My sister has Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum and I have a very limited knowledge about this disorder so please excuse me for being naive.

Recently, my sister opened up to me about her disorder. She told me about her amnesia, and how she ended up in the middle of nowhere all scared and clueless and lot of other such events which later led to her diagnosis. She has been getting therapy and help from her boyfriend for a while now.

She hasn't disclosed much about her condition as of now. I understand it is a step-by-step process, and I need to be a little patient about it.

All I want to know is, how to handle it as a brother? What should I be doing and which should I be avoiding? I completely support her and want to help her, but what should I keep in mind?

I know, later when opens up more about her conditions and later when she herself discovers more about it, it will be a little difficult for me to understand because I am not the one going through it, so what do I do? How do I handle new information? How do I make sense of it, from my perspective, so that I can help her better?

It will be really helpful if I can get some other sibling's insight on this. As for people with this disorder, how do you think your family could have handled it better? How did you want them to react and support you when you told them about it?

Any information is helpful. I just wish to understand her better now.
Thank you so much in advance.

It's heartening to hear about a brother's caring like this. Reading about DID is helpful and proves you want to understand more about what she's dealing with. Certainly research the basics. Your sister may have reading suggestions or forum members could suggest some.

I have DID and though my 3 sisters seem to dissociate to varying degrees, I don't think they have DID. But DID allowed me to develop some high functioning parts and I don't think I'm less functional than them overall. What I'm trying to say is that DID was an effective coping mechanism under extreme childhood environs and "becomes" a disorder mostly as an individual grows up and it limits functioning to some degree.

This may or may not be news or challenging thought to you but chances are your sister had damaged and/or damaging or extremely neglectful caregivers, likely parents. If you can help protect her from any toxic family members or behaviors, that would be gold.

From my own POV, I'd say believe her, at least acknowledge what she tells you. Admit it may take you some time if that's true for you. Be honest. Ask questions. There were a couple times family members or friends couldn't or didn't respond to certain things I told them. I understood but it stopped me from reaching out to them further. Some actually said things like "I don't want to meet anyone else" before I even thought of doing that.

It would be like a sibling or friend confided they were gay or something and the person they told wanted them to go back to acting how they did before!

Thanks for supporting your sister. I'm sure many of us here wish we had a brother like you.

Welcome,
She's lucky to have a caring brother. Know every DID is different & operates differently. A common thing...results from severe trauma. It is really an amazing coping mechanism. The ability allows the person to be functional some highly functional. Be patient, let her lead the way, & some won't make sense to you. My T is a recognized expert in the field & he admits he doesn't understand everything. Just be the good brother. Glad you're here & ask anything cuz lots of experienced people here. Just remember everyone is different.

Hey, so I don't know if I have much helpful stuff to say.

Maybe, just listen to what she tells you, and acknowledge it. Like, you don't have to understand, but let her know you hear what she's saying, and that you're trying. Or at least, that you're there for her.

Like, a lot of this stuff can feel crazy at times and sometimes it's enough just to have someone to talk to about it.

And if you do meet any of her other parts, just try and be accepting and stuff. Don't like, try and push them away to get the 'real sister' back. Cos they're all the real sister.

I also wanna say, thank you, for putting in the effort. You're a really good brother and your sister is lucky to have you. Our own sister basically disowned us rather than accept our situation.

Viola

Good on you!

I only have experience with my wife. But, she is continually worried about being rejected when telling someone (or even worried about being rejected by me after a year of knowing about DID). So reminders that you accept her, want to understand more, you aren't leaving, and are there to help can be worth a lot. Being someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on is huge.

If you, they, and their T are open to it, positive interactions with insiders (alters) can help bring stability. Some may be aware time has passed. Others may remember you and be confused that you have aged (Had several like that confused at how old the parents look now. Think Rip Van Winkle...)

Thearapy can lead to a bumpy road with a lot of recovered memories that were blocked because they were too much to deal with. Bringing them back now will feel like they are happening now. Reminders of who you are, where she is, that she is safe (grounding) are helpful if you see her panicking.

There a lot to learn and it won't all make sense. EX. Lou (4y/o) will get a chair to stand on to reach the freezer though the body is tall enough without it.

Feel free to come back with more questions!!!

(Sorry about the delayed responses. First few posts require mod approval and sometimes it takes a few days...)

Hi,

You're doing good.

You might meet one of your sister's alters but that's ok. Just remember that they're different people and they may have a different relationship with you. Get to know them. Don't keep telling yourself things like 'this is crazy' or 'how do I get my sister back'. It's going to be ok.

Iain

I'm a 14 year old alter. So now you've met an alter. Wasn't so bad huh?