I'm back

Hi everyone, I haven't been here in a while. In fact, I have been dormant since the summer. All I know is that I woke up again after a dream a few weeks back. Well, this has happened a few times now but it's still confusing. To fill in the gaps, figure out what has been happening in life, and figure out who I am exactly.

My presence seems to cause a lot of panic in the system. A holy sh*t its you again kind of response from the main host, as she becomes aware of my presence. I used to think I was the main host but I realise now that can't be the case. I'm simply not around enough.

Things are very unsettled. I feel permently on high alert. Expecting danger, always ominous. Nightmares and somatic sensations. Tensions in the household, between me and hubby and the children as things have obviously shifted. I don't feel welcome so I'm having to 'hide' a lot. Why am I even here? I wish I could talk to my T but I don't even have one anymore! I remember having to take a break while I looked for work. Well now I have work but still no T. I'm not sure if I should get in touch or not. I feel kinda lost.