She wants to meet the therapist

I was hesitant about meeting our T, but in retrospect am very glad I did. I still have a lot of scepticism - and host is less than pleased at command being ceded to me - but it's a good thing overall. I needed to communicate about my experiences. As others have said, there's usually a reason why somebody wants to communicate with a T, maybe something they're uncomfortable talking about inside, and this could be a really positive step. Listen to your alters, they may know more than you do

I obviously don't know whether she has an additional reason.. But as far as I know, she was very attached to previously mentioned therapist. She never felt alone before she connected to previous t (or at least I was completely unaware of it). But after t retired she felt devastated and totally alone, and sort of still does. She sort of connects to my husband sometimes. But ever since our kids were born, or even since the pregnancy, she has been even more alone. Her wanting to meet the t is a positive sign to me because I feel like Jenni is the one who keeps our capacity to connect to people in a vulnerable way, which indicates that therapy with this t has the possibility to become effective.
But the real issue is, that our system has a sort of guard, I'm guessing many systems do. And through years of bad therapy he became incredibly strong and I don't know if he even knows how to get out of the way. He's like the reason why diagnosing us took so long. He has become less at the forefront since our last crisis and being discovered as a multiple, and I think he is even open to letting this t in but still very sceptical and it is (or has become) to him like a sort of instinct to block. He's like the control freak of this bunch and I don't know if we can convince him to try to let his guard down if we can't have 100% certainty that it won't backfire or disrupt. And when do people ever have a 100% certainty about anything? We could move away, t could get a new job, she might decide we're not real after all, she might not click with her, and so on and so on.. This t is very strong minded which is awesome because weaker people hold us back even more so I sort of feel like it could be the right move to make to let her see herself but I honestly don't know how. I think the one who keeps guard needs to be convinced and I don't know how. I feel like he could be a very difficult obstacle to overcome and I don't want to bother the t by presenting him to her to fix that stuff so I guess I want to try and help alleviate some of this resistance so she won't have to tackle all of it. If that makes sense? I always feel like I'm being difficult and creating issues where there don't have to be issues. But looking at the past it's actually very realistic of me to assume he's going to block progress very effectively.
So I don't know who I should keep happy I guess and it's immobilising me. These issues scare me so much that the expected usual outcome would be to not say anything at all about it to t, and let issues become more and more overwhelming over time, etc.. Anyway enough ranting.. I don't know if maybe my fear is what is activating the guard. And even if that were true, I don't know how to stop being scared either. I can keep this up for years and then still not have help or effective connection..

TheCollective wrote:I feel like he could be a very difficult obstacle to overcome and I don't want to bother the t by presenting him to her to fix that stuff so I guess I want to try and help alleviate some of this resistance so she won't have to tackle all of it. If that makes sense? I always feel like I'm being difficult and creating issues where there don't have to be issues. But looking at the past it's actually very realistic of me to assume he's going to block progress very effectively.
So I don't know who I should keep happy I guess and it's immobilising me. These issues scare me so much that the expected usual outcome would be to not say anything at all about it to t, and let issues become more and more overwhelming over time, etc.. Anyway enough ranting.. I don't know if maybe my fear is what is activating the guard. And even if that were true, I don't know how to stop being scared either. I can keep this up for years and then still not have help or effective connection..

This part of your post sounds to me especially important to share with your T.

Your T will need to build a working relationship with your guard in time. I know when Lou first came out, AJ , her protector, was furious that she was spending time with me, a man. We worked out several deals with AJ so that Lou could be out to color with me but AJ would watch everything. Lou also agreed to go back if AJ said so. We found terms everyone could agree to, kept them, and built trust that way. The terms would probably be different with a tween, but the ideas are solid.

SOHank wrote:

TheCollective wrote:I feel like he could be a very difficult obstacle to overcome and I don't want to bother the t by presenting him to her to fix that stuff so I guess I want to try and help alleviate some of this resistance so she won't have to tackle all of it. If that makes sense? I always feel like I'm being difficult and creating issues where there don't have to be issues. But looking at the past it's actually very realistic of me to assume he's going to block progress very effectively.
So I don't know who I should keep happy I guess and it's immobilising me. These issues scare me so much that the expected usual outcome would be to not say anything at all about it to t, and let issues become more and more overwhelming over time, etc.. Anyway enough ranting.. I don't know if maybe my fear is what is activating the guard. And even if that were true, I don't know how to stop being scared either. I can keep this up for years and then still not have help or effective connection..

This part of your post sounds to me especially important to share with your T.

Your T will need to build a working relationship with your guard in time. I know when Lou first came out, AJ , her protector, was furious that she was spending time with me, a man. We worked out several deals with AJ so that Lou could be out to color with me but AJ would watch everything. Lou also agreed to go back if AJ said so. We found terms everyone could agree to, kept them, and built trust that way. The terms would probably be different with a tween, but the ideas are solid.

I agree with Hank.

... You say that you want to make it easier on your T, and you feel like your bothering her and being difficult. Well, the fact that our lives are dififcult is part of WHY we are in therapy. It's WHY we need a T, and tackling issues to help us be healthy is the T's job.

Tell the T what you told us. If it's difficult to actually say, print out or show her the last post in this thread you made.

The T needs to know about your guard. And if Jenni wants to meet the T, and the guard is in the way, then the guard has to know it's okay to trust the T to not hurt Jenni. And for that to happen, the T and the guard have to form a working relationship. Even if he never comes out to meet her, and she just talks to him and he lets you be a go-between. Whatever the solution is, it has to involve getting the guard on board, especially if he has the power to block Jenni.

K

Yes. Even my very new and inexperienced psychiatrist caught me trying not to bother people. Putting myself last in line. Therapy things are very slow going with all the seasonal illnesses and soon the Christmas thing going round. But I will definitely try to get over myself and show t the writings.. I think she'd be very glad Im taking a step.

TheCollective wrote:Yes. Even my very new and inexperienced psychiatrist caught me trying not to bother people. Putting myself last in line. Therapy things are very slow going with all the seasonal illnesses and soon the Christmas thing going round. But I will definitely try to get over myself and show t the writings.. I think she'd be very glad Im taking a step.

It's not about "getting over yourself." It's about accepting yourself and working to be the best you that you can be. It's about working with your others towards cooperative living. And if integration is your goal (it's not for all people, it's certainly not for US at this point), then it's working towards that.

But yes, taking a step, no matter how small it may seem, is a BIG step!

K