Help for my Girlfriend

My biggest concern is her loss of memory. It's seemingly an extreamly time sensitive problem. S enjoys taunting me saying 'tick tock your time is running out to help her'. And his targeting of memory could ruin any progress made by making her forget that progress. For instance, she lost a friend over a misunderstanding. I braught them back together and guided them to understanding things and forgiving eachother and they were so happy afterwards. Then S removed the memory of that event and she can no longer trust her friend again. Do any of you know how she can protect herself from these deeply personal violations of memory?

Deliberately alienating people is a protective behaviour. Deliberately blocking specific memories is also protective behaviour. It likely means S doesn't trust you or the friend. And I can't really say that would be surprising. The lack of trust and or precived threat could be based on things you have actually done or it could be based in trauma time. Ever way the solution is the same and you need to work on being trustworthy.

It's also possible it's an external manifestation if what's going on inside for them. From what you have said they are experiencing alot of internal conflict and it may be about them not trusting each other and punishing each other. If that is the case there is absolutely nothing you can do about it they must want to resolve it themselves.

The stories I hear from them get verry strange. And if any of you can make heads or tales of it feel free. S is cloaked in a darkness that completely covers him. That darkness is comprised of all the worst memories and emotions he has collected over his life. Often it takes the form of a large dark menacing shape around S with evil, glowing, red eyes. The young boy and the young girl are creations of his. Intentionaly created alters. For years the 2 young ones were trapped with him. Chained to walls and used as torture subjects for his amusement. ***Trigger Warning*** I was told he liked to hold a knife to the boys eye. Slowly getting closer and closer untill the boy screamed in fear. He would do the same to the little girl but the young boy would try to save her and insist that S do it to him instead. One day S sowed the little boys mouth shut. (To this day he can not speak) and sence he could not scream any longer the blade would not stop and he would gouge out his eyes. Being of the mind they eventualy grew back so he could have the pleasure of doing it again. I get the impression this was the least of what was done to them. ***End Trigger Warning***

S is creating an army. A long hallway of essentially clones of himself. Each one mindless drones horrific in aperince with there eyes and mouths sown shut. Hundreds of them. All under his control.

Items of interest in S's possession are a large book of unknown purpose that he pores over constantly. A floating box that represents the hosts life or soal. The lower the box gets the closer to a bad end the host becomes. The higher the box the better things are for her. I am told the box is slowly falling. Indicating the steady decline of her mental state. The impression is that he wants the box to fall. The young girl holds a key. The girl is the host's ability to cry and freely express emotion. She is always locked in a cage. There is also a large round glowing portal to somwhere.

Ofcourse all of these things are creations of the mind and I hold no supernatural stock in what they mean. The boy is constantly terified and the young girl when in controle simply runs away in terror. Fleeing for dear life.

I don't know what value any of this information holds. Perhaps something to somone here. Or perhaps its useless. I dont know. It's all so fantastical but its there life. And I feel like I need to take some of it seriously in order to help them or atleist understand them.

I don't think your getting it. You can not help them. They must want help they must want to heal they must be willing to try and work together. If they are not you are powerless to do anything, and even if they wanted your help your ability to help would be limited. If you can't accept there is nothing you can do you should leave for your own sake.

whoa there buddy. keep those details to yourself. we don't share that kind of stuff here.

face facts: you can't do a damn thing.

in first post you said that a lot of people on this chat place have DID and are open about it. that smells like BS to me.

scenario 1: girl is playing you for fun. in which case. you can't do a damn thing to help her. (of course, in your POV there's absolutely no possibility she is taking you for a ride.) ok. whatever. doesn't make a difference.

scenario 2: it's legitimate and for whatever reason the system is confiding in someone they barely know. ok fine. still can't help her.

she can only help herself and we most certainly cannot help you, help her.

she goes to therapy. you mind your boundaries. that's it. case closed.

NO OTHER DETAIL MATTERS. you cannot help her.

why are you even getting sucked into this? help yourself man.

This is really serious $#%^...

S is in a LOT of pain.. you cant imagine that.. S only has found one way to get in control of the fear and pain, and that is to have power, it is his security and the only way he knows of to manage to survive in that burnig hell which is his life..
The things he does to the kids is stuff that has been done in one way or another to him in real life , and the reason he does them is his protection from further abuse (Beig beaten up when crying) but also seems to be his version of therapy... (acting out memories with the boy)
He probably also believes he will be able to win over those painful memories by being strong , and that all those bad memories and hate makes him strong.

He is probably also jealous of your friendship with the others too , even if he dont want to admit it to himself.. and your presence most likely makes his loneliness worse, and thereby his actions way worse than they used to be... (Hate is a safe verson of love)
He may vey well have started out as someone who loved and adored the abuser, and wanted his love and care more than anything else. It is also in a twisted way possible that he in a subconcious way , wants to show you what a good boy he have become by copying the abuser.
-Remember that the abuser most likely was in the exact pain himself, just passing the pain along to a new generation.. (Noone ever is born as evil)

They need a specialist T with a lot of experience, someone who are used to this kind of severe abusesurvivors..

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As usual, this is internet, noone on internet can do more than guesswork about others.

How long have you known each other?

1st, the memories may be hidden, but are probably not gone.
2nd, “your son” ???
3rd, watch your words. You used “evil” to describe S’s eyes. Not cool.

The most frequent comment I heard in talking with my wife’s alters is shock and confusion because on one had ever complimented them or done something nice for them.

My wife also has one with glowing red eyes, long black dress (used to be smoke-like), very tall, and she floats. She frightened my wife and concerned me because I couldn’t connect with her and she was a strong advocate of self harm. (We are also working with a T.) My focus has been to try to do something nice for all the insiders. This one was not interested in gifts as “things are for humans”, but I was able to complement her penmanship. She said she had never been complemented before. Eventually, the T made a deal with her to try therapy for a month and see if it was better. (Pepsi challenge. Funnier now than it was in the moment.) She tried figuring she could go back to self harm later if it didn’t work out, but not necessarily the other way around… She granted an extension of the first month. I was able to show her nice things with sound and scent to show her a connection to the body. She was present at the first trauma processing meeting with the T, which was a bit disconcerting at first to the others as they didn’t know what to expect. But she has since become a trusted ally. And she knows Sunflower cares about her as well as SF took risks to rescue her when she got caught in a jar while trying to rescue Meg. But that’s another story…

This took many months. And that is with the help of an experienced T and someone who desperately wants to heal. I helped many of the others a lot. Despite my efforts, I feel like I did very little here to help A. and would have been massively overwhelmed trying to do this without our T.

Bottom line, she has to want to heal. You can’t push a rope, it doesn’t work.

BeccaBee wrote:whoa there buddy. keep those details to yourself. we don't share that kind of stuff here.

face facts: you can't do a damn thing.

in first post you said that a lot of people on this chat place have DID and are open about it. that smells like BS to me.

scenario 1: girl is playing you for fun. in which case. you can't do a damn thing to help her. (of course, in your POV there's absolutely no possibility she is taking you for a ride.) ok. whatever. doesn't make a difference.

scenario 2: it's legitimate and for whatever reason the system is confiding in someone they barely know. ok fine. still can't help her.

she can only help herself and we most certainly cannot help you, help her.

she goes to therapy. you mind your boundaries. that's it. case closed.

NO OTHER DETAIL MATTERS. you cannot help her.

why are you even getting sucked into this? help yourself man.

Scenario 3 : she has something else than DID but this VRchat community influenced her. You still can't help her.

This story make me think about someone I know who has BPD. She thought she had DID, and before that, psychosis. It leaded her to have weird symptoms that didn't made any sense to Ts, until she met one who saw the idealisation/devaluation thing. I would not go into details because it's not my story, but what you write there and what I saw look alike a lot. Specially the "erasing memories of the ones sees as unsafe" part.

I'm the only one (with her T) able to have a kind of healthy relationship with her because I'm the only one who doesn't get too much emotionnally involved. I like her, but when I talk with her, I'm here to provide support and validation if I can, not to be her friend, not to rescue her not matter what. I know I can't and I know it wouldn't be healthy for both of us.
I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but the fact I keep a distance allow her to not depend on me and to not idealise me, and still she knows she can come to me and ask for help.
At first, a part of her wanted to test me and she tried to scare me, to make me angry or to push me away more than once. Luckily, I know well how insecure attachment works and kept calm, stayed coherant about my boundaries and never judged her.

But I'm totally agree with others : take your distance and stop trying to help her. You can't, and if you keep trying, you're gonna hurt yourself and hurt her too.

NyxX wrote:I don't think your getting it. You can not help them.

Okay first off, check the hostility. I came here to learn. I'm not demanding you tell me how to fix her.

BeccaBee wrote:whoa there buddy. keep those details to yourself. we don't share that kind of stuff here.

face facts: you can't do a damn thing.

Jesus... All I'm trying to do is provide a complete picture so if you want to provide an opinion you can do it with all the information I have. I'm new here so I'm not clear yet on whats apropriate and whats not. I did provide a trigger warning. Telling me I cant do a damn thing is only going to give me a fearful and negative mindset about all this. I want to avoid that please. I do intend on continuing my relationship with her and if all I can hope to learn is how not to ###$ things up with my own ignorance I'll be happy with that.

BeccaBee wrote: NO OTHER DETAIL MATTERS. you cannot help her.

why are you even getting sucked into this? help yourself man.

Because I LOVE her! And I'm not so heartless as to sit back and watch her get worse and worse withought atleist exploring my and her options and taking the time to learn. I know I'm largely ignorant of all this so I have to try not to be for her sake and my own. I am a mentaly and emotionally healthy indavidual. Mostly because I take care of myself and I'm not afraid of my own emotions. I embrace and express them freely withought repressing or rejecting the pain. I've dealt with a lot and with each expereince I come away from it stronger and with a better understanding of myself. So I'm not afraid of what pain or hardships I may expereince from all of this. I am afraid for her. I want to be a suportive and positive presence in her life.

SOHank wrote: How long have you known each other?

1st, the memories may be hidden, but are probably not gone.
2nd, “your son” ???
3rd, watch your words. You used “evil” to describe S’s eyes. Not cool.

I've known her for 6 months
1st, thats a relief
2nd, its common among some internet communities to form informal families with friends. In this case one of my Girlfriends early traumas was being abandoned by her father only to be reunited with him later in life so he could demand money from her to fuel his drug adiction. I had hopes that I could show some part of her (through her alter) what its like to have a father figure that would never abandon or betray in order to heal her deep seated distrust of people in some way. The young boy and I have developed a deep bond.
3rd, the term I used was just the word told to me. I'm not the one categorizing anything as Evil.

@TeddyBear the helper, thank you verry much for your words. Out of everyine here, yours I feel are the most insightful, acurate, and understanding. This is what I came here for. Thank you.

No offense, but 6 months is a short term relationship. Even if you are dedicated, is she? Painful question, yes, but legitimate.

If you want to make progress with S, you need to stand out as different. If you’re SO uses negative words, don’t contradict, but shift them and say something like “I think they are just misunderstood. I know there is good in there.” Protectors especially will listen even when not fronting. They are not bad or evil but are vigilant. This is part why I'm emphatic about watching what words are said.

With DID it’s a “package deal”. They are all her and yet none of them are her. Don’t be surprised to find others if (hopefully when) she gets help.

I'm happy to support you as best I can, just seeing a lot of concerns, as are others, based on experience.