Difficult Alter

There is understanding of Jen, so just be kind to her motives and say to someone else I'm glad it wasn't that bad of a self injury, until it begins to subside. For example, less of a stab, less of a brag, goes in sooner, less rationalzing of the behavior that is manifesting. Be sure to make this a focal point of therapy!

subversiverisks wrote:There is understanding of Jen, so just be kind to her motives and say to someone else I'm glad it wasn't that bad of a self injury, until it begins to subside. For example, less of a stab, less of a brag, goes in sooner, less rationalzing of the behavior that is manifesting. Be sure to make this a focal point of therapy!

Hey so I'm a bit confused by this, could you explain a bit more? Thank you <3

We just listened to this podcast at the end (about 59 minutes in) she starts talking about self harm and about it being a coping method. Anyway I thought it might help explain why Jen self harms to your SO and I thought maybe you could share it with your T because it talks about having parts and hearing voices earlier in it. And could say your sharing it because of the self harm bit and you wanted to talk about that and then use it to ask what she thinks about something else in it as if it just casually made you curious about her views.

It is a bit triggery but not as badly as the was expecting with the subject title.

https://hearingthevoice.org/2016/02/25/ ... -recovery/

@ Skaya, the confusion is okay, you are definitely not alone. To speak a little more, you have understand its behavior with dialouges as it happens say, oh yes you are here (journals; to your therapist etc). When it is complete, rationalize with whom it doesn't belong "see it wasn't that bad" (journals; to your therapist). Find out what makes it tic, when safe to work from a self injury alter vantage point. Rescripting the role finding a new importance can be attained.

Okay, this is making sense. Thing is, it feels like it's getting worse rather than better. I don't know how to start working with her in a way that's constructive.

And thank you guys - I really appreciate your replies, and indeed the podcast, very interesting to listen to.

Progress often feels like things are getting worse when that's not always the case because progress can mean new awareness, understanding or acceptance.

As for helping I think you already are, you guys told your T and are trying to get help. I think the self harm is a manifestation of the real problem which is all the pain and negative emotions Jen holds for the whole system. So keep working on that with the T and in the meantime try to learn your triggers and how much stress your system can tolerate. Which I don't think you know currently because you said about all your stress automatically diverting to Jen without you even being aware of it.

So this for Jen.
Britney here. I just want you to know you aren't alone. I had ways to cope with negative emotions too. Things that scared K and Lilly and drove Delilah crazy trying to rein me in and keep me from going "too far," (whatever the hell that means, lol). I didn't want to stop, because pain felt good. It still does, to be honest. SO, I get it. I totally f***ing get it.

I hated and resented K for a myriad of reasons. And she was scared and confused by me. She didn't like that "deep down" there was "this part of her" that wanted, needed things that good, Christian girls didn't do. And the more she forced me down, the more I hated her. But again, just one reason.

I had a lot of hate and resentment, and then the added emotional hurt of being abandoned and rejected by her. Then she really flipped her lid when I made it clear I wasn't just "a part" of her ... her... subconscious (for lack of a better word), and I started coming out as my own person and she realized all those times that had caused her to wonder "What's wrong with me? Why did I act like that? Why did I say that?" was actually ME in control.

It helped when I agreed to start letting her talk to me directly, and letting her see me. Oh I made it clear I hated her and would send her away if I could... but it was a START to communication.

I just wanted to give you a little background to say this... I get that you're in pain. And I get that the physical pain is a release. And I get that you don't want to stop the "negative behaviours" because let's face it... in a way, it feels good.

But... Try talking in therapy. You'd be surprised at how much it can help. And my PM box is open if you ever want to talk.

Britney