Fourteen

Hey.. I gave the topic my name, cause maybe I can use this later on too, if it's OK.

I'm a boy and I'm 14, and I'm part of the system like you can see there ---->
that's not my name or picture I'd choose. I have DID too, it's like.. it's in the inner world but other parts of my system can also come out now if they are in my body when we come out. I don't know if you understood, but I just hope it's OK for me to write in here as someone who has DID too?

My problem is in the inner world, but that is my real world and I have DID and our outside T believes that too, so I hope you're not offended or anything cause my life in mostly inner one. That's why I made my own thread here, so you all know I'm talking about inner world tings and not something that's in your world.

I've bit embarrassing question about sex, but I saw someone else asking something bit similar too, so maybe it's OK. This can be triggering I ques, it's about younger parts.

I have one guy I've been with now, and the problem is that I've many parts who are into sex. They are mostly tweens, so they are young, but they want to have sex. They don't need to, they want to. And I don't know if it's OK to let them or not. Cause if I say they can't, they get really bad about it. It's cause they are ashamed of wanting, cause they know they shouldn't. I think telling them not to makes their problems worse. And it's not that easy to stop them, because I can't control them like that. So is it OK to let them?

They come near the body now, but they want to do it as themselves too. That may be better, cause they're like, they don't want to do everything, just one thing and one of them is shy and wants to cover his face. They don't like kissing either, they think it's gross, but I do like it. They are pretty sensitive so I think it's better if they can have their rules when they do it.

Sorry if this is not fine to ask. I'm not good with knowing what's OK to tell. I was told to take some details off and I did. I ques it's OK to talk about kissing.

Is it OK if I ask questions in this thread?
Do you know about if it's OK to let younger ones to do stuff too, if they really want to?

#Fourteen

Hi Fourteen,

We've struggled with a similar question. Eventually we decided that young parts cannot consent and therefore it wouldn't be safe - so that's why I took the responsibility for it and said: "No."

It's a personal decision and it may be different if it's in an inner world, but my view on it is that it's not safe. You could be playing out past trauma things/beliefs.

i guess we have the opposite problem. me and alice want this stuff, but we're adults. two of the kids are really set off by this stuff, and they're finding it hard to deal with us being in adult situations. doesn't mean me and alice don't have our own issues, they're just different. i struggle a lot with wanting stuff but not for the "right" reasons, 'cause those reasons are rooted in trauma. everyone has different responses to this stuff. being sex repulsed can be just as much a trauma response as being hypersexual, though both those things can happen outside of trauma stuff too.

but yeah, i agree with what fireheart said. kids are kids, regardless of whether they're outside kids or not. they can't consent, so they can't do that stuff. i mean, kids can explore this stuff on their own or experiment with other kids, but that can lead to some pretty awful trauma too, so it's complicated.

i think you should all have a discussion about it. i mean whatever you do is up to you, but as a suggestion - if you ask them why they want this stuff and explain why they can't do certain things, but that it's okay to want stuff, maybe they'd feel better about it. our problems with this stuff came about 'cause we weren't talking enough. there's not enough trust and communication between us yet.

- jones

Really good question. I don't know the answer. It's tricky because the "mind" of younger alters is young but obviously the physical body is at the age it's at. The side to it is the re-traumatising side of it - would it be re-traumatising? If they are parts that are going to "grow up" would that effect how they grow up?

If you're young yourself fourteen then it seems alot to put on you. You shouldn't be having to deal with this.

Which older part internally can take the responsibility of this from you?

hi fourteen
its a very good question
i agree with fireheart. Kids cant consent
you yourself are a bit young but thats my opinion
anyways i hope you find the answer youre looking for

Hey! Thank you for responding. I don't really understand time, so I hope you don't mind it took a while to come back.

Biggest trauma thing to the ones who want it is that they know it's not right to want it. Like they can have love and attention and all when they do stuff and are who they are, but because they do, then other people judge them for it. That's why they don't have anything else than sex. They can't go back just being boys doing normal stuff other kids do. And that has already happened, so stopping them now won't change that.

I've been told I shouldn't have sex either, but it doesn't take wanting away. It just makes it wrong. For me it's OK now that I'm not with anyone much older than me, like, it's like then I just don't obey. It's harder for younger ones cause they will be guilty when they want and be really ashamed of what they are. But that is what they are, nobody can change it. They don't have enough willpower to stop them from getting in the mood. I don't either.

It's hard now cause they don't really have permission to come and they do anyway, and that's how they can end up in something they don't like. And it can't be their rules all the time just in case, cause that's not fair, it's not all about us anyway. That's why I thought maybe if they can have their own time and then stay out when it's not their turn.

There is no adults in my system, I'm one of the hosts and one of the oldest ones. And outside adults, if you mean like the adults in my world, they are our caretakers where we live. I can't ask from them, cause that would be like asking from your mom. I know they are also somehow system members, but that's not how it works inside. To me they are just other people.

#Fourteen (Jules)

Hi Jules,

Floralie wrote:Biggest trauma thing to the ones who want it is that they know it's not right to want it. Like they can have love and attention and all when they do stuff and are who they are, but because they do, then other people judge them for it. That's why they don't have anything else than sex. They can't go back just being boys doing normal stuff other kids do. And that has already happened, so stopping them now won't change that.

I've been told I shouldn't have sex either, but it doesn't take wanting away. It just makes it wrong. For me it's OK now that I'm not with anyone much older than me, like, it's like then I just don't obey. It's harder for younger ones cause they will be guilty when they want and be really ashamed of what they are. But that is what they are, nobody can change it. They don't have enough willpower to stop them from getting in the mood. I don't either.

I think I disagree with what others have said on this thread. Because you're talking about what's going on in the inner world, right? None of this is about what the physical body is doing with an outside person, right? Then I don't think the idea of age of consent comes into it at all.

I don't know exactly what they want to do, because you left out the details, but if it isn't physically hurting the outside body, and they are just wanting love and attention for being who they are, then I don't see anything wrong with that. Everyone deserves love and attention just for being who they are, and not being judged for that based on someone else's expectations of what they should or shouldn't want and should or shouldn't be. If the only reason they can't also do regular kid stuff is because people will judge them (in the inner world?), then it's those people who are causing the difficulty. If what they want to do isn't hurting anyone and is meeting a need of theirs, I can't imagine why it would be a problem.

Do you see a problem with letting them do what they want and need to do?