Need an opinion

Hi it's Karen.

I can see that Beth or Sarah, she was originally Sarah but took the name Beth for fairness sake plus she preferred that name wrote a thread "background people running things" I can see its her because she over thinks and gets worried easily.

I need opinions on whether or not I should respond to her?

When we were writing between ourselves before on paper in a book it became an "issue" it caused friction and delayed arguments. I want to avoid that. I wanted to tell her she's worried over basically nothing because I know the twins very well. She'll probably read this at somepoint anyway but I don't want to get in a conversation with her about it. I feel like it might be better to let her work it out or work through her concerns without saying something but at the same time I feel like I want to reassure her. She's deep inside at the moment, to bring her forward would cause disruption and our flow is only just starting to settle down into a relaxed happy flow where life is easier so I'd rather avoid disruption of that.

I just don't know whether to say something to her here. If she'll find it nice and helpful to come to or if it'll make her worse.

Probably difficult for anyone to say because of not really knowing her on a deep level and she doesn't label her stuff, none of us like to do that, but I was hoping someone might have a perspective I might find helpful.

Many Thanks, Karen

It depends on how you mean to approach it, but generally it's never kind to tell someone they are experiencing a feeling for no reason. There's a chance of coming off as dismissive. You could offer to be available to talk to, to ask questions of and to provide insight. Then she could decide whether or not she wants your input. Not knowing her, I couldn't guess at whether that much would be well-received, but it would at least give her more space to have her feelings.

-B'i

Trying to create connection is always good. Just think the way you say things. She was really worried, that is important. You don't have to go there to tell her that her feeling was false, and you know this thing better and have the right opinion, you know? You can feel for her, feel for her being upset, understand the feeling and RESPECT it. You can still tell that is not how you felt about it, in your opinion you (all) are safe, and explain why you are not worried about the twins. You don't feel there is danger. There are no right or wrong feelings about what happens, it's not wrong to get upset or worried, and about the actual subject you don't have to agree. You can leave it like that, you know she is worried, she knows you aren't, but you can feel for her because she is not feeling well.

Even if you don't agree on something, you can still be there for her to support her with the feeling. That's respectful. Also, I don't think you need to bring her out to discuss about it when it is suitable for you. You can leave a message and she can read it when she's around the next time. You don't have to do your communication publicly tho, you can also leave a message privately to her.

Communication doesn't mean agreeing, it means all are allowed to tell how they feel, all are allowed to have opinions, and no one will put them down for it. If she feels bad for you writing to her, ask her what does she want from you. Not the angry way, but to learn. When all parts have different roles in the system, they are supposed to see different sides of the things that are happening. Putting them all together is your system opinion on something.

When you talk about others behind their backs, you need to be sure, that when the one you are talking about to us, is gonna read what you told, they are not gonna feel bad for the things you told about them to us. She is an insider to your system, we all are outsiders. I do know you are just asking an opinion, and after getting one you are gonna decide if it sounds right to you, and not just blindly believe anything we tell here, I ask peoples point of views too, but still make my own decisions and am responsible for them. And you can talk about others, when you know it's OK for them and they won't find it offensive. So at least tell her yourself you asked about this in here, because you have had troubles to communicate in the past and you really didn't know what to do. I think that's fair thing to do.

That is the reasoning I did based on how would I feel if I was her. But I'm not, and therefor I can't know the answers. You know her better than I do.

Sarandipity wrote:Hi it's Karen.

I can see that Beth or Sarah, she was originally Sarah but took the name Beth for fairness sake plus she preferred that name wrote a thread "background people running things" I can see its her because she over thinks and gets worried easily.

I need opinions on whether or not I should respond to her?

When we were writing between ourselves before on paper in a book it became an "issue" it caused friction and delayed arguments. I want to avoid that. I wanted to tell her she's worried over basically nothing because I know the twins very well. She'll probably read this at somepoint anyway but I don't want to get in a conversation with her about it. I feel like it might be better to let her work it out or work through her concerns without saying something but at the same time I feel like I want to reassure her. She's deep inside at the moment, to bring her forward would cause disruption and our flow is only just starting to settle down into a relaxed happy flow where life is easier so I'd rather avoid disruption of that.

I just don't know whether to say something to her here. If she'll find it nice and helpful to come to or if it'll make her worse.

Probably difficult for anyone to say because of not really knowing her on a deep level and she doesn't label her stuff, none of us like to do that, but I was hoping someone might have a perspective I might find helpful.

Many Thanks, Karen

I started labeling it. And you don't label all yours all the time either lol. I miss you. When we were together for so long, basically bound together dealing with life it was nice. When you went away for those years I was really sad and lonely. I love that you are back. I know being how we were before is not necessary anymore and we were at that time basically dominating our whole self so it's not fair or practical but I do miss it. I miss your blaze not worry about stuff, I'm glad you still have it despite what happened. It means alot too that you don't want to disrupt how overall the flow of ourselves is repairing it's self after "the sociopath" In lots of ways I wish you were here with me now although I know that's not good overall so I accept it. Thanks for caring enough. Beth.