Body and integration

Inner world is our subsystems real world too. They do live in there, and have everything in there. Lucas is 16, just started professional dancing and moved to live on his own. He also sings on YouTube. Sami just did his first modeling job and is gonna move in with Lucas. They have plans for their future. What their 16 year old versions doesn't know yet tho, is that Lucas is soon to be dad, too. He dated girls before Sami. When they will be 19, they will have 3 kids, living part time with them and part time their mom. It's twins first, a boy and a girl, and two years later (planned) little girl.

I know they don't wanna change it to my life or my body. I really can't dance, or sing. I'm nothing like a model either. I don't or won't even have kids.

But as I've understood, Zor still has his own life too. I don't know how you do that. Maybe it's just that the structure of your system is different. In our case it's ME who is the whole inner world. That's why I am all of them, and there's no me as me in the inner world. I lived my life in there too, but without having my own identity, but their identities. I would want an identity and a life. And it can't be done if I am the world of some others'.

we're really tired and i'm not all that here right now but i wanted to add $#%^ before i forgot. the stuff you said about the body and it not matching and all that, it's the $#%^ i gotta deal with day in, day out. it sucks and it's not easy. from what you're saying it sounds like your boys don't wanna have the body as theirs anyway, sounds like they've got a pretty great inner world to live in too. everything's a choice, they don't have to do $#%^ if they don't want to.

the reason alice wanted me to add to this is i guess we don't have an inner world that's all that interesting. it's pretty ######6 boring, gonna be honest. but my body is how it should be in there. the outside body isn't, and that really sucks. kinda stuck between feeling like i look right but feeling bored and trapped and going stir crazy inside, or feeling like i'm "just alice" and deluding myself or having to live in a body that isn't a guy's body and freaking the ###$ out over it when outside, but at least it means i get to breathe actual air and feel alive a bit better.

just a different perspective, i guess. it's weird how it's different for all of us, huh? i don't know if it'd even help to have a better world inside and all that. i kinda like stuff the outside world has, it's got my cheesy boyfriend in it and even if i can't smoke i can at least breathe it in (even if alice gets mad at me for it), there's good food and music and all that. i guess some people's inner worlds have that $#%^ too? kinda jealous, wish we had some interesting stuff like that.

anyway i don't know why i'm rambling, alice is still here and half-asleep and sorta out of it so it's hard to know how much i'm even here right now. this $#%^'s confusing.

sorry for the rambly as ###$ message, just wanted to add to this and say i feel ya, this $#%^ sucks, but if they've got a good world inside and they're happy like that, why change that, ya know? not really got anything to say about integrating because that $#%^'s terrifying to think about. good luck with it anyway

jones (and sort of alice)

Floralie wrote:Inner world is our subsystems real world too. They do live in there, and have everything in there. Lucas is 16, just started professional dancing and moved to live on his own. He also sings on YouTube. Sami just did his first modeling job and is gonna move in with Lucas. They have plans for their future. What their 16 year old versions doesn't know yet tho, is that Lucas is soon to be dad, too. He dated girls before Sami. When they will be 19, they will have 3 kids, living part time with them and part time their mom. It's twins first, a boy and a girl, and two years later (planned) little girl.

I know they don't wanna change it to my life or my body. I really can't dance, or sing. I'm nothing like a model either. I don't or won't even have kids.

But as I've understood, Zor still has his own life too. I don't know how you do that. Maybe it's just that the structure of your system is different. In our case it's ME who is the whole inner world. That's why I am all of them, and there's no me as me in the inner world. I lived my life in there too, but without having my own identity, but their identities. I would want an identity and a life. And it can't be done if I am the world of some others'.

For us, most of our lives are in the inner world and we "get out" sometimes... but it's generally been in situations where ppl don't know it's us and we've always felt safer just like pretending to be Zor and hiding it. It's kinda new to us that like ppl even know we like exist INSIDE like this, sooooo.....
The T does wanna talk to me, and I am still trying to like make up my mind about it- got a few days still... lol Well for THIS week's session. If I wait, it'll be at least 2 weeks (typically it's every other week we see him) to think about it and like fret over it, so I am kinda leaning towards just doing it and getting it over with... and if it sucks or is like super uncomfortable, leaving and letting Zor talk and just not doing it again for a while... We'll see.

But yeah, I mean like our entire lives are like inside, and like the internet is the same there and out so like it's been our connection to like friends outside and stuff... so totally not gonna go for any integration like stuff that is a like danger to our lives, cuz like we have kids (myself and Kitten, my "twin sis") and families all our own and stuff.

I know some ppl are like "that's not real" but that's total crap! I am real, my house is real, my husband is real, so are my kids. If all of us are, and our like homes are, then so are the things we do in them, and that means our kids are, too... and the last thing you wanna do is between an angry protective mommy and her kids! >:(

FWIW, Zor is like cool with us and our lives and stuff. I think he's like confused by it all a bunch still... can't really blame him, I guess... it's all so new... but he's like not all hostile about it or us or anything... just a few random comments from like other ppl. But they aren't the ones that have to like make up their minds how to like deal with this and live together, right? So, whatever...

{\Pixie/}