Background people running things

So I was writing a reply about memory. The twins made a pain in the right front hemisphere and said memory is there. I Googled it. They were right. I went back to the post to say "yea they were right"

Then I went back to look up more brain stuff and that's when my left hand went to my throat and started to squeeze. So I took the hint that, most likely, the twins don't want me to read brain stuff.

The twins made a memory bank of everyone else's memories but obviously they have knowledge and at somepoint must of read some brain stuff and I have no memory of it and it's not in the central memory bank. I know they keep stuff to themselves. No one is capable to do anything about it internally and they basically run everything which to be fair we're happy as a whole but it's still concerning that they have this under current of control and are very keen to keep us out of it - even down to just reading a bit about the brain.

Also when stuff like my computer plays up at work I get paranoid they are doing it somehow. If you read the post about the guy I work with having DID then it's him that made my computer stop messing about but again it could be me over thinking:

The computer kept playing up. Looked like I'd done things at way past office hours and I thought it was the horrible office lady in the other premises who didn't like me but at the back of my mind wondered if it was the twins.

It all stopped when I walked to my computer and the keyboard was behind the monitor. The possible DID guy looked at me and he looked at the key board and he looked at me again with a "stop messing around" face and internally someone said, most likely the twins, he knows we're doing it to ourselves. And touch wood I haven't had any issues with that computer since. Even down to how it's old and someone badly programmed to disable the sound which kept creating invalid syntaxes - all of that is gone, like someone fixed the computer and stopped f'in with me by logging into my log in at weird hours and doing stuff. So I think I'm just paranoid but am I because how did it all stop and also directly after the feeling internally that the guy was "onto us" I'd wonder why the twins would do that but I know why, because they don't like that office lady as she's really mean to people and nasty to this autistic guy they like because he notices everything around him - she treats him really badly so if they made us think she was messing with us then we'd feel ok and more motivated to confront her. So that's why. I don't understand when though because I don't have blank memory for them to log in at the specified times - dinner times, other busy times but they could just change the time stamp - I don't even know what a time stamp is lol, I just know the word, it's probably the wrong word I dunno.

Anyway I am concerned of them having learnt and done stuff. I have no memory gaps and the only thing I can think is at night maybe? Although sometimes if I'm infront of a screen it will feel like 10mins but 2 hours have past - which is a memory gap but I just think I've got too into looking at memes or something and forgot the time. I don't think of it as a gap but really it is.

It's starting to worry me a little. When i thought I was just paranoid it was better but pretty much knowing they must of looked up brain stuff at somepoint and I have zero recollection of it says maybe it's not all paranoia and over thinking and over regulation of myself.

What experience of this have you guys?

Going to look up "time stamp" now to see if that's a real term.

-- Wed Jan 30, 2019 11:05 pm --

Time stamp is a thing and it can be altered. I don't have the capacity to look that deeply into it. Also they'd have to somehow access the actual computer to log in which it is connected to WiFi and sometimes I don't turn it off. I'm getting a headache. I think I'll just not think about all this.

Also, sorry to go on but this has been an ongoing concern that I have kept to myself.

Mostly I have songs stuck in my head. Which I now think is when they're having conversations they don't want anyone else to hear.

The song cut briefly and "better put that #######5 programme back on the computer" was the thought I heard which made me worse think they were doing all that messing with my computer at work.

I find it really difficult to believe I could somewhere inside of me know anything about computers. I also find it very difficult to believe that if the twins do have IT knowledge that they have had the time or opportunity to do any of this.

But when they first woke up they were causing alot of disruption internally with thoughts and their stories. They were overly interested in the computer. The whole server went down one day and it was like they knew it was going to and that it'd be back up again within half hour, which it was. So because that time was so disrupted for me when they first woke up I can't be 100% sure that I'm being paranoid. Because maybe they do know stuff and did do stuff. But then again it sounds too far fetched.

Since I started looking up the brain stuff and wondering how the twins do stuff I've been feeling different areas of the brain being manipulated. It doesn't feel crazy it feels normal, I think I just wasn't aware of it before.

They started talking about brain science on a thread about ECT and spoke about it in very basic terms and then started to talk about basic spiritual stuff and I was making a sandwich because we're on a break. And then they thought 'better turn all that off" ie the brain science stuff and the spiritual stuff and I felt pressure around my whole frontal lobe - frontal lobe lol - like I know what I'm talking about, I'm starting to learn all the terms. And then it was "switched off" worry about brain waves and spiritual, switched off. Gone. I went robot like for a couple of moments but I'm "phasing" back in now. Gonna eat my sandwich and then get on with what I'm supposed to be doing.

The only reason this all feels a little odd or crazy is because I'm sharing it on here with the outside world. Usually it wouldn't even be shared the views on the brain or the spiritual stuff. It's would be kept to ourselves. We just live life and all of that is private. So I don't feel "crazy" it doesn't bother me other than sharing it I'm pretty certain alot of people would view me as crazy, lock me up and drug me or worse ECT me.

Is it safe to say stuff here? I'm not 100% sure.

Well according to the spiritualist lady I'm ok to express myself in this life. So it is ok. "safe" and I ought to just say stuff. I'm going to believe her.