Relaxation and somatization

Hello, my name is Sarah. I am 9 years old.
I am really concerned that we are really bad and that the T lady knows this now.
And she will force us to go through things and we won't be able to tell her to stop.
If this is healing, I think we should die.

I saw all of the parents yesterday and they are a lot like the Ts.
They say they are proud of us, they inspect the list of grades, they make small talk and call me "darling". They looked for things to buy for us and they smile when they see us. They say I should be a researcher and they ask what is keeping me from making a decision.

They are very, very normal.
At times.

It is too similar.
I earned their approval, but it was not given freely and it is not approval for who I am - but for what I do.

Deep down, I'm really bad. And all that matters is keeping quiet about that.
Quiet about everything.

TW abuse memory and shame ----------

The relaxation exercises gave my brother a flashback.
In therapy.
But the T would never know.
She said just follow my voice.
But he heard a different voice. An abuser telling him that he is good.
In the lion's den.
With a body that just refused to move or run away.
Like being in trance. Everything was blurry.

Just trust me - the T said and the abuser said.
But they don't know, because I'm quiet.
They are really hurting, even when they think they do right.

------------- End TW

From Sarah and with help from Fox

Dear Sarah,
I think Ts are different from parents. Maybe we can look at what's different together?
1. they have a different profession
2. they have different responsibilities in caring for us. A parent is supposed to support you even in the middle of the night, give you a birthday present, hug you, and they sometimes cook for you. A T is someone who will help you fix things in your life. It's not like they will do that directly, but they give you some directions, or ask the right questions. Ts stay only for a while, so it's important to trust and turn to us inside more than to a T. You know that the parents can't be counted on.

You can probably come up with more things that are different.

Even if parents are able to seem normal, it doesn't mean that they really are.

I don't believe that you are bad. I know you want to keep quiet about everything, and you can if you want to - but you don't have to. You can write or draw about whatever you want in the journal. Or maybe you could play about it.

I think you don't have to trust the T yet, but it's still a different situation.
The T is trying to help, we'll just need to work on showing her how she could help.

I'm giving you a big hug!