DID and how OCD implants denial

Hey, I'm new to posting on this forum but have been around for a couple of years reading posts here and there. Its been able to help me note things that pertain to myself and understand myself better so thank you.

I've been seeing a therapist for the past 6-8 months or so now, thankfully one that's a DID specialist and one thats helped significantly with a lot of things. I'm in my early twenties but when I was much younger I first got diagnosed with OCD. I can't remember specifics of the diagnostic process because I wasnt the one 'out' at the time, but, it's proven extremely difficult for me to get a handle on my denial of having seperate identities. this also plauged my other selves. Some of us were constantly obsessing about our existance as multiple the moment we became self aware and DID was pointed out to us as a problem we might have by others. The difference between 'intrusive thoughts' and 'voices'. Intrusive thoughts being so repetitive that they start degrading your memory and you cant tell what was real information or information that you formed to believe to be real.

We constantly had thoughts, worries and beliefs like this and that it isnt real hovering over our head and I still deal with them. I have grown significantly stronger but still have a hard time opening up to my therapist, doing any inner group work, and just talking about my other parts in general because I tend to push things away and am actually quite embarrassed about it. I almost feel guilty having the opportunity to see a genuinely good specialist and having to take this long to get anywhere, and not feeling like i am getting anywhere sometimes.

I think a lot of my problem too is that I have been out as an alter for a long long while without any huge switches. I guess... my therapist has seen my alters come in for appointments but scarcely and only when something happened to me. When one of us goes a long time without any signals it's easy to start worrying and feeling isolated.

This was more of a rant in the end but if you give any feedback on this thanks so much and I'll try my best to reply

Hello, I just wanted to say I can relate to what you are saying.

I believe I might have OCD too.....but I was never diagnosed. Before I found out about the others I used to struggle with horrible "intrusive thoughts". They were so bad I thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't understand why that horrible stuff was popping in my mind. It seemed the more I would fight it.....the worse it would get. Thankfully....since I found out about the others....and my inner communication has improved.... I don't experience it that bad anymore.

I still struggle with horrible denial at times though.....despite the evidence. We also have a hard time opening up to our therapist.....due to our trust issues. Anyway....we hope things improve for you soon!

machines wrote:I've been seeing a therapist for the past 6-8 months or so now, thankfully one that's a DID specialist and one thats helped significantly with a lot of things...

...I have grown significantly stronger but still have a hard time opening up to my therapist, doing any inner group work, and just talking about my other parts in general because I tend to push things away and am actually quite embarrassed about it. I almost feel guilty having the opportunity to see a genuinely good specialist and having to take this long to get anywhere, and not feeling like i am getting anywhere sometimes.

Welcome to the forum!

You are at the very beginning of treatment, and I'm pretty sure your therapist will confirm this and reassure you that you are making the right amount of progress for you. Have you let them know about this feeling you have?

An important part of the first phase is about developing a solid trusting relationship with the therapist, so you may want to talk with them about your difficulty "opening up," whatever that means to you, so the two of you can explore that.

Just about everyone with DID deals with a lot of denial. It's not uncommon for communication from parts to feel like intrusive thoughts, and they can be very repetitive, especially if you're not listening to them. Younger parts, particularly, tend to repeat the same thing over and over. It's still an effort for me to make the connection that a random thought that I'm having is actually coming from a part who is trying to communicate with me.