Emotional hangover

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Kids who have been traumatized and had to cope by dissociating tend to be less mature than their chronological age, and also often haven't had the opportunity to play. To play, a child needs to feel safe and relaxed, free to get lost in their imagination. I have littles that behave like traumatized children and a couple of them who seem to have been protected from the trauma.

TheCollective wrote:It almost makes me cry for her but then it gets awkward because it's basically me and I don't feel sad about $#%^ like that and I'm not crying over those people. Or should I? I don't even think I can. What she really needs is of course a mother and there's no way on earth she's ever going to get that. How the hell can I be a mother to a 'part of myself' that I can't even touch? It's just a stupid situation. I seem to have slightly triggered myself. But I'm going to post this anyway.

You can "parent" young parts of yourself. In fact, that's the closest to a real parent that those parts can have. I "carry around" one of my toddler parts sometimes, and if a little is very upset, I "hug" them. I figure out what they want and need and try to do those things for them.

One of my littles was VERY upset a few weeks ago--it was like he suddenly realized that he is in THIS life, and not in our life when we were 8 or 9. I was communicating with him in the journal, and was able to find out more about why he was upset and to let him know that I was there and would help him. It really felt like I was helping an actual child. He is there inside me. If you get hung up on "this is just me talking to myself," I think you miss the opportunity to get to know the parts better.

I just wanted to tell you that this was a beautiful response. It really touched me because Lilly is VERY real, and very much needs real parenting. And having been able to give that to her, and my husband accepting her and loving her, she's really blossomed and come out of her shell, and even matured a little bit.

Hugs

K

Thanks, Kitten. I'm having sort of a hard day, so that was nice to hear.

Having littles to take care of is one of the main things that keeps me from slipping all the way into denial (like I think we want to today)--I can't just abandon them by pretending they're not real.

You know and it also really annoys me that the females in here are so in denial about this stuff. I mean it's weird enough that I have to pretend to be a woman in real life and be a housewife and dress and behave accordingly etc etc and I guess it's manageable most of the time, although annoying af but I do everything I can for 'us'. But I also get to be a mother to myself even though I'm a dude and my task list keeps growing and growing and I don't want to have to be the only one who gets to be able to do everything.
They are not aware of this or if I tell them or they sort of notice something of it they are deep in denial about it. I'm exhausted. For the women it's like all of this is not even real, none of their business or they are powerless or can't reach it. And just because I can do it and reach it all I get to be the one who has to solve everything. And if I want help from the therapist they are too scared or too much in denial or don't know how to answer any questions and they get all fcuked up. It's not like I don't want to take care of everyone and everything because it's sort of what I was made for. But I can't do it and it's not my place to 'be the person'. Or at least it shouldn't be.