New and feeling defeated

I recently got diagnosed with DID and I am overwhelmed. There are 5 of us currently. I am the main one. All 4 of my alters work along side me as a team. They don't do a whole bunch without me knowing, and if they do, they figure out a way to tell me the information. For example, they'll hide messages in songs, notes, and stories for me to find later.


However, we started to split a part recently due to two reasons.


1: They don't like my girlfriend. They think she is mean. Yes, my girlfriend knows about them. No she has no idea how to get them to like her. She isn't mean. She has just a couple mean things. However, because of my abuse, it's hard to convince the other personalities otherwise.


2. No one can agree on a job we're good at. That and one of them is 4 years old. No one can figure out what the 4 year old can do without getting us all fired. Or putting us into a position where we need to quit (which has happened a lot).


-Some are okay at math.

-Some aren't

-Some like talking to people

-Some don't

-Some want to drive

-Some hate driving

-Some like animals

-Some hate animals

-etc

-etc

-etc


I just started therapy for DID and I am severely depressed. A part of me is relieved. I knew i had DID. I was just in denial. Another part of me doesn't know what to do.


My mom is my main caretaker, but she is also my abuser. Every time I try and combat her and be independent, the 4 year old me becomes dominate. This is automatic, and the poor 4 year old can barely defend my mom off. It's not the kind of abuse that warrants my parent's arrest. either.


I'm not sure what to do. I came on here just to feel less alone.

Hello JanetSmith, welcome to the forum.

That sounds really rough about the living situation. If you've just been diagnosed, are you in therapy? Does your T know that your situation is not safe?

For the job, perhaps you can find something that works for some of you, and the others sit it out and don't interfere? I'm thinking especially of the 4yo.

Like in our system, there's a few of us who're capable of doing our job, but most aren't, or won't. So those ones wouldn't be showing up for work since they can't or won't do it. Especially the littles.

Arin

We're glad you wrote. We are going through the beginning stages of having been Dx with DID. We don't even know how many of us there are...LOL. We're a mess and am in a not-so-good living situation as well. We feel as if our mom hates us. She never has anything positive to say about us. We are severely depressed and don't know what to do. The oldest is 43 years old though and we live with my parents. We've been in a bad situation for several years and ended up having to move back in with our parents. Mom is impossible. She makes me wanna die. AND, NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO ATTEMPT SUICIDE OR ANYTHING FOR FEAR OF FAILURE. WE JUST WANT GOD TO COME BACK AND RESCUE US FROM THIS HELL ON EARTH.

Sorry, we had to vent and wanted to let you know you are not alone in your feelings/situations.

Us

JanetSmith wrote:I recently got diagnosed with DID and I am overwhelmed. There are 5 of us currently. I am the main one. All 4 of my alters work along side me as a team. They don't do a whole bunch without me knowing, and if they do, they figure out a way to tell me the information. For example, they'll hide messages in songs, notes, and stories for me to find later.


However, we started to split a part recently due to two reasons.


1: They don't like my girlfriend. They think she is mean. Yes, my girlfriend knows about them. No she has no idea how to get them to like her. She isn't mean. She has just a couple mean things. However, because of my abuse, it's hard to convince the other personalities otherwise.


2. No one can agree on a job we're good at. That and one of them is 4 years old. No one can figure out what the 4 year old can do without getting us all fired. Or putting us into a position where we need to quit (which has happened a lot).


-Some are okay at math.

-Some aren't

-Some like talking to people

-Some don't

-Some want to drive

-Some hate driving

-Some like animals

-Some hate animals

-etc

-etc

-etc


I just started therapy for DID and I am severely depressed. A part of me is relieved. I knew i had DID. I was just in denial. Another part of me doesn't know what to do.


My mom is my main caretaker, but she is also my abuser. Every time I try and combat her and be independent, the 4 year old me becomes dominate. This is automatic, and the poor 4 year old can barely defend my mom off. It's not the kind of abuse that warrants my parent's arrest. either.


I'm not sure what to do. I came on here just to feel less alone.

Hi JanetSmith,

Welcome to the forum. I hope being here helps you feel less alone. I agree with what Arin said. It's important to make sure you are in a safe situation. Dissociation is a survival mechanism for chronic overwhelming abuse. If your system is still in the situation that caused the dissociation in the first place, that makes things very difficult.

Has your girlfriend apologized for whatever she did that the others think was mean? That might help. I don't really have much advice though. I've been married for 30 years, and there are some parts that don't like my husband at all.

We have a part-time job. There is one of us who mainly does it, but others are usually watching, and some of them help a bit. The younger ones either watch or do something else inside. You don't need to have a job that everyone likes, and especially don't need to have a job that everyone can do. The 4 year old can just watch or play quietly inside with the promise of something that they get to do later.

--the Gang

Hello and welcome to the forums!


Sorry... I don't really have anything more to add. I just wanted to say I agree with the others.....and I wanted to welcome all of you to the forum.

I get in "two minds" about most things too.

Therapy helped me with my mother issues. Wishing it helps you too.

As for jobs: it's ok to be doing different jobs. I at one point was running two small businesses and had a part time job. I felt bad about it because I thought it was "odd" but then I was telling a lady about it and she said "oh you have a portfolio career" and then I felt good about it.

My four year old can do some stuff, cleaning being one of them. As long as the four year old is only out at reasonably appropriate times then work is ok.

You've just started therapy so fingers crossed that helps you work out how you can build a fulfilling life with the Dissociative Identities.

Much luck

What has already been said, we will echo. Being safe is very important for you, ABOVE all else. That is what we think, we hope your situation improves.

Joker & Jester