*tw* inpatient hospital after overdose

I am currently in the hospital on a medical unit after one of my alters decided enough was enough and tried to kill all of us. She took all of the remaining Doxepin, 26 of 75 mg. tablets, which is more than twice the lethal amount. I don’t remember much because my case manager called the police and ambulance to my apartment. I remember arriving to the hospital and then sitting on one of the emergency room carts. The next thing I know it is the next morning and I am intubated. I didn’t even know how I got there. The doctor came in and said that they were losing me quickly and if I had come any later I probably wouldn’t have survived.

Now I get to my question. This alter, Sarah, my therapist says is one that holds the most abuse memories. It is also the one that does the most harm to the body. I am just starting to learn about some of my alters,
And this one really scares me. Usually I can control whether one fronts or not, but with this alter if I become upset with someone, she comes out and sometimes leaves a path of destruction that is hard and sometimes impossible to repair. One instance of that is when she told someone at a crisis line that she wanted a nurse to get stabbed; this got reported to the doctors office that I was going to bring a steak knife to stab the nurse. I would never do this. Now everyone is afraid at the clinic and the clinic wants my psychiatrist to fire me; I am hoping that when she reconsiders everything, which she said she would do, I can still see her if I bring someone with me to appointments. Looking over my life, I can now see that when something drastically unusual for me, it was Sarah. My therapist says that she became so strong because she was left unchecked for so long and that I need to learn to overpower her to keep her from causing more destruction, but I am unsure how. Anyone have any suggestions?

Catlovermn wrote:Looking over my life, I can now see that when something drastically unusual for me, it was Sarah. My therapist says that she became so strong because she was left unchecked for so long and that I need to learn to overpower her to keep her from causing more destruction, but I am unsure how. Anyone have any suggestions?

Um, I'm not an expert on this, and it sure is very scary what she did when she was fronting, but I'm not sure what your T means by "she was left unchecked," and that you "need to learn to overpower her." It sounds kind of like you would be perpetuating the abuse if you were to do that. How much DID experience does your T have?

Have you or your T tried talking to her? Is she verbal? Because it sounds like she is in a lot of pain. You don't have to go into the details of the abuse memories yet, but have you and your T tried to help her feel better? Is there anything that she LIKES or WANTS to do that isn't unsafe or destructive?

Someone who sees killing herself as the only way out is really hurting. Do you have any idea what triggered this? Why did she decide NOW that enough was enough? Enough of what??

That's all I can come up with right now. Maybe other people have additional ideas.

I think Sarah needs to go into a hospital inpatient program that specializes in DID, where they can work with her safely. A few weeks should be enough time.

Is the current therapist really advocating what it sounds like, a suppression therapy? If so, you all need a new therapist.

Una+ wrote:I think Sarah needs to go into a hospital inpatient program that specializes in DID, where they can work with her safely. A few weeks should be enough time.

Is the current therapist really advocating what it sounds like, a suppression therapy? If so, you all need a new therapist.

**I am not a mental health professional. The following is only a personal opinion based on my own experiences and should not be taken in lieu of medical/mental-health advice***

I agree with Una on the suppression therapy not being good.

I have a part that used to be very angry at me and hated me. She was resentful of me, she wanted her own life and to do her own thing. She tried very hard to make us have two lives (my life and her life). She scared me, with the things she wanted to do and have done to her. I've known about my DID for over two years now. Looking back, I can see where this part surfaced, split, became self-aware (whatever you want to call it) in my teen years. And I shoved her down as hard as I could, because "good girls don't want those things, good girls aren't like that," and by denying her it made her hate me. Fast forward to about two years ago when I realized what/who she was, and it scared me even more. Again, I tried to push her down, and that only made her more angry and more difficult to deal with.

Looking over the last few years, and the work with my T, I can honestly say supression would be very very bad for us as a whole. I function way better now than I did before. I recognize that each part has her strength and things she's good at. And by working on inner communication and getting everyone on board with acting as a team, things are much better. They aren't perfect, and we still have disagreements (much like siblings), but I'm able to be successful in school, I'm not missing appointments, I'm a better parent.

I hope this helps.

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