Gender

If you have different genders in your system, did you question your gender or not?

If not, why is that?

If you questioned it, did those feelings subside or did you find you were trans/non-binary.

I know different genders in a system doesn't mean you are trans. I just want to know what other people experience.

I have a lot of male/non-gender parts and it confuses me. I want to know if others have gone through similar situations.

We don't have any male alters as far as I'm aware so I'm responding to bump the post as I found it on page 2

Well, I thought I had a clear answer to this, and have written and deleted several attempts at answering it, so I guess it's confusing to us. I haven't spent much time thinking about it.

We have some male alters--none older than their teens. One has a relationship with a female in here, and he's the one whose feelings and attractions I notice the most (cis-male, and straight). We are outwardly cis-female, straight, and not questioning. I have one young boy part who seems to be genderfluid and he's also questioning whether or not he's gay.

Not sure if this is helpful.

On 12 alters, we've got 3 females, 1 agender and 8 males.
The body is female, so we're used to pretend to be female and it doesn't bother anyone. Our male parts don't feel like trans, mainly because we see the body as a "tool" rather than "who we are".
It's quite clear for us as alters, but I still wonder what would be our gender if we were "one"...

We used to have a male alter called Oliver who just point-blank refused to front because we have a female body. Did so maybe twice and only for emergencies. He hasn't been around for a while though or I'd ask him more

there are three men here, another who is non-binary, and two girls/women (including me). the body is the one i identity with self-image wise, so i see the body as cis female, like myself.

jones - one of the guys here - experiences a lot of dysphoria. he has to wear a binder and clothes perceived as more masculine in order to feel more comfortable with the body. he also experiences a kind of confusion over the body not being like his internal one. he expects our hair to be a different colour + length and for the body to have different anatomy, then feels distress when he realises the outside body isn't like that.

when i see the body, or interact with the body, i normally feel comfortable with it. if i'm dissociating, i may get a strong feeling of not recognising the body or not understanding that i'm physically in it, but i don't feel it should be different. however, at least lately, i keep getting a very strong feeling that the body should be different because of jones. his feelings overwhelm me, and i feel those feelings intensely sometimes. it's made it hard to know who i am and what my own feelings are, and it's interfered with being close to my partner, wearing certain clothes, being able to shower without dissociating/panicking, etc.

i like the body as it is, and how the body looks is how i perceive myself as a person. so getting strong feelings that it should be different are distressing because they feel like "outside" feelings to me. when those feelings aren't there, i feel comfortable - even happy - with the body. the main point is i see myself as a woman regardless of these feelings, and trying to see myself as a man because of these feelings highly distresses me. but those feelings are still there, because they are jones's feelings, and for whatever reason i can feel what he feels and end up confused/distressed because of it.

i briefly tried to wear his clothes whenever those feelings came around in an attempt to alleviate all of it, in the sense that if it made jones feel comfortable and the body then felt comfortable, then it'd be a good thing. it did work, to a point. but at least lately i've not been able to do that as it's been difficult to define my sense of self lately, and i've felt a really strong need to put a firm line between what i'd call "my feelings" and "other feelings", and leaving the "other feelings" alone because they're too confusing/distressing for me.

i don't know if any of that rambling helps and i'm in a heavy denial phase right now so i don't know if i worded any of this particularly well, but i hope it's of use somehow.

- alice

Our body is female assigned at birth. We have some females, some more males and at least two who identify as more genderfluid/agender. The host of the last 6 years, who was totally unaware of all the others, did transition the body to male, which made him and the other guys quite happy, but caused more trouble for the others.

I don't identify as either gender myself, but I was used to the female body and have to admit, that I sometime struggle, with the now male features. Beard feels wrong, hair loss is sad, and I suffer from phantom pain in my chest after the surgery. Non of the males has this problem.
But it also has its good sides. We can not get pregnant and do not have all the related monthly trouble going on with our body and for that I am sooo happy. I probably would agree to the transition, if I would be asked again.

-Autumn

We are female-bodied. We have a strong ability to separate the body's gender from our individual genders. We see the body as a vehicle, which is a completely separate issue from how we see ourselves as individuals.

Our system consists of five males and 42 females. These include a yin/yang non-corporeal tandem -- two beings, one of "male" energy and one of "female" energy. For this reason, we include them in the gender count mentioned here.

The four corporeal males are age 16, 8.5, five, and four. The 16-year-old is straight.

The 41 corporeal females include:
1 age 25 - identifies as a feminine lesbian attracted to feminine women
Nine identifying as straight: One age 23, two age 17, two age 16, two age 14, one age 13.5-14, one age 10.
Eleven identifying as asexual: Three age 23, one age 17.5, one age 17, one age 16.5, one age 15, one age 13, one age 12, one age 11, one age 10.5-11.

The remaining 20 females are too young for this to be relevant: Two age 9, one age 8.5, two age 8, two age 7, two age ~6.5, one age 6, one age 5.5, two age 5, three age 3, one age 2.5, one age 2, one age 1.5, and one age 6 months.

***TW for Gender Issues and Resentment Toward Family***

I am one of the three adult females indicated above in purple and who identify as asexual. The 44 other corporeal members all identify as binary. I should be able to consider myself among them, but one or more of the members of our mother's system decided when we were about eight or nine that it was "easier" to buy us boys' clothing because girls' clothing "didn't fit you as well." This was despite the fact that the opposite was actually true.

So, because of our mother's incompetent parenting, even though I identify as female, I will never be binary.

***End TW***

Drew

I would greatly welcome responses from any and all members, regardless of gender, to my previous post in this thread. I am more concerned about discussing the emotional and psychological impact of the trauma rather than the trauma itself. Thank you.

Drew

I have questioned my gender before. Now that I know we are separate.. or well, that is something I kind of have known back then too, it's more about now that I have my own identity too, and not just identity of different parts', it doesn't confuse me. But it still does. And doesn't.

I don't identify as trans, neither do any of "my boys". I have female body but most of the known system is male (but the system is mostly unknown). They do all kind of passive influencing things.. and I don't know if they mean to do that, or if that just happens. I can sometimes feel like we could go to trans meetings, to have help and ideas how to help boys feel more comfortable in my body. Non of them feel they are trans, they have their own bodies and the fact they can't interact with outside world with their own bodies is just inconvenience.

Fourteen suffers dysphoria when talking to outside people. I think it's mostly his voice, or actually that he can't speak with his own voice here (outside), which is why he decides not to speak out loud. He doesn't wanna practice it either. I think he is confused about it now. He doesn't wanna be trans or feel trans, he has his own body inside he identifies with, but he still has same kind of issues with our outside body than trans people have. That is more than just very confusing to him.

I have identified sexually as gay male, with female body. I know it comes from the parts and I don't know my own sexuality. I maybe don't have one?

At some point of our life, our host back then identified so much being one of the male parts, she felt all would be OK if she could have body like his. Then she would live a life he has, and problems would be solved. Maybe that was part taking over without her realizing, maybe it was passive influence, I don't know.

I don't know how we end up to be. I haven't really thought about it, because even if we would start taking hormones to change the body, the result would not look anything like parts do. They would maybe feel more comfortable talking out loud, but this body would still not be theirs. I think we would lose more than gain. I identify female now. Not very feminine female, but still very typical one. They would maybe sound more they think they should, but I would lose identity I've just managed to build. Trying to transform our body into male would mean non of us could identify with it anymore.

I hope therapy will give answers. Before getting them, I won't change anything.