Is there anyone else like me?

I forgot about this for awhile now since I've been on medication that made me feel more integrated, but umm... apparently in the past I've felt more like a robot alter than someone that is human. I know, it probably sounds weird to say that, but that's how I really felt. I felt like a hollow shell that other parts would communicate through and I just think that's really sad... and someday soon, i may go back to being that robot girl again.

I say that because I'm going to see about going on a different medication that doesn't mute my alters or keep me so artificially put together. If I can find a way to handle my chronic fatigue without being on such a strong medication, I'm going to do it because i want to heal from my trauma normally, not by using medication to put a band aid on it. Not judging others who use medication to deal with their trauma, but it's really not for me...

...Are there any other non-human alters out there like me?

-Stella

We have 2 alters that feel little to no emotion. Z feels the tiniest amount and usually feels more like a machine then a person to me however she would tell you that such a perception is illogical because we share the same biological body. Backup as far as I'm aware has never experienced emotions and has no consept of them and chose to be referred to not by a name but by a description of her role (which is to store our shared knowledge and make sure we all have the needed access.)

I often feel less real then the others. I can't go inside and when they front I become muted so that my existence at the front and in the body doesn't interfere with what they want. It's like I'm a conduit for them to access the body and I exist just to keep the body functioning when no one else wants out.

Feeling like a robot can be a sign of depersonalisation. So feeling like a robot isn't necessarily your permanent way of existing. If you were able to heal more you might be able to experience life more fully.

yeah - we've got OC and her picture is a robot in the album. but she doesn't think she's a robot. but she keeps us all together and is the mediator and makes sure we follow rules. she works with Tom a lot.

and then we've got a part named "me". and she has hardly like ANY emotion. just a cold logic. like a Vulcan or something.

we need those parts to keep us going. we all work together as a team.

but sometimes it's ok to change jobs. just talk about it inside. you don't have to be a robot if you don't want to.

that's the cool thing about NOW.

NOW is different. in the NOW you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. you don't have to be anything you don't want to be.

it's not like THEN when there were all the bad times.

in the NOW you are safe and nobody hurts you. In the NOW you make your own decisions. in the NOW you can choose whatever you want.

you know for us OC had a really. really. really important job. she was a hollow shell that we all communicated through. but she made sure we followed the rules about staying safe. amd she was the only way we communicated. if it wasn't for OC we wouldn't be alive or ok.

so you know...
I don't think you should feel like you were just anything. it sounds to me like you are pretty important too. maybe you are just ready for some thing different?

SF has one kind of similar I've recently met who currently goes by "Messenger". (We're working on a name.) Messenger identifies more as a computer that relays important messages from ??? Messenger is mute due to it's nature, relaying messages via typing externally or thought-form internally.

As for other non-humans in SF's system, Alana considers herself "beyond human". (Enlightened-ish spiritual being.) There is "The Man" who can morph and is currently shattered but will eventually be rebuilt as memories of component pieces are processed. Also one that considers herself a box with four "faces" that are all her but all different (I've only met two of them so far, unless Messenger is another face...), but has a full range of emotions.

Nyaaaa Zed is robot-like, although I wouldn't call her nonhuman she doessssssssss seem very "robot like" at times, limited emotion, speech, very methodical. She isn't always like that though, there are moments where she seems like a hooman, or well more hooman like nyaaaaa. And I am a kitty girl!

Jo!!!!

Thank you everyone for your replies. It really makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone in my experiences. And you're right BeccaBee, I can change jobs if I so choose to... but I'm not sure if I want to change how things are? There is comfort in envisioning myself as robotic for some reason. It's like, without me being that way, then there's no way for my other parts to come out and experience the world, and for one reason or another, that makes me feel worse. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm trying to shoot down your idea. I just think that maybe I'm not ready to make such a monumental shift just yet.

My appointment to see my psychiatrist is on Thursday. I'm hoping that then I'll be able to make the shift to some medication(s) that will stabilize my mood and keep me from being tired all the time without taking away my ability to talk to my other alters. Again, I want to heal from my trauma, and the only way I can do that is if I can access my alters.

...Maybe this is a stupid idea. I mean, on this medication that I'm on now, I'm fused together with everyone else for the most part. Sure, it's forcefully done, but it makes me more functional! If I take away what's gluing us all together and keeping my parts from speaking, I wonder what will happen? Will I still be able to achieve my dreams? Will I go back to being pessimistic/depressed all the time? If I'm on a mood stabilizer, maybe that won't happen, but... still, I wonder what might happen to us.

If I have to go back onto the medication that I'm on now, then I'll do so. But for now, I want to see what will happen on different medication(s)... I just hope that everything will be okay in the end and that my alters and I will be able to talk together again. And maybe one day we will be able to fuse together again, but if we do, I want to do it on our own terms in a natural sort of way (meaning without the usage of medication).

hm yeah a couple years ago i had had a really deep numb feeling for a long time and felt somewhat like a robot or something. but i definitely have numbed out aspects of myself i relate to.

we have two dispassionate, emotionless alters, one of whom is a ageless vampire. Both come out when things become overwhelming to analyse things.

Mosaic Butterflies wrote:on this medication that I'm on now, I'm fused together with everyone else for the most part.

What medication is that?

TeddyBear the helper wrote:

Mosaic Butterflies wrote:on this medication that I'm on now, I'm fused together with everyone else for the most part.

What medication is that?

Right now I'm taking Abilify. Not saying that happens with everyone who takes it, but it's what's happening for me.