She wants to meet the therapist

Or should I say she wants the therapist to meet her? Anyway I guess we could be up for that since the cat is out of the bag anyway. But how? And what if this t will disappoint her again? She is still really hurt about previous t even though that is already 5 years ago. Not even mentioning that switching in front of people is scary af. But somehow I guess we should because she wants to. She is an innocent tween.

My little wanting to meet the T is what pushed me to open up and tell the T about us. I was afraid that if I DIDN'T tell T, then Lilly would just bust out one day and that wasn't the type of surprise I wanted to the T to deal with.

So, I told her. We talked about it. I told her why I was telling her (and a lot of "I promise I'm not crazy comments, lol). She said she'd be happy to meet anyone who wanted to talk with her. T has met all but two of my others. Oddly, not the little. Lilly decided that T just knowing about her was good enough.

K

Go for it. Tell her. You're there. You're real. You want the T to see you. I totally get it. Like K said, have your host tell the T ahead of time that you want to meet her. Maybe schedule the visit so the T has time to prepare and isn't surprised. I'm sorry you were hurt before. But ya gotta live! You'll probably feel better.

Britney

Hi,

Host SO didn't want to tell our T or switch or anything in front of her. But then Evan got super upset and switched right there in the middle of the session! When the T told Host about it he was totally embarrassed!

Maybe it's better to tell Ts early and do it before you have to.

Iain

I understand feeling nervous about switching in front of other folks.

What's really important here is making sure your T is a good fit for you and your kiddos. You hired them for this job! Can you send your tween off to do something fun while you talk to your T about your anxiety around the introduction? This gives your T a head's up and gives you the opportunity to make sure your T is prepared to have a helpful interaction with your little. You can even talk to them about what your tween likes and doesn't like when interacting with other people.

I agree with Iain about getting tough stuff out there sooner than later so you can determine if your T is a good fit. Also being transparent about your fears means less time spent in your head about possible outcomes and more time taking action in the physical world. It's hard to take leaps, but a good T will do their best to make sure you have a safe place to land.

Let us know how it goes. You've got this!

I'm aware of all the issues behind this. Therapist has seen us switch already but not to a vulnerable alter. I want to move forward with her and work with her, which I'm guessing means I should reveal alters.. But I don't know how to switch. Usually it just happens.. But I guess I could just discuss it with t. Switching to her honestly feels like it would be a waste of the session. I know it's mean of me to say that. She wants to help and to just talk with t and be seen, but how could she even help. But I still want to do Jenni this favor, I just don't know how.

My hunch is that if she wants to be there and you don't hold back, the switch will happen.

If there is still nervousness, can she speak or write through you to the T?

TheCollective wrote:I'm aware of all the issues behind this. Therapist has seen us switch already but not to a vulnerable alter. I want to move forward with her and work with her, which I'm guessing means I should reveal alters.. But I don't know how to switch. Usually it just happens.. But I guess I could just discuss it with t. Switching to her honestly feels like it would be a waste of the session. I know it's mean of me to say that. She wants to help and to just talk with t and be seen, but how could she even help. But I still want to do Jenni this favor, I just don't know how.

Here is how I would approach this (because it is what would work in our system, so take what fits for you and leave what doesn't. )

1. Communicate with Jenni and let her know "It's okay for you to talk to the T. I won't be upset if you come out to talk to her. You know I can't facilitate the switch, but I won't block you/fight you if you want to come out."

2. Tell the T "I have this part who really wants to met you. Her name is Jeni. Here's what I know about her. I'm ok with you talking to her, but I don't know how to switch so it's up to her to come out on her own, and I won't stand in her way."

3. Have Jenni write down some things ahead of time that she wants to talk about. Maybe ask her for a code word that when the T says it, Jenni will hear and it can act as a trigger (?) Maybe...? For example, we gave our husband a special custom Zippo lighter. It was Lilly's idea, and Lilly picked the design. Now, every time she hears that unmistakable "Zippo" sound, she at the very least pays attention, but often pops out just to giggle and tell him hi. Or, if he wants to talk to her, he'll say, "Where's my Lilly. I miss my super special girl." And that makes her "wake up," and then she can chose to front or not.

4. I don't think Jenni talking to the T would be a "waste of a session." The system as a whole needs therapy, and if one part feels the need or desire to meet and talk to the T, it's not a waste. And in my opinion, saying "it's a waste," invalidates Jenni's feelings. Try to reverse the roles in your mind. What if it was one of your alters who was the "main" client of the T's, and YOU felt the need to see, meet, and speak to the T. Wouldn't you want that alter to allow it? Wouldn't you feel bad and angry if that person said, "It would be a waste to let you talk to the T." ???

The "secret" to a stable, well adjusted system, is for all parts to respect all other parts. And recognize when another part has a need.

Wishing you the best of luck!

K

Hi,

We thought it would be stupid to let Sean come to the session. He's just little and angry all the time and we thought it would just a whole lot of waste time. But it was a good session and really helped all of us!!! It's super hard to tell ahead of time what's going to help.

Iain

Thanks for the tips Kitten. You're right lain.. And I'm not trying to be mean to Jenni. I know it's mean of me to think that way and I'm not proud of it but it is how I feel. I hope I'll be able to at least discuss it with t.. Next week.. I only see her every other week.. And there's never enough time..

My experience has been that when an insider wants to talk to the T, there is usually a reason.

15 y/o Raina seemed nervous around me, but showed no issues to me other than being worried I would tell her bio-parents where she was. She really wanted to talk to the T, though it didn't seem as important to me as other things going on at the time.

Those talks unexpectedly set a lot of things in motion and ended up being the first step in moving from just coping to healing.