How we view our system

From the twins, we are going to be candid (just a warning, we don't know if this is a trigger or not - talking candidly)

We are very aware we are most likely slightly psychopathic / sociopathic or whatever pathological label you would like to assign us.

We view our other parts like pawns but are also aware we are part of a system, a team, a collective. The good news is that as children we realised making dumb idiots (outside people) feel good despite their own ridiculous weaknesses and emotional hang ups was much more challenging and therefore far more of a buzz than making them do destructive stuff and temporarily ruining their lives. We also realised messing up other pathological people was a massive kick especially because of our collective and them being completely unaware of who or what they were dealing with they didn't see us coming.

So through late childhood and teenage years all our parts basically did what they wanted - which was chaos and we love chaos - an emotional roller-coaster, and a constant emotional high. We also learnt, because our parts have feelings that run deep, varied emotions are good to feel. Accept jealousy, that we viewed as pure weakness but we're seeing some benefits to it in small test situations.

Occasional run ins with other pathological people were our fun times and we have crossed a few which doesn't matter because we terrify them - like they think some emotionally weak idiot has f'd them up and they can't understand how so some of them literally run if they see us.

Then after an upset we began to see the upside of living a "normal" life. This of course is a huge challenge. We conquered that, it's possible. Basic recipe is get each part relevant help and get them working together like a unit and they all pretty much get in line and accept the mundaneness of "normal" life as long as their basic needs are met.

Anyway we view them like pawns but they're our pawns. We prefer to be subconscious. We can experience and enjoy their feelings and reactions to life in a subconscious state. In a conscious state we're just spectators, no connection to their feelings, which is far less satisfying. But the idiots want us consciously around so we're trying it although we think they're completely misguided.

Anyway we're bored so we're going to take them up the hell steps which will trigger memories we left there. Us and Mandy were present the day of the memory dump so the others didn't even know about it till last week. Don't know what will happen, don't care but it's better than this BS. We're so God damn bored.

We're kind of writing this to say let us go back to sleep already. We can't escape them waking us up since a few months ago when they remembered we were there. They think WE'RE useful, which is joke. We're what hides, what people run from, what needs to stay in the shadows, we're the subconscious desires people's weakness, the shadow - to put a dull psychological term on it. But they won't listen, won't let us alone so hell steps it is. And when everything we helped to build comes crashing down around them these stupid pawns can't say we didn't warn them.

Also to ourselves: read our 700 page transcript you lazy b's. I swear they're a bunch of delinquent vagabonds who can't see the woods for the tree's unless some other delinquent vagabond is metaphorically shooting at them. I know it's like they wander around half asleep get upset when they stub their toe but stab them in the leg with a fork and it's business as usual. Well you know they are traumatised so what do you expect. I don't know, some kind of gaining in awareness. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. You can drown it. Lol. I don't think drowning ourselves is a sensible option. We're basically drowning ourselves walking up the hell steps. Yeah but that's emotional drowning not physical. What else is there to do. Nothing, you're right, still it's possibly - ya know. I know how everyone felt that day. What else to do. The agitation is really getting to me. How do people do this every day, their whole lives, mundane. F'd if I know. I think it's the real emotions. The real connections. It's what makes life, I agree. So. So our vagabonds don't get it, still. We can't do that. They can. We won't wake up magically giving a God damn. We will always seek a thrilling. Because we have a void. We ought to meditate. You know we won't do that. You know it's the only viable possible solution. Calm. What you doing. Releasing the canbaboids. Lol you know that's not a scientific term. I know but do you. This has kind of been fun. I know, like when we let them chat like this lol. Ha they just argued. Idiots. Well it helped us work out what to do with them. That's true. Do you think they'll work out what to do with us. No. 1. They're dumb 2. Learned people don't know what to do. 3. They're lazy. I kno right they can't even be arsed to read the transcript we intriguingly led them to. They f'in fell for "they're trying to distract you. Focus on daily life" off some stranger. They piss me off so bad sometimes. Shame we're stuck with them. Or not. Probably be worse without them. Probably prison or dead, I ran the numbers. I know, what you saying that for. I was f'in there. I dunno I feel like we're in a fish bowl. Lol do you remember the fish bowl. Ha we believed our own BS so much we got ill. Yea, gotta watch that. I kno especially with the idiots. We should probably stop calling them the idiots. Probably. I feel a...lol I'm lieing. Ha I know, I dunno what you was doing that for. It's the fish bowl effect. That's a definite f'in thing, I'm telling you. Yea. The fish bowl effect. Now it's making me want to explain it for the sake of idiots. F idiots. We was having a God damn conversation.