gaps in logic, decision-making, reasoning

I'm so tired of the random lapses in decision-making that have caused me grief (and sometimes money) as far back as I can remember.

I used to guess it was an alter causing the annoyances. Maybe somebody was deliberately messing with the hosts, or somebody got scared or triggered by something. Maybe that's true sometimes or at least used to be. But we've had to admit that our own decision-making doesn't always function very well. I'm feeling negative and frustrated about this now and wanted to give the thread a much more negative subject line like "damaged thinking."

As an example, we sometimes find ourselves not showing up for significant appointments, or showing up at the wrong time on the wrong day. We've come up with some ways to avoid that during much of our life, especially in recent years, like keeping a calendar. I now keep a bullet journal (a type of organized notebook) with me almost all the time. And for the past couple years, we'll set an alarm on our phone for virtually any important future appointment or meeting. But even that we don't do without fail.

We keep thinking things like "oh, I'll remember that, I won't forget that" and then we do. Or "I'll write that down in just a couple minutes" even though we know that's a potential recipe for failure. Or "I won't mess that up, I mean, 3:00 today, that's just an hour from now" but we get distracted (we switch? I dunno) and it goes off the radar screen.

The most recent frustration was changes to our weekly therapy time. We always want to keep a regular day of the week and a regular time. We know changes may mess us up. Yesterday we were sure we had an T appointment so we showed up (over an hour travel both ways, multiple buses) but the door was locked. This Monday appointment is for next week.

We know how to address the therapy thing. We'll insist that our T write out the specific changes on a sheet of paper or ask her to list all upcoming sessions for a month or even just not have therapy if it can't be the regular time. But elsewhere when this happens -- work meetings and medical appointments are the most problematic -- I feel I'll just have to keep living with some degree of error and frustration. I used to get angry with myself but now I just sigh and say "well, this is my life" as if it will never change.

I'm not even sure how much this is a DID or switching thing. We don't lose time. The Monday bogus T appointment felt like it was more a misfire in one of the host's logic. We had talked to the T about a Monday appointment so when one of us saw this week's appointment scheduled for the regular time/day (which was correct), I/we jumped to "oh, I need to change that to Monday, I'm on top of this" or something like that.

My guess at the moment is that the problem may be a pattern of making decisions with limited knowledge. Of jumping to conclusions because I guess I had to do that back when I lost time. I just don't know. But I'm going to start keeping a list of these "logic gaps" so I can get a better handle on what's happening.

Hi,

I know exactly what you mean on many different levels. I spent years worrying and forcing things. It was awful.

Then I decided I would use what I call "old lady logic" I call it that because it's a common phrase old ladies would ay to me - I talk to the elderly alot.

"if its meant to be, it's meant to be. If it doesn't happen then it wasn't meant to be."

This attitude sounds like a recepy for disaster but for me it was the opposite.

1. Taking this view relieves all pressure on everything.

2. Because the pressure is off, once you start to shrug and say to yourself for whatever reason you weren't meant to be at that place today because you were somewhere else, actually making the appointments becomes easy. You're just there, at the appointment or doing whatever it is you intended.

3. You start to notice "because I didn't xyz I xyz instead" it could be something as simple as bumping into an old friend or finding a bargain you wouldn't of otherwise found or just that you are actually more relaxed in life. So you notice the joy in life.

I used to miss appointments all the time but since I adopted "old lady attitude" it rarely ever happens.

Also instead of forcing myself down paths for reasons that seemed valid I go along whatever path comes along and life is easier than when I was trying to force stuff and putting pressure on myself to succeed or do this or do that. Life is better.

I try to look at the silver lining, if there is one. Yesterday I could at least say "well, that forced me to leave work early, so there's that."

The gaps are in other areas too. I'll take on a project at work, for example, then later realize that I don't have all the information I need. I assume, correctly or not, that I was got it, I just didn't remember it. Then I'll try to piece things together on my own, research what I can, then succeed, fail, or achieve mediocrity. If I'm being smart and if possible, I'll go back to the person or people for the detail. Occasionally, I'll confess to blanking completely and ask for a complete repeat, but you can only do that so many times.

Sometimes I'll feel completely confident I've got it, then I find out my perception was partly or even way off. This doesn't happen most of the time. I hold a responsible position because I usually get done what's needed, especially if it's not all brand new. So I/we have skills, our reasoning or understanding just falls of the edge some of the time.

My life is sometimes like the dream where you show up to class and the teacher announces your name as next to give a speech and you're like a deer in the headlights saying "wait, what, a speech?" I can now recall feeling that way as a kid after I lost time. We don't lose time now but something's not working.

I've considered looking for an easier job here but I figure I'd have the same number of messes to clean up with a similar level of anxiety, just less income.

I get this happens sometimes for people, DID or not. For me, it seems to be a memory and reasoning problem. I assume it's related to the DID but I don't know if it's common. It feels like a result of the absurd childhood we had, I'm just not sure where to go to start reducing it.

I've watched my poor adopted son experience this stuff too and it's painful to witness. So I try to cut him all the slack I can without lowering expectations to zero, also not helpful.

Johnny-Jack. Have you looked into the possibility to make somekind of billboard in the inner world, and make everyone to use it?
- There is also the possibility to make a library where all necessary information can be stored, and planning for the day or week can be put on a big calendar..

I think DID forces a person into getting good at "winging it" There's the dear caught in the headlights scenario and then you HAVE to wing it. Which is basically operating on pure adrenaline, hence I have adrenaline junkie issues.

A bill board as suggested or a central memory bank for all relevant information is a good idea. I have that. I don't know how or how it works or how to do it, that's the twins forte, but I know it's possible. It's sometimes creepy because a person I've not seen for ages will approach and as the central memory bank floods in I'll remember everything I ever knew about them which is a bit odd but I don't have the "who the hell was that" problem any more. Same with learnt stuff, someone will mention something and like a snowball it starts rolling in my mind and all the stuff I know about that will start coming through.

With appointments and stuff I have phone reminder but 9/10 times I know when it is except when the appointment people message and that creates a confusion.

The twins created the memory bank and they're making a pain in the front right brain hemisphere with pressure behind the eye. But i don't know, that doesn't sound right and I don't think knowing where brain parts operate is actually helpful but maybe it is. I'm not a neuro scientist so now I'm going to Google if they have any basis in this suggestion.

You don't want files, you want like a computer, if it is possible at all for you to centralise memory. I don't know. If I didn't experience it I wouldn't believe it.

I do know that having less pressure to remember definitely helps.

Sounds to me that even if you are winging it that you're doing really well.

Ok, that's weird. The twins were right. The right frontal lobe of the brain is to do with memory. I really had no idea, as in I learnt it or read it till I just looked it up. They knew though so they must of looked it up or somehow know brain stuff. I would of thought it was at the back of the brain if I was guessing. Things like this are so weird. Also I have no idea how they made a memory bank, Jane is the interface, she's not an alter they just gave her a friendly name, I rarely use her. The twins do keep alot to themselves and I sometimes find it concerning because when did they learn about the brain, nevermind how did they make a memory bank - I tend to put it down to they somehow imagined it into being but they obviously have some actual brain knowledge involved in this somehow.

Anyway I don't know if this helps but maybe it does.

I used to assume I just spaced something, or screwed up in some other way, but then I learned to keep notes during meetings and phone calls. That helped with my focus and recall, and documented what I was actually assigned or agreed to do. Turns out some other people were the problem. I am better at recognizing and avoiding contact with those people, and when there is contact my notes are a great defense.

Hi Johnny-Jack,

We have the same problem sometimes. And we have a theory.

#1 - Sometimes setting up appointments triggers us or somebody is there while we're talking about it and that triggers us. Anyway we're triggered so information gets lost. For example when we're at the doctor's office we are triggered off the charts but acting normal. If Host makes an appointment it's going into a SUPER triggered brain. Good luck with that!

#2 - We sometimes have double-memory (like double-vision). Our T says Tuesday at 3pm and our brain also makes up Wednesday at 3pm - Tuesday at 2pm - Cancel next week - plus like a hundred more. And we know them ALL so we can't figure out which one is the real one. The more we think about them the realer all of them get.

Good luck,

Iain