Hello from a new/old raven

Hi, I am Rhea.

I'm a new, but also not so new part of this Muninn-Complex o.O

I "woke up" like a week ago, from a life I believed to be continuous, but apparently the last few years of it were only going on in my head and not in the outer world... That's a bit shocking, so to speak.

The time before I disappeared was actually real and I apparently carry some memories that the current "mes" don't have from these time. They have a memory gap for about 10 years.

I learned now, that I probably was a so called "host" in this 10 years, then I suddenly disappeared. In my mind I apparently continued doing what I loved to do (painting, creating illustrations) for what I experienced as like one year maybe. Sadly all the stuff I created since then, does not actually exist out here

I kind of knew back then, that I was not the only one in this body, but I tried to ignore it in order to create a stable "mono life". In retrospective that probably was not a great idea, since everything became quite a mess after suppressed parts tried to forcefully grab a part of life back then, heavy depression set on and everything went downhills.
I did not disappear by some sort of conscious decision. It might have happened because in my private inner world, which only did belong to me alone, everything still was alright :/

The new host that emerged after I was gone, seemed to have overcome the chaos by just leaving everything behind, moving in an other country and starting a completely new life (name change and new gender included...)... And by working as hard as he could, he succeeded in ignoring the others as I did.

And now... everything is falling apart AGAIN.

I don't know why I suddenly woke up. I am apparently not the best one to stabilize everything in a good manner. I also don't know if I will stay or if this is just a short "visit". But I guess it will be hard to just go back in my nice inner illusion world, after knowing that it is not real after all.

I'm glad that this forum here exists at least, and that it seems to have a nice community here. That's why I'm saying hello now. But apart from that I feel quite terribly right now and I am still trying to grasp everything that is going on

-Rhea

Hi Rhea,

Welcome to the forum. Maybe you're back because things are kind of like they were before. Just a thought.

Good luck,

Iain

Hi Rhea, and welcome to the forum. I've read your message multiple times, and want to say just something, although I don't have really words to say anything. So I just send this message so you know I heard you, although I can't really help any other way, than just by being here. I don't know if it helps.

HI,

Thanks for your Welcom, Iain. Maybe it is because things are like before, but at the same time it is quite different now. We are far away from the difficult relationship back then, and far away from the family which was not in all matters healthy. Maybe I am actually in a position I could see things different or even achieve new things.
But I also try not to be too optimistic. I guess that is dangerous and disappointment could lead to stuff falling even more apart.

Thanks also to you, Floralie. I appreciate of you being here and dropping an line to welcome me. It doesn't have to be a lot of words to be meaningful and to make others feel better and that is what your words did

-Rhea