by SeveralCrows » Mon Jun 17, 2019 1:32 am
I'm feeling incredibly agitated right now. If you have had success in dealing with this issue or similar, I welcome input.
I can successfully prepare meals for myself and eat, keep hydrated, wash daily, brush teeth and wash face twice daily, get exercise, maintain something of a sleep schedule (it has been less-good this week, but isn't too far off from normal), buy groceries and run other errands, wash dishes, do laundry, change sheets. I am making efforts to be more proactive about social contact, even though my inclination is to let others come to me (am not fearful, I just tell myself I don't need it).
I am struggling to start, stay with, and complete other tasks. This includes a variety of projects in passion areas, more stressful tasks like fixing up resume and online spaces hiring managers might inspect, buying needed non-food items, getting rid of items I no longer want, and keeping my home tidy.
There is paper everywhere. I have stuff out for everything we have been working on recently, or trying to work on. I sit down to work on a passion project and another part is talking about how this relates to something they want to work on, then another checks the forum, another comments to that part about a post they want to read, another checks the weather forecast because a storm woke us up last night and we just heard more thunder and there might be more dangerous weather, then we're up getting water, then another part starts cleaning because everything is a mess but someone else doesn't want to put things away because we might forget to get back to working on it.
I feel as scattered as I used to be when I was younger and all parts were active but we weren't aware of how to communicate. The last time we were able to stay focused on a larger project for a period of time and consistent with work output was when most parts were dormant.
There is a part of this experience that feels more genuine, because everyone is active and we're acknowledging everyone. It also feels just as unstable as it did then even though we know about everyone, because we still aren't negotiating well. I also feel ashamed, and feel like it's just a reflection of my undisciplined and terrible character. It's not though, I am capable of focus, we're just struggling right now.
I have had a small amount of success with choosing to go to a place to do some work (library, coffee shop) for a specific frame of time, but it has to be well-contained. If I go to the library for the whole day it doesn't work. In the past when we were self-employed we kept a much tidier home and that kept us from getting distracted with stuff to get rid of or purchase. I feel like I'm perpetually days or months behind, but with everything, and everyone is trying to catch up. I think everyone is trying to take care of their part, fulfill their responsibilities, but all of us feel like we need to do it immediately and using the body, and then we stop and talk to each other while no one is doing anything with the body.
Maybe if I write out what everyone is trying to accomplish and discuss what is or isn't urgent and relative levels of importance (both to the system and to the specific alter) that will help? I can also plan to go out for specific small time blocks every day, with specific goals assigned to each time.
-Sev3 [edited just to sign that this was me]
33F Human Body - Dx'd System of 22+ parts.
System currently being reconfigured. Please stand by.