Sleeping Wolf's Journey Thread

Wow... its been a while since we wrote on here...

It's Lucy writing today...

Well, I guess our therapy course happened...!

We made it to the end! It finished officially and fully, with all the last bits and bobs, last week... and so we're now officially 'back to normal life' Although, things aren't so normal in the 'Outer World' right now...

It's been a really tough and intense 6 months... wow... and we can't even remember what life was like before! So much has changed for Us, in some big and small ways... there's almost too much to really grasp or say or zone in on...

We certainly under-estimated how much time and energy it would take...and thats why we haven't been on here for so long...as we just didn't have the energy after our studies and therapy and group stuff. We were all like 'yea, lets paint pictures, do our own research, go on the forums...!' .... no.... some weeks we could barely make it to do all the meetings, certainly not anything more!

I guess it being over, its really weird, and not sunk in yet really... but we do have some more time, and more energies already...

I guess as well, we don't yet know what our 'new norm' is... like, when you're in intensive therapy, you're purposefully looking at trauma, purposefully digging deep, doing real hard work...and so you feel tired and like crap most of the time...but what are we like now without doing that...?!? We don't know... Hopefully a lot better than before, but who knows? We'll see in the next few months...

I guess one major thing we've learnt, and we have realised and brought into our lives, is a HUGE RESPECT for DID and what it is, how we work, how we function... like wow... its a real life saver, it really really has helped Us to survive, and hopefully thrive!
Before this course we always fought against how we were. We weren't anti-DID, but we resented how our brain worked, the restrictions it gave Us, how we couldn't do certain things... We just don't feel that way anymore. We are in awe at what we've done, what we've all done, created, achieved and sacrificed to be here, as we are now. Yea, a BIG RESPECT to Us.

We also want to create a future and a life that SUITS DID, and is actually built for Us to do well in. Before, we would aim to do 'normal' single-personality stuff and we'd fail or fall apart...but not any more! We are now all fully on board to creating a life and a future that we can do well, and feel good about! We don't know what that is yet, but we're up for it...!

Yea, super proud. And feeling good today. Feeling proud and happy. Go Us!

Sorry if it's wrong to post on your personal thread, but thank you for the PM Lucy ! I can't reply to you that way because my account is so new so as soon as I've posted enough to unlock sending PMs look out for something from me! Hope your journey hasn't been too hard and am glad that therapy has worked well for you

Much love, Luna

Hey Luna!

Thanks for the reply, no worries! We'll look out for the message when it comes through... No rush though, things happen, its cool...

Thanks for the nice message too!


Gothika

Hi sleepingwolf,

You have not only reminded me but inspired me. When you said "you're going to create a life around the DID"

I accidentally did that after I was therapy. I was aiming at "normal" but before I got to "normal" I was working for myself cleaning for people - I loved it, I was good at it and I was working for myself entertaining at children's birthday parties again I was really good at it and had alot of repeat business, I was going to college studying mechanics and then working one day a week in a garage. I was occupied 6 days a week with different things but also managed to be home for my 4 children alot because I of it being self employed so I fitted it around school.

I got a full time job as a mechanic but I wasn't thriving. I was thriving when I was doing lots of different things at once because different things suited different parts. I quit that job and took a part time job but I'd been holding back, beating myself up about it all. I need to let that go and realise if I want to do all different things at once and that makes me happy, feel more fulfilled then that's what I need to do.

I keep procrastinating making a new life, I'm writing books which would cover the studying side I like because it takes research and checking info I'm putting in. I can keep my part time job which I love, do one day in a garage and if I feel like it do cleans or parties now and again. There is nothing to stop me apart from my own feelings of "that's not a normal life"

So thanks, you inspired me.

Sarandipity,

Thanks so much for the comments and your story, wow that is so cool! It was so nice for Us to read and learn about what it would be like for you...thanks so much!

We totally relate to all those feelings, and challenges, but like you said, it really is just 'in our heads'. That sounds like a really awesome set-up you all could have. And a lot of interest and variety too! Go for it!

We think that sometimes the multi-job or multi-hobby or whatever it is...is often seen and shown as someone who is a 'quitter' or 'not yet decided' or somehow an 'under achiever'. But, this is total s*%t! And for a System too... its like perfect!

We've got a way to go to feel comfortable and confident in it, but we know its what we want to do. Job wise, probably around 4-5 part time jobs, with 2-3 main ones, and just be at a nice, fun, interesting level at them all!


Gothika (typing) and All of Us too

Ok, so...our past week and stuff...

It's Gothika typing today...

Well, I guess we're trying to settle into a few new routines and new ideas we're trying out, which are all from new changes we wanted. We've been trying to see this as a 'New time', even with all the 'Virus' stuff which has made any change kind of hard... But we've made some good steps.

One has been working on our 'this decade' and 'this lifetime' goals. This is a goal for all of Us (who want to) to complete it this Spring-Summer Season. We realised that we've never really thought about it, not properly anyways. And any ideas we've had are quite 'daydreamy' or require us to be 'singletons' or have a life or lifestyle we just can't live. So yea, these next few months we want to decide stuff about our lives, from a perspective of what we actually can achieve, with having DID and living in a healthy way.

We've noticed that living with 12 Hosts, and over 500 personalities, 10 years is really not a long time! And a lot of goals we thought we could do in 1-2 years, nah, more like 10+ And any goals for 10 years, more like our lifetime!

Thats been a real challenge for Us, deciding what to 'stick to'. Like, if things are going to take a long time to make/build/learn/practice, then we really need to love it and be dedicated to it, for like at least ten years!

We're getting there, but its making some hard choices time!

Overall though, doing ok, keeping rested, healthy and as balanced as we can. Having some fun too


Gothika

We did a course about dreams and goal setting. The course was weeks and weeks long but the long and the short of it was make a dream board and put stuff on it you want to do that year. We put: go to the south of France, own a burger van and learn a language. We went to the south of France, started a language but didn't do it long and we didn't buy a burger van. But we only look at wow we did do one of them. And it's ok to reshuffle.

With a dream board you cut pictures out of a magazine and stick them on it. So you could, we didn't because it had to be seen by other people on the course so we focused ours, but you get a board and let everyone stick pictures on it of whatever they want and then sift through the pictures.

Making a dream into a goal it has to be manageable. So like the language, not really but we pick it up.and put it down every now again, like you say what would take a person 1 year takes alot longer because of body time and who wants to do it. It was nice to achieve one thing so make our one definitely achievable thing simple like go to a particular theme park or try an activity once, then we achieved it.

Our book writing was getting too overwhelming so we decided just write one chapter of each book and we're nearly finished. When it was "write all.7 books" it was too much.

Having small manageable goals is great and you can look back and say "yeah we did this"

Feel excited for you Really cool what you're doing

Thanks Sarandipity, that sounds like a really awesome course. Was that online or at a College or something? That Dreamboard idea sounds really good too...we'll definitely think on that...

Thanks for the advice, very very much appreciated!

So, it's Melden posting today... 'hullo!'

Hmm, the past week...

Well, it's been pretty good really, staying as active as possible, feeling fresh and positive, thats a really good sign. We're also 'settling down' into our new routines, and of living in this 'lockdown' thing, and its going really ok, which is quite a surprise to Us...! We're like '...erm, when will it turn bad?!' . I think after 7 months of intensive therapy, we had forgotten what 'normal living' was like, or would even be like now...

We've started re-reading our course book, and we'll be doing that for the next 6 months or so. We've made a bit of (hopefully) regular Personal Therapy time each week, and we wanted to go over everything and see what we might want to do next...

This is what we got from our first re-read...

I guess we see now how Healing, Self care and Recovery are a big deal, like a big deal...and they require a lot of time, for Us, and daily time too. We can also see they need to be at the very centre of our lives, not something we do 'extra'. We've been pretty good at it for quite a few years, but we still saw it kind of like a 'hobby', or something extra... I guess now we see it as a Way of Life. For Us, its all encompassing. Its a big deal.

I think we've tried to minimise or avoid certain things and parts for a while. That is our way of coping I think, saying 'yea, whatever...'. Or we would do some Self Help or Recovery stuff, but more with a hobby vibe, or more like someone who didn't have any issues. I guess its a big change, and one with sadness and emotions, to accept Healing and Recovery as a vital role in our lives, and because of trauma we experienced. It's not for 'health', or to feel good, we have to live this way because of what we've experienced in our lives. That was very tough to take. And if we want to live a long time, which we do, then we have to live to quite a high level, and take it really seriously, otherwise the body just won't last...

But we're on board now, and man that does feel good. And as soon as we are, its not as depressing, and you can actually make Healing and Recovery as nice, fun and relaxing as possible. As long as it still is proper Healing and Recovery!

We are much, much more living 'one day at a time', and really taking our health seriously now. Its become much more important, much more real. It's scary, but also more grounding, and more loving, and we feel a bit less dissociated, which is surprising...

But yea, a big change from Us 9 months ago. It's early days but its going well...



Melden

We just wanted to write that we are taking a short break from online stuff for a few weeks, not too long but until we feel fully comfortable and better again.

We're all ok, just need to create a real nice positive space at the moment.

We wrote this for ourselves really!

To all our friends out there, wishing you all well and hope things are positive for you All!



Pastella