I dunno why I wanna tell this. I just wanna trow up all stuff away from my mind. Our mind. With us I DONT mean --> the one who has that name or that system. I mean us who live inside my body, that is 14 years old and boy.
I'm too broken. I've searched for help for so long, but there's nothing no one can do. I don't want it to be true, but it is. I have way too much prblems, I don't do well. I, or someone, tried to make a thread in here to ask things about about everyday problems and we're happy you tried to help and answer, but we have the ame thing with everything. You can tell us no or yes, and it doesn't matter, because anyway someone is gonna get triggered by that and it's too much to handle. Someone is always triggered because how things are, and if we change it, being triggered doesn't go away, it just changes who's the one feeling bad. But it leaks all over the system all the time, and I can't handle everyday life anymore.
They --> who have that name, tried to get us outside help, but I can't deal with it. I'd need to admit I'm not me but part of someone elses system and I need to be willing to work wit that system to get help. I can't. I can't even survive from normal things, I can not deal with not being a person. It's way too much. I can't come out to get help. I tried and practiced, but it's too much. I don't want to, I wanna be me. I hoped help for me, and maybe it's selfish, but I can't work to get someone else's system to work better, when my own system doesn't work.
I'd need help for me. I can't get it from outside outside where I'm not me anymore. I'd need to get it where I am, but it can not be delivered to my world.
This all is too much. Way too much. I'm switching all the time and dunno who I am and what do we think because it doesn't stop from changing all the time.
I know they try, but they can never see me as who I am. I know I will be treated well and like they do believe, but I know it's not true. They see me part of someone else, and that I am just a symptom that proofs that the true body and the real reality didn't become true to me, and that's why I think I am with wrong age and gender and all that. I can't survive with knowing all that and knowing that's how they see me. I wanna stay what thy call inside. It is my outside and I have my own inside. It means I can't have help and I'm not gonna get better, but I choose that rather than try to forget who I've been. I can never have life in their outside anyway.
#Fourteen