest...!

It's Zelda typing today...

So, we're doing ok, but our 'stress signs' are high and so we're just doing the basics for a while...

Nothing much 'bad' happened, we just had a puppy trainer come to the House yesterday and give us training tips and advice, for around 3-4 hours! It was really great, but so so tiring and took so much energy out of us! We had to work really late afterwards too, so we didn't lose any work hours...

...phew...!

I guess when you have DID, PTSD, CPTSD and such things, then certain activities really do drain you. All the new information to digest too...gulp!

We're doing ok with it, just so so tired...

Ok, sleep time soon...

Apologies that we aren't able to write on other posts and get up to date with you all. We'll be back to rest and health in time for next week for sure...!

Peace, positivity and restful times to all


Zelda

Hey Zelda,

What kind of puppy do you have? We really like dogs--our littles are especially fond of them. And we watch a lot of vet shows on TV.

Interested to hear more.

MDs

Hey MDs, thanks for the message! We have a lurcher pup, about a year old. She has greyhound, staffi, collie and lurcher in her, as they say... She's about 3 feet tall and 3 feet long, but very thin! She's a great dog really, just quite naughty (because we haven't trained her enough)...
Thats so nice that your littles like dogs, great for them. What are your favourite vet shows? And you do have a puppy or dog?

Yanni

-- Tue Jul 21, 2020 7:46 pm --

Ok, so it's Yanni typing today...

Well, things got a bit worse from last week and we ended up really struggling on Friday, having a tough time and going to bed really early. We woke up on Saturday with the onset of a depressive episode, but we're handling it well and on the mend now...

We had a few more arguments with our partner, a few more minor stresses come our way, and them by Friday we were struggling. We reached out for help to our partner, she snapped at us, made a silly comment like 'well you should just go to bed then!', and we dropped what we were doing and literally just went straight to bed.... ah, it wasn't good.

We've talked it all out now and things are better. We can see that when our partner is stressed she becomes controlling and also starts to take herself and her life as the 'only life' in our relationship, and starts to dominate way too much. This squeezes us out, we can't rest, our boundaries fall down, and yea...we don't last long after that...

Really, we're seeing our boundaries are super important. We do know them, we just struggle to keep them. We also really need our rest, we should defend it a lot more. We're understanding that having DID means you can't think/act/do/be as much/fast as a 'single brain'. We just can't do some things our partner does, or think as fast, as far reaching or as complex, as quickly... But we're so used to covering this up, caving under pressure, being embarrassed, trying to be normal...that we struggle to keep to our Truth and what we know is good for us...

Well, a work in progress. We are improving our boundaries, little by little...

Hopefully a calmer and more peaceful week ahead...

Yanni

Hi Yanni and all,

Thanks for telling us about your dog. We had to Google "lurcher."

Our favorite vet show is The Incredible Dr. Pol, but we'll watch just about any vet show.

Our apartment complex doesn't permit pets. That's fine with the older folks in our system, who realize that we don't have the spoons to care for one. If we had a dog, it would probably be a Golden Retriever.

One of our goals is to volunteer at an animal shelter. But we have to achieve more stability in our life first.

Good luck with the boundary work.

MDs

Thanks for the message M.Ds, it's Pastella replying today...hullo!

Ah yes, they are a different kind of dog, not as common I guess. They are big and lanky and a bit silly, like a wonky greyhound. They are a bit silly and crazy, but sleep a lot and are very friendly... kind of like Us...!

Oh wow, that sounds cool. Do you watch animal training shows, or rescue shows? Our partner loves dog training shows, like 'naughty dog' help shows.

Ah, we're sorry to hear you can't have pets... yea, they take a lot of work. We wouldn't be able to care for one if it was just Us. Cats are our limit! Ah, Golden Retrievers are so nice though, like big and lots of yellow/golden hair right!?!

Wow, that would be a really cool thing to do. Like a dog shelter, or cats? I guess you would feed them and play them right? Could you train them? Wow, good luck with the progress, that sounds like an awesome goal!

Ok, so it's Pastella typing today...

Things are quite a lot better than last week, and although we were super tired most of last week, we made it to the weekend and had a nice time. We also talked about boundaries with our Partner and she listened and helped out in a few places...

Our partner is basically very hard to be around when she's got high stress, which because of 'the current situation' , the pups and other things, she's super stressed a lot of the time! She's snappy, no fun to be around, negative, looks to start arguments, puts her emotions on to Us, has a go at Us for little or no reason... But when she's not too stressed, or balanced, we get on great! She's not very good at stress management or relaxation either, and can be one of those people who just buzzes around the place...all the time...!

Anyways, we've (the System) got a few days to ourselves now...bliss...! A big thing with the 'current situation' is neither our Partner or the puppy 'went away' for like 4-5 months! Usually they go off to her Family Home every few months and we (the System) get some peace and quiet for a few days...

We certainly see that we can struggle with having no other 'Home', no 'Family' or friends that we could go and stay with for a few days. No place away from our Partner or the daily stresses... We had thought about staying in a holiday cottage by ourselves every few months, just to unwind and relax, but that costs too much money at the moment, we don't have enough...!

With other things, we're slowly looking to commit more to all the things in our life. Its hard to explain, its not by 'doing' more, but by 'leaning forwards' more... like cycling or skiing, you do far better, have far better control and ability if you lean forwards, really commit and get into it. We're like on the bike, or skiing on the slope, but kind of leaning back, going 'ahhhhhh'...but not stopping, and kind of moving along... it would be so cool to just say 'yea, this is me/us and we love it, woooooo...!'.... Well, maybe we have to work on it slowly... But yea, this is a focus for us right now...



Ok, that will do for my review of the week.

Pastella